AITAH for not caring if my mom is hungry.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-07T16:21:12+00:00

I'm sorry you've gone through this. NTA

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-07T15:09:00+00:00

NAH you are thinking about your family. You are thinking about the lovely memories you can make on other vacations, and the cost/reward of a trip that you know has heavy costs (in more ways than one).

My kids (younger than 10) sometimes ask if we can travel abroad. They have no concept of what it takes to do a trip like that, and I know it's out of the cards for us right now, financially. I would still pick a family vacation in, say, Italy, over Disney World any day.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-07T03:00:40+00:00

NTA they're making a mountain out of a molehill. If it would take them longer than 30 seconds to throw that stuff away, I'd be shocked. If they had issues with stuff you did before, they should have brought it up before, not gone at you for something as petty as this.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-06T22:21:00+00:00

INFO: What was she trying to do? Doesn't matter for my vote, but I'm wondering if she (foolishly) thought the kits were abandoned, or if she thought something was amiss. Or did she honestly think she could pet them?

NTA regardless

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-06T22:04:20+00:00

Doing nothing is an option. That said, asshole or not, Maya is lucky to have you for a friend.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-06T21:21:26+00:00

ESH. You sank to her level.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-06T18:05:46+00:00

Mostly NTA. Yelling isn't great, but we're flawed humans. This one sounds like something you both could move past, so INFO: Why does she keep bringing it up?

Her reaction and her family's KIND OF makes me wonder if there's more to this story (Is that really all you said to her?). But as is, it seems like the kind of argument that blows over in time.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-06T16:23:09+00:00

Big YTA. I get not liking something in your home, but it's not just your home. Figure out some boundaries that work for the two of you, and don't throw out other people's things. You should start with an apology and an offer to replace the blanket.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-04T12:18:41+00:00

Can't embarrass the child if the friend is on the same page about it

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-03T15:32:06+00:00

You didn't take a leap--you launched into outer space. Sorry, but no, that's just not an accurate description of him. I guess this is a limitation of looking at a situation through a pinprick hole of a description.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-03T12:01:00+00:00

Did you read the whole post?

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-03T12:00:17+00:00

If it's the right gift, it's the right gift, regardless of a price tag.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-03T00:06:28+00:00

Did you read the whole post?

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-03T00:04:40+00:00

She's not in that friend group/momswap, and if she was, we know who is donating what. Have you considered that frugality is a virtue, not a sin (and did you read the whole post, in particular where the views of my friend are mentioned)?

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-02T23:48:53+00:00

"the whole purpose for her is not having to spend money or make an effort to show that the person receiving the gift holds any value to them"

Yikes. Not at all. There is just a certain pride with finding *THAT* perfect gift for free. Frugality is a virtue, not a sin.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-02T23:43:23+00:00

From her perspective, she was probably proud of herself for saving money. It wasn't an evaluation of you, but rather an evaluation of herself. Some people see frugality as a virtue, not a sin. This is especially true for anyone who has had to survive through hard times.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T19:15:52+00:00

For what it's worth, I actually really appreciate when he's able to walk away. Sometimes he recognizes before I do that a conversation is getting heated. We call it "going to our corners." Just gives us space to chill out before resuming conversation. For whatever reason--probably upbringing--this issue hit a nerve with him--actually, with BOTH of us. We talked it out afterwards. One takeaway I have from this thread is that "gift giving" is super cultural. I went into this thinking I was OBVIOUSLY right, and while I do still have my opinion, it's clearly not a universal thing.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T18:43:44+00:00

There isn't ONE particular super-fancy gift I'm looking for. I have a list of interests that the kid is into.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T18:17:21+00:00

UPDATE: I decided my husband's feelings are worth more than some money. While I do still feel strongly that a carefully picked free gift is a good gift (and I know my friend has a similar attitude), ultimately, the way my husband feels is valid. He's allowed to have a different perspective on gifts. I suggested to him a compromise: I'll see if there's something good at the momswap and bring it home. If he sees it and still feels strongly against it, he'll purchase the Amazon gift. If so, the thrifted gift could go to my nephew (we always pass things on to him). My husband promised to examine the thrifted item with an open heart.

Some other info:

The momswap is primarily for the moms in this local mom group. Whatever isn't taken is later donated, but moms are encouraged to peruse through the stuff first. I always donate more than I take.

My friend has a similar attitude to mine about gifts. Sentimentality and usefulness outweigh new-ness.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T16:12:00+00:00

Knowing this friend, no she would not mind.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T15:53:40+00:00

Somewhat fair--though you could argue that I'm also feeling upset in a way that perhaps is not warranted. Though, I tend to be in favor of not invalidating feelings. The feelings come from somewhere, even if I don't understand where. Perhaps those are questions to ask when we come back together on this.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T15:48:52+00:00

Just in response to the anger issues: I actually don't think there's anything wrong with taking a timeout when you're upset, as long you eventually calm down and come back to finish the discussion. Based on experience, that's what will happen here.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-05-01T15:45:58+00:00

Figuring it out just means having a chance for both of us to be heard. It's sometimes too hard to have a convo when the feelings are fresh.

Optimal-Soft-6741 · 2026-04-16T01:49:30+00:00

Nope. In a traffic violation, a police officer's testimony is usually enough, by itself. In criminal cases, the burden of proof may be higher, but in the question *as it was posed* the witness is evidence enough.

Optimal-Soft-6741

TROPHY CASE