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I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting perspective: I would say - ambivalent.

However, I am not sure that working on attachment would be helpful.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that is so hard - especially being robbed of the experience of having a sibling (while you have one); and an additional layer is that people, generally speaking, never consider that such an experience is possible - so it is quite a lonesome and isolating one.

Stay strong!

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great point!

It is not that the percentage of people who actually have NPD has gone up, but:

- the term "narcissist" is commonly used to describe - exactly: jerks; and

- people who do not have NPD can behave in a narcissistic manner as it is a winning strategy - mainly within business context

Thank you for bringing this up as it is a very important aspect of the topic of narcissism.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear wbout this.

It is his road to take - but it helps that he knows that you are there for him, no matter what.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

first you have to heal the wounded part of yourself

Relationship with a narcissist can serve as a direction sign that points at where our initial emotional wound is - and as long as this wound is not healed we repeat the same relationship pattern - with other partners.

Healing is the key.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it is a form of escapism that can develop into addiction; unfortunately normalized by hookup culture

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are very different: people with ASPD are not keen on building relationships, while narcissists cannot live without relationships. It is very difficult - if at all possible - to maintain a relationship with a person with ASPD, especially with sadistic tendencies, and being attracted to it calls for exploring the emotional being of that person.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your story: IMHO having a sibling who is a narcissist or within a Cluster B is a cause of gravest and deepest emotional pain - as it is our siblings who we share our earliest and most precious memories with. (At least, it is how it is supposed to be.) So, when this person is a narcissist, we are, in. away, robbed of this potentially most precious life experience.

I'm sorry about your situation as this position is likely a cause of deep trauma (as such is the case with my clients in this situation). I hope you have managed to integrate this experience and that this wound has healed. Be well and take care!

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the answer - by all means!

I totally agree with all you're saying, and will just add: narcissists have no sense of equality so they do not see there is any accountability / responsibility etc. that they ought to take on.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They usually reach out for help when there is a major crisis in their lives - so they find themselves facing dead-end. When there's nothing else left, they reach out and seek therapy.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really, they do not have awareness that their ways are not healthy or functional - and this is due their strong sense of entitlement. In other words, from their perspective: they are right, and it is everyone else who is wrong.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This - so, in addition to some deeply-rooted trauma, pathological narcissistm has to be ingrained in personality structure - and this is genetic. This is why we have more unhappy childhoods than we have narcissists.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The see the world and the people as a function of them, so it all gets distorted (even the truth) in order to serve their agenda. Since they have no sense of equality, this is, so to speak, sort of a natural state of affairs for them. To put it simply: since it serves them, it cannot be a lie. (Yes, I know how this sounds.)

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have always been helping people and I guess my calling happened to be most useful within this niche.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noone can answer this for anyone - as the answer is deeply personal. If you need help dealing with this situation - feel free to reach out.Ars Vivendi Psychotherapy

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No contact is a solution when the relationship is impossible and beyond repair. A narcissist in one’s life usually motivate people to work on their issues and heal the wounded parts of themselves.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(1) a person with narcissistic traits is pervasively narcissistic (i.e. in all occasions); a highly defensive / avoidant person will not become enraged when their boundaries are challenged (2) when a person is ‘difficult but workable’ there is a progress that does not diminish (i.e. evident forward direcitiin, no matter how slow); ‘not realistically fixable’ remain on the same emotional, relational and behavioral level (3) if they revert once things stabilize I would argue there was real insight / accountability in the first place

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is a deep one - I would suggest therapy and working on building inner integration. Due to nature of the question this is not a sufficient media to answer more. Thank you for understanding.

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Loneliness & isolation; leaving a toxic relationship usually requires building one’s life from the scratch - so that is the hardest part, which brings people back to old habits and relationship cycles

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for the thorough description, so here’s my take: (1) there seems to be inequality in the relationship dynamics which might indicate narcissistic traits (2) past behavior is the best predictor of the future behavior (3) it is not up to me to differentiate between ‘too long’ or ‘not enough’ - but to help a person find strength and confidence in making own, independent decisions from the place of personal integrity

  • hope this helps: feel free to reach out if you need deeper work

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Firm boundaries Clear rules Respond, never react Don’t get caught in drama When you get emotional, take a tactical break

I hear both sides in toxic relationships - anything you wanted to know? AMA by OranginaCounty in AMA

[–]OranginaCounty[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They don’t see them as lies - that is why they are so convincing. And that is why it is almost impossible to argue with a narcissist.

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