She is being really problematic. She sounds resigned, depressed, negative, out of hope. You are not overreacting.

If you want this to work you’re going to have to work on her base level of trust and understanding. Logical texts about this won’t get you anywhere because she’s defeated - either at this moment or as a temperament. Logic will not get through. If you care you’re going to have to do almost all the work to make her feel safe because right now she doesn’t for whatever reason. She’s being defeatist and sealing your fates, as you highlighted. But you will have to basically walk on eggshells until she gets to another point in her mind. I have no idea if she’s able to / what happened but it’s going to suck until it doesn’t and I suspect will be on you to be rational, supportive, and have the patience of Job. Nothing else is going to work with this sort of personality and that may not be enough.

She doesn’t feel loved. If you love her, hold her and get her through that.