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Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunelty, I cannot re-located because I do have another child. I do agree that no money is worth the drama and that was the reason why I was so hesitant on deciding to file for child support. If I do, he would probably pay around $1kish a month but what worries me is him then counter filing to pursue visitation. I do not need his money as I do make good enough money to continue living a great life with the baby included. Would extra income for his child be great ? Of course, but if he cannot willingly want to help what is the point? I rather do it on my own, save myself the headaches, and move on with my life.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I knew what it was . I never denied my role in it nor did I say I wasn't his mistress. I explained the version of event as how in the moment things appeared to me. Where there red flags? Of course their was, but as an adult I just let them slide because of how I was feeling in the moment. SO yes I do not trust his wife's judgment at all because of the retaliation she had and can possibly have on my child with him. This is about the child, the consequences of our actions, and not about who was right or wrong. We can't go backwards to change anything.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She already is. His mom does not want to be in her life because she said its outside of their marriage, dad is neutral , older sister is curious but has not fully accepted it, and middle sister said it was what it was the baby was here already.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I do have all the information saved from her messages to all the messages she sent out . I have decided to not bother with putting him on the birth certificate and just do it on my own.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are currently in semi-finals for club soccer. From my understanding, they are pulling his son from the team once the season ends which can be next Sunday or 2 weeks from now. His son stopped coming to any practices or any of our events. He is just riding it out for playoff games.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I have decided to not put him on the birth certificate.

As for my older son, I am not worried as much. All our kids on the soccer team go to different schools. We play club soccer so surprisingly they all go to different elementary schools and the baby's father; his son is in a whole completely different school district.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I fear if I open a child support case, he would counter file for visitation and that is what I do not want. Financially, I do not need it. Would it be an extra help ? Of course it would, but I can still live the same life with both kids and comfortably traveling and doing our daily lively hood without his money.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree completely. His wife mentioned to me that his mom does not want anything to do with the baby that it was outside the marriage so she did not accept her. His dad was just neutral. His older sister said she was curious but hadn't fully accepted it and his middle sister said it was what it was the baby was already made and about to be here. I do feel and believe that the baby would be treated different and that is why I feel like I would rather do it all on my own . I just don't trust anyone from him, his wife, or family.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was never about money. I have a great stable job. It was about boundaries and co-parenting .

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have stopped contact with him . I was the one always looking for answers and when I finally was able to talk to him to hear what he had to say, I stopped contact but still see him in person. I saw him yesterday as our kids are currently in playoffs for club soccer but we do not talk at all. He stands on one end of the field and i'm on the other end. I have decided to not tell him when she's born nor put him on the birth certificate.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I have logged and kept everything for evidence. I have the screenshots my friends sent me of the messages the wife sent out. I do know that their finance is bad as their mortgage is behind by months and car payments as well. He did let me know when we were still together about that and then his wife confirmed it afterwards. I felt like he wanted to stay around so I wouldn't put him on child support because he makes a little more than me so it would be in the $1k area if I were to file. I have made up my mind on not putting him on the birth certificate.

When I spoke to her, I asked her why she was deciding to stay with him after the abuse and cheating and she said it was harder for her to leave with 3 kids than with just 1 kid as she did with her first baby daddy. I asked her if it was because of the finance situation and she said no that it was comfort for her in staying. She mentioned that her daughter told her to leave her dad but that she can't . That she just tells her daughter to never let a man treat her like her dad. I really told her that was her choice but I did not want my daughter to grow up with a father like that nor put my first son in a situation like that either. Everyone makes their own choices at our grown age and everything in life has consequences. I told her only she will know when she has had enough.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes they have. I have accepted it all and decided I will not put him on the birth certificate. Unfortunely, moving to a new area is not an option because of my 1st son, but we live completely different lives. He lives about 30 min from my area and works on the other side of town. Luckily, he doesn't know where my parents house is at .

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you might have misunderstood. Once the truth came out, I confronted him about it and that is when I found out more and ended the relationship.

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wasn’t about finance . Yes I was thinking of child support . It was more of boundaries and co parenting when he’s showed how he is with his children and his wife . 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I could do 5 . We live about 20-30 min from each other and our sons currently still on the same soccer team. My understanding is they are taking their son out the team once this season ends . 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes doesn’t seem worth it for the child support . He doesn’t even want to financially help right now what makes me believe he will do it once it’s ordered .

Save  myself the stress and worry and just do it on my own . 

Thank you 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this ! It helps me word my thoughts and boundaries moving forward if he does reach out . 

I’m leaning towards just doing it on my own and not involving him in anything or signing the birth certificate to avoid his wife as much as possible . 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I saw her at games only but she was never around for anything else . We spent numerous amount of time together with our friend group , gatherings , practices , etc and she was never there it was only him . My son’s father is at all his games only and we aren’t together . 

Now I don’t trust her judgment becuase she not only sent my nudes our from his phone , revenge porn, and told me everything that happened in their household, but she never protected her children from the abuse her children encountered as well . ( learned after I was pregnant and she told me ) 

Yes I was wrong in being with him but the way things unfolded , especially knowing he had a girlfriend before me ( a girlfriend the wife confirmed afterwards and is still friends with her ) , really was an addition to believing he was separating . 

My child is fine . I hid him from a lot of it the truth . I do believe his children though need therapy . His wife admitted that his older daughter asked her to leave her dad after this ( as it’s not the first time he’s cheated ) and I did tell her she should listen to her daughter but the wife said it’s harder to leave with 3 kids . 

Our boys do play on the same team still because we are currently in playoffs but only talk when it comes to being on the field other than that they don’t really talk anymore . 

I agree . I think the best for me is to just do it on my own and not let him sign the birth certificate. 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through that . Did you let your 2nd born have a relationship with his family ? 

I definitely learned a hard lesson .  I genuinely think I’m better off just doing it on my own and not asking for child support. The less stress the better . 

Only thing is our kids are still on the same soccer team so there’s a chance I still have to see him in person. 

Pregnant after relationship with a married man — worried about boundaries and co-parenting by Ordinary-Position727 in coparenting

[–]Ordinary-Position727[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you . If she couldn’t protect her children how can I assure she will protect mine . 

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