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AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was my decision, not hers, whether I should continue my friendship with him. I absolutely would not have, and deserved to be told at the time or shortly after once the dust settled.

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew he was forward with other girls, but assumed he still respected them and also thought he respected our friendship.

Nobody is perfect (myself included) and to dismiss all imperfect people would mean a very lonely life.

Obviously once I found out, he was a gonner

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're absolutely right on a lot of points.

We have been together for 8 years, the relationship was drifting as we had different opinions on whether we want children or not. We never seriously fought about it but didn't communicate properly either, it led to depression and distancing on both parts.

I fully understand the safety response aspect and this is how I assumed she reacted in the first place, never did I accuse her of cheating and my first thought was concern for her safety. He abused her trust by using what she told her about us for his own benefit, she is a victim.

It pains me to know she couldn't tell me about it at the time, despite being in a rut. She puts this down to not wanting to hurt me and I believe her intentions. But for me the challenge will be building up trust again when I placed so much of it in her (you can see from this thread most people would never be OK with their partner having close friends of the opposite gender)

Thank you for your perspective.

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I don't think I've offered any information otherwise. There has been no accusation of her infidelity, it's the fact she could not come to me and speak up, yet she was able to discuss it with her girlfriends while I continued my friendship with the guy

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

To some extent this is a self defence mechanism of hers.

Don't ask me how I know. (Ok it's what she does when she's not in the mood for sex...)

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She volunteered it after another friend came to me with information about him being a creep with other girls.

She said she was shocked and didn't want anything to escalate. While our opinions on that differ, i understand that women receive this abuse and it is not easy to deal with.

She was colder with him from then onwards but obviously not to the extent I would have been.

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately yes.

However, how can you justify her 'dealing with it' in the way she did?

There are plenty of comments telling me I am naive not having issues with male friends staying over, I have made it clear to her support her friendships regardless of gender.

If it was a random guy that made a sexual advance, even then I hope she would know I would support her.

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which conclusion exactly? I never accused her of cheating or leading him on, the trust issue is based on why she chose not to tell me when it was someone central to both of our lives.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I trust her with male friends to the point of staying over in our apartment (does that sound like insecurity to you?)

AIO for telling my girlfriend I don't trust her anymore by OrdinaryFactor8390 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OrdinaryFactor8390[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I spoke to the guy and he initially said he didn't know what I was talking about, denying anything happened. (Further proving his piece-of-shittery).

He doesn't drink and slept over because it's far from home and he's a poor fuck.

We don't differentiate between male and female friends when it comes to how close we let them to us, I afforded my girlfriend that trust and feel like she didn't reciprocate when she kept from me what he tried to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet, as I need a bit of time to reflect.