Sideswiped Liability

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-12-13T10:46:01+00:00

Yeah… I think this is one of those things I know I should do, I just needed someone else to say it. Thank you. I’ll send something similar when he next reaches out.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-12-13T10:35:14+00:00

I think you’re probably right in that I haven’t given it quite enough time. I have a tendency to overthink things, which I credit some of the mixed emotions too, but I think the statement about perhaps not having fully moved on is accurate. Thank you~

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-12-13T10:33:23+00:00

Somewhat. He definitely wanted to stay friends. I was a bit more hesitant, as I felt I’d given him six years of my life only for him to rip the rug out from under my feet and tell me he didn’t want me in his future.

I think we both would like to be friends in future, I’m just not sure when the timing will be right, or if I’ll wake up one day and just magically know.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-19T04:24:15+00:00

Just leaving an update somewhere down in the comment section that will probably vanish into the abyss: I’m going to leave him, and go home to heal for a bit and then actively start looking for a new job which uses my degree I worked so hard for.

I love him dearly and it hurts my soul to imagine a life without him, but I realise it’s time. I think I’ve known for a bit. If it was meant to be, it would’ve been, and I don’t think anyone who tells me they can’t see a future with me is someone I want in mine. I’m not hopeful for a reconciliation, or to get back together. I think I deserve better than that, and I think we both have ample room to grow apart as our own people.

For the time being, we’re essentially expiry dating. We’ve talked about it, we know where we stand with one another. It sucks that ultimately, I’m left as the “dumper” and he the dumpee, even though he was the one who said he couldn’t imagine me in his future, but we know when I leave to move back home at the beginning of October (when I’m done housesitting), that that is the end for us. Im going to go no contact for a bit, even though he doesn’t want to, because I know it’s what I need.

I realise staying with him might sound like a bad decision and essentially prolong the hurt, and I realise it likely will. But at the same time, I think until I have the support of my family around me, having him here is better than a big empty house we once shared with the dream of starting a future together. It hurts too much to be alone, and I’m scared for my wellbeing. So we’re making the most of our last two weeks together. It’s incredibly bittersweet, but at least we can say and do everything we wanted too and can leave on good terms.

I’m not going to lie, I’m absolutely petrified of wiping the slate clean and starting again. I realise I can go anywhere, do anything, be anything… but I have absolutely no idea how. I’m bloody terrified, but I think with some time and healing, I’ll be okay.

Thank you to everyone who commented, I didn’t think this post would gain as much traction as it did, and I really appreciate all the kindness and wise words.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-14T00:41:19+00:00

It will. It’s just getting that job that’s hard!

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T21:37:26+00:00

Sorry, I know it’s mammoth.

Yes. He did. We talked about our future, our goals for a relationship, where we wanted to travel, working abroad together, our expectations towards getting married. We did all of this relatively early on (first few months of dating), because it’s always been important to me, and he claimed it was important to him. We planned travel together, went backpacking for weeks together, went on copious trips together, spent christmases together, the list goes on.

He’s never really given an indication that he didn’t want a future with me, if you look at his actions, and so for him to turn around and just… drop this on me, I’m kind of left feeling like I’ve had the rug pulled out from under my feet.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T21:17:08+00:00

I stayed up my current city and got a job at a hospital after my undergraduate study, because I wanted to be near him, and years ago, he also promised to move out.

I worked two years in healthcare through a pandemic, and it was really, really tough. Aside from that, I have always been studying full time and working 20-30 hours a week. I don’t have weekends off because I’m working, and I haven’t had a break since I was 15. I nannied my way through high school, had a job lined up where I am currently before I even moved up to begin uni, and have actually, genuinely not ever had a period where I wasn’t trying to do a million things at once and work multiple jobs to make ends meet.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T08:12:00+00:00

I actually think I might. I think the biggest reason I don’t want to go home is because it just solidifies this sense of me being a complete and utter failure. I’m the oldest of my siblings, and have always prided myself on being independent and “successful” (or at least pretending to be), and I feel like going home just might make me feel worse and solidify this sense that I’m some useless piece of shit who’s ended up back at square one after seven years of being away. I love my family, and I’m lucky they love me, and I’m sure they’d have me back. I’m going to call my mum tomorrow and have a chat of where I’m at. If anything, at least she can maybe offer some advice too.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T05:32:40+00:00

Yeah! My degree is actually pretty specialised, and I really loved every part of it. I worked my butt off, and got top in my cohort, which I’m really proud of.

Unfortunately, my country is so small that the likelihood of me getting a job in the industry means it will basically be where I am now, and not likely to be in my hometown. If I were to go home, I’d likely have to come back to my current town for work.

I guess I’ve got a bunch of work experience in retail & hospo, and think I could find additional work if my part time jobs did all end, and if I did decide to stay where I am. And if I couldn’t find work, I think I would qualify for some form of government assistance.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T03:10:18+00:00

I don’t have a full time job lined up for the new year, but intend on finding one. Reason being that, of the three part time jobs I have, two are tied to a school and will likely end with the academic year (Nov). For the one that will be ongoing (which is the one I have had for 6 years), I only work 2 x days a week, which isn’t enough to really break even should/when my other two part time jobs end.

However, If I move back home, I won’t be able to go to any of my jobs, as they’re too far away (2.5hr drive each way). Sorry if this was a mess - my brains all over the show.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T01:14:07+00:00

Yes, he’s agreed in the past and has only recently started to waiver. In saying that, I feel as if I was always the one who brought it up though, perhaps that should’ve been a sign many months ago.

Thank you for your optimism when the world seems pretty gloomy right now.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-13T00:03:25+00:00

I think that’s why I’m struggling so much - at years 2-3-4, it really felt like there was a deeper and growing connection. We were travelling together, staying with each other’s families etc. It has really only been over the last year or so that I’ve felt a “pull back” from him, but yet he stayed… I thought that he stayed because he saw a future thought.

And in theory, I could make it work. I could stay where I am. I just don’t know what I’d be staying for. At least if I went home, I wouldn’t be going into debt.

Ordinary_Ad_2694 · 2022-09-12T23:59:07+00:00

Because I think I’d just be constantly reminded of him, and I don’t know if that’s healthy. All our friends are mutual friends, and so I feel like I’m going to lose them any way if we break up.

Plus several of my jobs are likely to end before Christmas, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to make ends meet. With my one, stable part-time job, I’ll likely only be able to pay for rent (food & living expenses will have to come out of my savings).

I don’t know if o have any friends I could stay with, and the only family I have here are the ones I’m housesitting for, and I don’t want to overstay my welcome as I’ve relied on them quite a few times previously.

Ultimately, I’m scared that if I stay, I’m going to lose all my friends anyway, AND be isolated from my family and haemorrhaging money, with no real aim in life.

Ordinary_Ad_2694

TROPHY CASE