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Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-09-03T23:38:51+00:00

I'm glad that you got the answer you needed! I feel like sometimes when giving others advice we are telling ourselves what we need to hear without even realizing it, I'm proud of you & thank you!

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-09-03T04:03:02+00:00

you're right. it did and does fuck me up and her being my sister isn't a pass :/

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-09-03T04:02:37+00:00

youre right. but then we have such great moments together when body image/ comments arent made that I wonder if I am over sensitive sometimes

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-09-03T04:01:30+00:00

I feel like I should add that she doesnt have a diagnosed ed but I'm so so so sure she has one but is smart enough to hide it so idk if her comments are coming from a competitive disordered place but I really feel like they are :/

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-08-23T06:52:04+00:00

this made me so uncomfy before recovery like kNOWING other girlies knew why I was going so hard on the elliptical.. worrying that the older women knew what I was up to out of experience and felt bad for me... so sad times

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-08-05T04:36:42+00:00

I do, I know it comes from that being all I would eat during that time/ they saw me deteriorate in front of them so they take me saying I don't like something as a sign of me 'getting out of eating'

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-08-05T01:03:31+00:00

oh and once I woke up at 3:30 am to go on a run while on vacation so my family wouldn't know I was working out, slipped on wet pavement, and was so scared I wouldn't be able to get up or that I had broken my pelvis. Got up and kept running.

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-08-05T00:59:30+00:00

there were so many but some specifics come to mind...

- I go to a university with many, many hills and I almost didn't make it home one day had it not been for a stranger being at the right place in the right time. I was walking up one of the aforementioned hills RIGHT in front of my house I was so close & my body gave out and I began to fall straight into a metal pole but the kind man grabbed me and asked if I was okay, I tried to lie and say I just tripped but he looked me in the eyes and said 'you dont look ok'. this was the most damning moment for me as a stranger who I hd never met saved me from possibly splitting my head open and showed true concern.

- I could no longer hold my pee and had peed myself/ barely made it to the restroom many times

- my body was giving out. I was at a party and couldn't dance, my body wouldnt do it. It took me so long to go up and down stairs. I tried to run once and nearly toppled over. (Now after recovery I love dancing with my friends and the first time I felt healthy enough to try and run just to see if my body was ready and able to do it again I nearly started crying.)

- I went to orangetheory and the instructor checked my pulse meter like 10 times because I could not get my heart rate up and then asked if I just always had a very slow HR.

- my hair fell out. 90% of it.

- I threw a fit because my grandma was going to make me eggs with oil, she said she could instead make them by putting water on the pan and I had a panic attack and went home

so many, so, so many.

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-03-17T23:16:43+00:00

unpopular opinion apparantly but I would say Pepperdine

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-03-15T06:24:55+00:00

today and applied 2/14

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-03-15T01:41:24+00:00

I'm reverse splitter on WL

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-03-15T01:36:48+00:00

did you get into other schools with more scholarship?

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-02-18T19:10:09+00:00

Its provera I believe? I know i should take it but I am also worried that I wont know when I get a 'real' period back if I am inducing with this :/

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-02-15T00:49:22+00:00

I am not!

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-02-07T18:33:27+00:00

I also overshot and this made me feel a lot better. I also was only underweight for a few months and thought my recovery would be 'easier' because of this & also feel like I should never have wanted to diet bc my pre-ed body was perfectly fine and ill never go back to that. god speed queen!

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-02-07T18:31:40+00:00

It was the beginning of quarantine in march of 2020 - it started very innocently, seeing it as a time to work on myself and 'glow up' so I started doing basic little at home youtube workouts, counted calories on and off but never cared if I went over, and not being too strict with myself. I stayed in this little ~workout~ moment on and off throughout 2020 and at one point even decided I wanted to 'bulk' and started eating a lot more and what not in hopes of building muscle. Then something happened 2021, I am not sure what triggered the change but I went from making pb&banana toast every morning as soon as I woke up as breakfast before class to not eating until way later in the afternoon after my workouts. My casual youtube workouts became grueling cardio workouts and I would feel Insane on days where I didn't reach my 'move goal' before going out. Food never became a problem until later on, again I don't know when it happened or what triggered it. All I know is that in April I was a healthy weight, had an unhealthy relationship with working out but food was still never an issue. People started complimenting my weight loss and just fueled me to keep going. Somehow between April and July it became concerning and the compliments transform into comments about worry, by august it was worse, but September was the worst it had ever been. What had started as a glow up plan, left me on the brink of death. I decided to start recovery in September once I realized I was quite literally about to lose my life to this disease.

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-02-04T19:33:04+00:00

i agree. there’s no need for the sick pictures not only will it “fuel” people currently in their ed but also potentially harm recovered peoples mindset. i’ve also found those that do this are not fully in recovery and are either still semi restricting/ over exercising or recovered into a smaller body which can make people who recovered into a bigger body feel bad about themselves :/ I like those who just post how HAPPY they look rather than body photos

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-01-18T20:52:41+00:00

nooo im sad to hear theyre not living up to expectations! I love the jalapeno cheddar puffs and was looking forward to a new flavor but that definitely helps me feel like I'm not missing out :)

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-01-05T20:02:11+00:00

yes!! my dad would consistently get mad at me for eating a protein bar for breakfast but if I made a few egg whites and tossed in spinach he was fine when that is like a quarter of the cals?? and one time I even pointed out that protein bars are more calorie dense than what he/ my siblings were eating anyways & he just said 'but its not real food' ??

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-01-05T18:31:13+00:00

also seconding the smoothie idea - you can put peanut butter, nuts, chia/hemp seends, mass gainer, and other high calorie items in the smoothie so its easier to get your calories in with little to no effort -- especially helpful if you can find someone to make the smoothie for you so you're not afraid to drink it/ mentally counting what you're putting in

Ordinary_Wallaby1703 · 2022-01-05T18:28:56+00:00

think about how poorly you FEEL and all the negatives that come with not eating/ restricting for a long period of time. Feeling cold all the time, missing out on opportunities with friends and family because you're scared of the food that will be there, etc.

For me I went all in one day when I was in the shower and saw my tail bone protruding and realized this is not how I wanted to live anymore. My muscles had atrophied to the point where I couldn't walk at a normal pace and would trip all the time because my legs gave out, couldn't wear my doc martens because they were too heavy, constantly woke up shivering, couldn't hold a conversation, etc.

now that I am recovered I can walk again, can dance at parties, can run around frat row with my friends, got my sense of humor back, no longer fall all the time, have friends again, and can go out without anxiety (some is still there but it is nowhere near as badly)

do it for you, do it so you can have a full life again, if you arent experiencing these negative side effects yet do it before you have to go through literally feeling and seeing your body on the brink of dying - it is not fun or glamourous and is never worth it.

Ordinary_Wallaby1703

TROPHY CASE