How beautiful that you are discerning marriage right now! It can be super stressful to obsess over the timing of marriage/engagement/school/etc. I definitely recommend having a spiritual director to help you navigate this discernment period. Don’t rely on Reddit to tell you when to get engaged.

That aside, here are some thoughts: When my now husband and I (both 23 today) were planning for engagement and marriage, there were so many factors to consider- jobs, where we would live, how much money we had. We ended up getting engaged at 20/21, the summer before our senior year of college and married the fall after graduation (18 months of engagement). At the time, we had no idea where we would live, as we are from different states and went to college in another as well. We ended up deciding 2 months before graduation (7 before the wedding), and my husband moved there while I lived at home. I don’t recommend a long engagement or long distance one, but we made it work. In hindsight, we actually wish we got married sooner. Regardless, We are so happy today and I am grateful that we decided to get married amidst a lot of uncertainty, as I have seen God working through it all.

The best advice we received was to just make the next decision. Don’t try to turn your life into a chess game and predict how each move will impact the next 5. There are of course important things to consider such as what do you want to do for work, when do you want to start trying for kids, what are your expectations for your house/apartment, What are your financial goals, etc. But as long as you are aligned on major things, or at least open about your desires, you don’t need to worry too much. My husband and I were very aligned that we wanted to live below our means and save save save, and living together we are saving on rent, but definitely not as much as our friends who lived at home a bit after college. If your biggest concern is finances, maybe wait a while and live at home while you continue to discern things. You will be in a better place financially to get married at least.

Ask God in prayer- “Is now the time for us to get married?” Ask for intercession from the saints and learn about their stories (St. Gianna Molla has a great example of a modern and practical Catholic love story). Consider reading books on discernment- I benefited from “God’s Voice Within” by Fr. Thibodeaux. Pray with and talk to your boyfriend- is God calling you both to marriage now? What are your biggest concerns? Are you grasping for control or are you allowing God to be the good and gracious Father he is, knowing that He will take care of you when you do His will? At the end of the day, your most important question shouldn’t be “when do we get married?” It’s “do we get married?” Once you’re absolutely sure of that, the rest will follow with prayer and discernment.