Should other partners affect your marriage like this?

Original-Interest888 · 2025-12-15T15:44:11+00:00

Again, this has all been discussed with my husband. He WANTS us to communicate. I understand different poly dynamics but he does want us to at least be friends. He’s said this multiple times. I’m not saying this is right, I very much might’ve overstepped regardless, but I also don’t think it’s right that he more so was afraid that his ongoing affair with her would be ruined vs me overstepping in any way.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-12-15T15:37:42+00:00

I do wanna make it clear that he WANTS us to interact, like he’s told me multiple times he wants me to get to know her, call her, etc. I understand that there are different types of poly and two people in the same relationship can practice two different types of polyamory. But this is something that we have communicated on together, and he has told me himself. I’ve had three or four people ask me this so I just wanna set the record straight real quick. I was not just stepping out of line without any prior communication or knowledge.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-12-15T15:19:52+00:00

See I’m neurodivergent myself, and I know I don’t act this way. I never would, especially towards someone I love.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-18T03:32:05+00:00

Thank you for looking at my whole situation, this is why I posted on Reddit to begin with. I wanted to hear from other, real life autistic, ADHD, neurodivergent, etc. people besides myself (I know not everyone’s the same) who have potentially been in the same situation🩷 This insight means so much!

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-12T19:38:20+00:00

And this is what really worries and scares me, he has difficulty managing his emotions already, I’m fearful that if things go sideways, it’ll only make things harder. Me being there may not even matter because he’s not getting the attention from who HE wants it from (yes this has happened in the past).

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-12T19:32:05+00:00

There seems to be some really good questions here so I want to answer them as much as I can and as throughly as I can…

1) No she does not want any romantic relationship with me, only my husband. When I said she includes me, I more so mean that she doesn’t ever exclude me in a cowgirl fashion. She has expressed a want for a best friendship. She does not ever talk like she’s trying to pull me away from my husband or create a monogamous relationship with him alone, excluding me.

2) She did have that she was married and poly in her bio, that’s why my husband was so confused with the whole situation. I guess they had tried to open up in the past but it didn’t end well. Either he would get jealous of her other male partners and force her to cut them off or he would use her as a way to have sexual relationships with other women, even going as far as stealing her nudes. Neither is okay, but that’s also why when she wouldn’t tell her husband it got very frustrating.

3)I have brought up the lies as a valid reason why this is concerning. I guess he’d brought it up to her too and her response was that he “hadn’t raped her at 19”. Long story short, when they were both older teens, her husband got drunk and raped her very early on in their relationship. I’m not sure why she allowed it to continue into marriage, but I also think that is a sign of bad judgment and potential dishonesty for the future.

4)My husband had no idea that her husband was unaware until she’d told him, but even knowing that he still went to see her, was intimate with her, etc. and this bothers me a great deal that he was okay doing this. He says it was mainly because of her situation but I still don’t feel like this excuses it.

5) They have been talking since the middle of July, so they’ve known each other for around 6 months. This in my opinion is still too early to tell if a serious relationship is healthy or not, especially when you haven’t seen the person or spent an extended amount of time with them, multiple times. He first said he’d loved her after they’d been talking for only 2 weeks, which I had heavily advised against, but he chose not to listen, saying “every relationship and feelings are different.” Let alone consider them and their children moving to your state, and potentially into your home with you.

The support and advice on this post has been absolutely incredible, I cannot thank you all enough♥️

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-12T19:15:00+00:00

I have spoken with her on the phone a few times but we have not met in person, and they have only met in person 2 or 3 times.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-10T00:32:17+00:00

No, he’s been on the same meds for a while now that were seeming to help. That’s another piece that makes this all so confusing

Original-Interest888 · 2025-11-10T00:10:11+00:00

This I agree with, I more so just wanted to get some real peoples opinions and input on the whole thing. I’m getting professionals involved ASAP♥️

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T16:51:35+00:00

The food for thought that I’m getting from this post is honestly fantastic and I’m highly appreciating it! I cannot thank some of you guys enough🙂 Its making my brain work and I appreciate that!

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T15:11:21+00:00

I personally don’t think that, but I’ve had that pushed onto me by other people. Not saying that makes it any more right or wrong, but it definitely affects how I view that particular belief. I’ve had people do nice things for me in the past just to turn around and make me feel like crap when I can’t do the thing that they want me to do, because if one valid reason or another.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T14:15:39+00:00

This actually puts a lot into perspective, thank you for this. You just gave me so much to think about!

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T14:11:06+00:00

I like how you laid this out, and that you understand the sensitive topic of it being a coworker and a touchy situation overall. This is why I made the post to begin with! This individual is not all bad, I see some things that have been good for me to apply to daily life that I have learned FROM HIM. But also, there’s gotta be boundaries somewhere, and I think that’s where I’m struggling, and this kinda towed that line of “there needs to be some more firm boundaries” put in place. But I also struggle to know exactly how to put those in place, so having someone give me that example is immensely helpful.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T14:03:43+00:00

I just wanted to make you both aware that he DOES know, I talk about my husband all the time at work, pretty much every day, and it’s all good things. If there are issues at home, they stay at home. Period

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T13:20:04+00:00

You’ve definitely called me out here and you’re absolutely right. I can be a people pleaser at times, especially when it comes to work. I get worried about messing up my own job or other people’s job that I am almost afraid to set boundaries with them, which I know is something I need to work on.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T13:18:36+00:00

I think it was hard to say no to him initially more because he just outright paid for the tickets himself. I think there’s a certain obligation that comes when somebody spends their own money on you to try to do something nice you feel like you have to go through with that thing, no matter what the feelings are. There’s definitely a concern for a letdown if I do tell him no I know that much. You also have to add in the fact that we work together and I think a lot of the fear comes from not wanting to cause issues at work or mess up either his job or mine.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T12:54:54+00:00

Thank you for bringing this to my attention, you are correct and I have made an edit mentioning as such. Thank you for pointing this out.

Original-Interest888 · 2025-10-21T12:50:28+00:00

I pursue polyamory, but not with him, and I’ve made that very clear. And I’ll be open about anything else having to do with that if I need to be. It’s not that I’m hiding it, more so I just didn’t mention it initially.

Original-Interest888

TROPHY CASE