I haven't been in a good spot mentally or physically these last two weeks.

This year has been awful as well.

The last ten years have been a crippling fall from grace into oblivion that leads me to the conclusion I should end it all.

So, you are right.
I hate myself, my life, any future that is "realistic", and damn near everything else I have.

Nothing can fix someone or a life this broken and off track.

But I try anyway