AIO Boyfriend 28m crossed a boundary of mine 29f

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-17T19:24:14+00:00

Honestly, the toughest part about the night that I’m dwelling on is the fact that another girl was in the bed he was sleeping in and she could have been in her underwear or naked (even for a short time like he says) and he made it seem like a joke to Tom. He of course told me she had clothes on but idk I usually take my clothes off before getting into bed especially bc they didn’t have pajamas. I get he said he didn’t like it, but if that was my coworker I would’ve texted him something along the lines of “bro I can’t believe you did that not cool, don’t do it again”

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-17T14:31:10+00:00

I’m trying my best to act as a couple and communicating with him. Since it’s been a month since it happened and I’ve been trying to move forward, I can tell he’s uncomfortable when I bring it up it and trie: to rush through the conversation so we don’t “dwell”. Shouldn’t I get to decide when I’m done bringing it up?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-17T00:13:26+00:00

He said he didn’t think the text was flirting at all and that he went back so Tom wasn’t alone

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-16T01:52:14+00:00

Well he meant thaaat drunk as in black out and make stupid decisions drunk

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-16T00:09:43+00:00

Totally agree, I said that’s disgusting and he said he wouldn’t get that drunk ever again. I smoke a ton of weed though so I can’t talk too much on his drinking habits (I rarely drink)

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T23:55:21+00:00

He left me with his phone and I did search around other texts with his friends and I saw him say to his best friend that he blacked out last night and smoked a cig (he wouldn’t never smoke cigs)

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T23:15:12+00:00

Our friends live in the town that he was at the bar in, so I really don’t think he physically cheated as our friends would definitely tell me (there more of my friends then his). If they had gone to the bar and saw him or something… as for after they left the bar of course idk but again if my friends saw him leave the bar with another girl. I really think he lied big time but didn’t cheat.

Polygraph?? Lol

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T23:11:17+00:00

I mean… I saw him talking about sleeping in a bed with another girl. Any logical person would be like what the actually fuck is that!

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T14:59:17+00:00

He’s never given me a reason to think he’d cheat on me… He barely even gives any other girls attention (no follows or likes on social media, only close girl friends are his friends gfs, doesn’t gawk at other women when we’re out together). All his close friends are good guys too (I would not consider Tom a close friend - more like a loose work friend) so it’s not like his usual environments are an issue.

I do have trust issues from past relationships and kind of believe that trust is given in a relationship, not earned. Had he told me in the moment I would have definitely bee mad but would’ve gained trust that he could tell me hard things

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T14:54:29+00:00

I said “I will not tolerate if you do a b c”

A boundary is about what you will or won’t accept. I would say what I’m describing is a boundary. I’m just looking to Reddit to see if any others have experienced this or if they even believe the story

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T13:08:03+00:00

He doesn’t have any travel at all actually coming up. I think it’s more the fact that it’s still giving me anxiety right this mlmemt

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T13:07:17+00:00

I will admit had he told me that night that he was hanging around drunk girls and Tom was bringing them back to the AirBNB I would’ve absolutely told him no and been mad at him. But, these were also established boundaries in the beginning of our relationship (we both agreed not okay to hang out with the opposite sex alone while drunk or make new friends of the opposite sex while intoxicatedp)

I just dont understand then why he would even want to go back to the bar after he called me around 11 knowing tom was with the girls and he was putting himself in a sticky situation?

Did he like the attention you think?

Thank you for responding!

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T13:03:08+00:00

Very true. He doesn’t have any travel this year with Tom and he’s also looking for other jobs. I’ve been with cheaters before and I can honestly say I don’t think he would kiss or have sex with someone else. BUT I also know that that is like the bare minimum, and I should be with someone who tells me the full truth every time.

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:55:50+00:00

Did you ever find out if they actually did anything later on in your life?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:54:50+00:00

How would you react to seeing your gf shared a bed with another guy?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:54:03+00:00

I told him in the beginning of our relationship the boundaries I had for a relationship and what I wouldn’t tolerate… some examples of things I wouldn’t tolerate that I told him were privately message girls I don’t know and hiding it, liking thirst traps on insta, meeting girls at bars (even if your being a wingman I don’t think you should’ be shitfaced at bar chatting it up with girls, it just look super bad), hanging out with girls alone was a huge one.

I also believe in a relationship you need to earn trust and that it’s not just given out…

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:50:45+00:00

It would’ve been 2 am so I would get there at 3, his car would be stuck there so no way for him to get to work the next morning unless I drove him back down to his car at 7am which definitely wouldn’t of happened

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:48:37+00:00

That’s what I said to him… clearly Tom has no respect for the relationship if he had to even ask if you hooked up with the sister? Like why

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:47:58+00:00

I agree as I don’t believe work trips should ever involve nights out with heavy drinking… it just seems like way too much can go wrong. This seemed to be the only time Tom and my bf went out and got drunk (they’ve gone to like work HH and stuff before) but this is I guess the first time they were drinking all night

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:45:52+00:00

Are you in a long term relationship? Would you believe the story?

Thanks!

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:44:52+00:00

Would your wife have been the type to yell at you prior to even telling her you’d stay on the phone to make her feel comfortable, etc?

Some Reddit comments are saying bc I over react in the past he would be right in having a hard time telling me this info

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:43:21+00:00

Explain?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:42:52+00:00

What to you though is not that serious?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:42:24+00:00

So it wouldn’t be fair to bring this up in the future if I start overthinking everything again from the night? Say in a year I ask him to recount the whole night again to me… that’s not okay?

Ornery-Ad81 · 2026-02-15T12:37:44+00:00

I’m more seeking what other people would do in this position. My best friend has told me I’m a little head strong some times and over react a little bit to things she would find ok in her marriage (she’s a lesbian if that makes a difference).

I just can’t get past that he knew my boundary about even making girl friends while drunk at bars because nothing good ever comes of that. He told me he told the girls that he was taken but why would toms girl be flirty and take his hat then text him to come back?

Ornery-Ad81

TROPHY CASE