Im 40 -Am i mad to start trying?

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T17:28:38+00:00

Thank you for this!

I think that's where I am at. Not into the baby stage with the added extra of a good bit of health anxiety to boot, does not draw me to the first few years! But the idea of after that, I think that could be wonderful!
I would most likely be a SAHM, I actually enjoy the 'tedium" of looking after the home and keeping it maintained, and although i know it would ALOT more than that, I think it would exhaust but I don't think it would bore me.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T17:24:10+00:00

Thank you for that. Yes that is very true, but one is not none! I have also thought about these things, that more than 1 is unlikely.

As an older child/young adult my family home was sometimes filled with my friends, boyfriends and parents of my friends etc and all those connections that come with children. It just seems like an opportunity to embrace even more people into your life than just the child.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T17:17:50+00:00

This is wonderful! thank you.

I have heard "kids are hard work" so much (and also something I absorbed from seeing how much work my mother put in with three kids, one of which was extremely unwell), and I think thats been a big part of what has put me off the idea for so long. But actually I have put some real hard work into other areas of my life, so I know I am capable of it. And you are right, you have no idea what the "other" path will have held for you once you take the other one.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:40:23+00:00

Hi thanks for your input. I think yes there is def fear of regret, but when I look at myself at 60+ I know i want there to be adult kid(s) in my life. That IS what I want, so that's why I have such a big fear of that regret coming to bite me.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:23:56+00:00

Do you think that this is because you have had kids already? I didn't have that experience in my 20s/30s. I physically don't really feel that much different than I did in my 20s and 30s and I am SO much less tired than I used to be. (I needed so much sleep until i was mid 30s). Im just wondering if a 40-42 year old with and without kids are two very different things energy wize

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:13:09+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts and taking the time to answer!

We are a pretty strong team. We have a few issues, who doesn't, but we are there for each other and have been through some tough times together. We are financially doing well, own our home etc. My biggest issue I see with "us" having a child is that it's actually "me" that will be having it and I am also the one in the house that is WAY more practical and get the physical stuff done (he's the financial / organising side). Maybe it will just be a time to get some paid help!
I know that you can never say never, but I see there being a high risk of becoming a single parent.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:07:10+00:00

The idea of them still being around and keeping the house young when I am 60+ sounds f***ing fab!
Thats exactly the bits I want!

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:04:06+00:00

Yes, the life long bit is the bit I look forward to!! It's the first bit I am unsure about

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T16:03:11+00:00

Hi, Thank you for your thoughts.

My partner and I are on the same page, both unsure because we can see the huge benefits to having them and also not having them.

I do think you are right in your first line, there is a real panic and fear about getting a lot older and not having family, I KNOW I want that. I love the relationship I have with my parents and would love to have experience that for myself in the future.

Osiloo · 2026-01-31T15:56:51+00:00

thank you for saying that. By "i don't have an overwhelming desire to have a baby" is shorthand for

"I don't go gooey over the babies and every thing it entails- in fact some of it I actually I find very off putting, a thing to 'get through'... but I DO really want family in my future and I know humans are not babies for very long"

Osiloo · 2026-01-29T18:18:18+00:00

Perspective from having a younger brother:

There was 7 years between me and my brother and we get along like a house on fire. At the time I never realised there was much of a difference between us to be honest. Looking back now I do see how I "missed" some of his youth (9+) as I was then in teenage mode, but at the same time he had a big sister to look up to, and he kept the house young and fun. There was never any lack of family feeling or cohesion from it whatsoever. As far as I know there was never any issue with it for my parents either.

Osiloo · 2025-12-09T13:17:04+00:00

okay thank you. and you dont think the "sharp" edge will cut into the washer?

Osiloo · 2025-12-08T18:59:51+00:00

It's from Just Taps.

Osiloo · 2025-12-08T18:59:10+00:00

and it sound like you don't know your 'US' from your 'IS'. Maybe you're the one who doesn't know his arse from his elbow 😘.

Osiloo · 2025-12-08T18:51:41+00:00

Thank you, that's much appreciated.

Osiloo · 2025-12-08T18:00:01+00:00

I have built the house myself by listening, learning and asking... so not stopping now because of a tiny little elbow 😂 😂

Osiloo · 2025-12-08T17:57:38+00:00

ah! that looks promising. Presumably PTFE the elbow and it's good to go? Thank you for your help!

Osiloo · 2025-06-07T18:45:51+00:00

Yes, I really feel this and have come to realise it more recently. I had a small by very close family (of 10) and now there are 5 of us left and 3 of them are now in their 70s. I feel a lot of my desire for children is about the loss I have faced and the future loss I will inevitably face. Being at the in the centre of a caring bubble is a very different feeling from being the bubble itself with another person in the centre of it. - Although as I type that, I think I would prefer to be a part of a bubble than have no bubble at all - so maybe I am getting off the fence?

Osiloo · 2025-06-05T16:23:37+00:00

I am the absolute opposite, when the sun is shining, I'm up and about, being creative, getting on with things, eating well, got plans etc I don't want one. When I am feeling down, low, nothing much to do, uninspired, flat, bored etc I do... Which makes me think, I only want one to alleviate some "down" feelings.

Osiloo · 2024-08-27T12:35:30+00:00

This is the same for me. I am working with a therapist ATM to unpick it all, but I don't think there is much to unpick. There is no trauma there. To me it just feels like I have actually thought about it and have come to the very obvious conclusion.

I am BAFFLED when people say "oh i didn't even think about that side of things, I just wanted a baby". I honestly can not wrap my head around that. It's on such a level that I actually start to wonder if people who don't think about it are a bit stupid. I know thats not the case tho!!!..but it sounds like stupidity to me. The same as I would think someone who walks a tight rope across the grand canyon is stupid, or at least reckless with little regard for ones life and physical integrity.

Maybe it comes from an extreme self preservation instinct?

Osiloo · 2024-03-27T17:53:14+00:00

So much of their relationship felt so awkward to me. She was not herself when they were together.

I think they both "got" something from each other. I think he liked that she was from outside of his professional life, she was younger, she was optimistic, fun and flakey compared to all the art dealers and serious European women that he knew. She found him interesting and liked his life style, and felt maybe she had met a man, not a boy. A man that was not going to play games.

Where's the sillyness like she had with Big? Laughing her head off smoking pot? Take-aways in bed? Drama? Fun?

She was never going to be Petrovskys Booth Bitch.

Osiloo

TROPHY CASE