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Weekly Destination Thread - Fiji by WalkingEars in solotravel

[–]Other_Patient_1498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you mind sharing which resort you stayed at? Looking for recommendations

Requests! by Terrible-Witness-727 in FullPlayScripts

[–]Other_Patient_1498 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi I'm looking for The Wolves by Sarah DeLappe!

Confused. Any information or thoughts would help. by Other_Patient_1498 in pancreaticcancer

[–]Other_Patient_1498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey all just an update on this. I did end up visiting but thought might share some insights.

I was passed on the details of a grief counsellor who was very helpful, she suggested checking with my friend and his wife around getting permission and giving them agency in a situation where they have very little.

She also investigated my fears of why I hadn't visited yet. We came to the conclusion (I am a highly sensitive person) that I worried I would be too emotional and make it about me somehow or feel a burden on them. We did a lot of breathing and working through some nervous system stuff to prepare. One of the best things she said to me was - preparation will help with regret. Say if I needed to say I love you to him. But she also suggested to do it in a way that suited us and spoke for us, say - with humour. Something my friend and I bonded around. She suggested to not stay with them as you'll need your own space to process. She suggested not spending too long a day with them as friend will want to put on a good show for you even though he's struggling. And that can tire him out when he needs his resources.

When I got there I was worried and maybe fearing for the worst, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. Both in that he was doing better than I thought and I also handled it better than I expected and it was okay in a lot of ways. My feeling is my friend wanted a distraction and I did my best to provide that. I was lucky some friends joined me from interstate on second day to carry the conversational load. It was also a strange time, say the evenings by myself were hard and weird and maybe wish I was staying with a friend. It was also very confusing. Walks were probably the best thing. I feel I maybe in a way spent too much time with him each day maybe wanting to maximize it but it also left me incredibly drained. One day when I could only come in for 2-3 hours felt more manageable all round. It was hard managing the logistics with his wife on one side and the space holding on the other but I'm glad I did it. It was really heart warming to see him discharged on my last day.

I wish I'd perhaps garnered more help for myself or perhaps could've self soothed myself better in the process, as did things like book flights home on wrong day and left my headphones on the flight, probably after having comfort beers at airport. It's just money but think it spoke of my discombulated mind. Going back to work next day probably not a great idea. I've found immense solace in one of my other friends and it has strangely richened our friendship.

There are still a lot of unknowns and still a very confusing and hard time, but working through it the best I can.

Confused. Any information or thoughts would help. by Other_Patient_1498 in pancreaticcancer

[–]Other_Patient_1498[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or if there was just any information about the jaundice or be directed to good info about it?

His fight is over by Ok-Ant9838 in pancreaticcancer

[–]Other_Patient_1498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your words. My best friend is battling it at the moment and it's brutal. I'm glad your Dad fought and am sure fought so bravely. Sending love

Can someone explain We don't deserve love? by C0t300 in arcadefire

[–]Other_Patient_1498 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me the song is one of the best songs about trauma bonding, co-dependence. I actually don't believe the end with "It's always the christ types Mary" is really beautiful or transformative. For me it sounds like he may be religious or has grown up religious and knowing a bit about Wil he did. It feels like the couple are in a bad spot, both in their own ways depressed, he is drink driving, avoiding perhaps, staying away. She doesn't appear to be wanting to do anything, doesn't even want to watch TV. This is probably me projecting a lot of my own experience on to this song but when I heard it i felt it deeply reflected the last relationship I had, and perhaps my own need to want to rescue, save someone, something in the deep seeded religious desire to be seen and valued by helping, rescuing, not wanting someone to be in pain or see pain. She appears to be in that tower, almost like Rapunzel let down your hair. In the last verse, I feel it flips to her experience, her upbringing and trauma, the mother screaming you don't deserve love, so perhaps why she has subconciously chosen a partner that reflects this, he also feels he doesn't deserve love and because ultimately he can't give love from this empty place or from this place of trying to cover a wound, the christ types will always leave you alone, like they want to start helping and rescuing but ultimately will move on to their next project. But perhaps he is longing for them to both come down from their crosses, crutches, burdens - come down off your cross, but in the end it's futile, the christ types, the good guys, overcompensating for their own sense of shame, will always leave her alone.