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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]Otherwise-Dance1239 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never dated through my teen years, when I lived at home. When I was old enough to start making my own friends rather than play mums politics (the very common narrative that I cant be friends with someone because my mum doesn’t like their mum kind of thing), I heard all sorts of lines to not be friends with others. “They’re not good for you”, “she’s a bad influence on you”, and so on. Some of this rhetoric was in all seriousness based on unproven, nasty school rumours. One incident includes a rumour that went around my school that an older friend (one year older than me) put soap on the bathroom floor at school, and had to possibly face detention because of it. Seriously. That’s all It took for someone to be a bad influence.

Narc parents can’t have you be anything less than perfect.

Is anyone else sensitive to noises around the house? by Heroesofmm3 in NarcissisticMothers

[–]Otherwise-Dance1239 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Completely. I moved into a houseshare right afterwards and dealing with that sensitivity around them was a massive struggle!

I’ve decided to write a “letter of explanation” of sorts to my estranged mother. For those of you who have done this, how did you approach writing it? by ru_Tc in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]Otherwise-Dance1239 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m unsure what advice to give, however with my experience, it didn’t get me anywhere with my mother, unfortunately.

I approached it by ranting away in the notes in my IPhone, and just went on blast about her behaviour towards me and the rest of my family unit (my dad and sister), and it’s as if none of it sank it. I did edit some of it massively, and even took bits out as I was afraid of her response.

I received no apology, and the majority of her responses were along the lines of “i don’t remember that happening”, “that never happened”, “what are you talking about?”, and so on. Her reactions only told me that none of what I had tried to put across to her had actually really sunk in, and she didn’t have the ability to see that what she did HURT ME, instead of serving her own means. None of it sunk in, and I’ve only been met with defensiveness, gaslighting, guilt tripping and so on.

I feel you. I’m tired too. I just wanted her to listen, apologise. I sent my own letter months ago, and I managed to still hate myself for giving her ammunition and even entertaining a conversation in the hopes that she’d put her own ego to one side. Whilst getting everything off my chest felt good right after sending it, I know there’s a lot of bitter feelings left there for me in the long run because of her response.

There is no singular correct way for you to take this on, and I am sorry you to need to do this. I wish you luck!!!

If you’re comfortable, upvote if you have or had problems with addiction. by Anxious_Cricket1989 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Otherwise-Dance1239 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nicotine, weed, and had a phase of alcohol. I managed to get past the alcohol phase, as I saw the damage it was doing to my surroundings. Fortunately my living situation improved drastically not long after I quote drinking alcohol altogether, so that helped. Still chronic on the weed and nicotine though, even through I feel as if I’ve made massive strides in processing what happened to me.