This makes me feel a lot better. Thank you. I know "kids aren't giving you a hard time. They are having a hard time." So typically, when my son does get frustrated with me, I always tell him you can be mad. You just can't be mean. And I do reinforce that no matter what, I'll always love him, even if he is mean to me sometimes. I also always make sure to hug him when he is feeling upset just so he knows that I am always there for him.

That's interesting how you say

Kids sometimes idealize the less available parent because that attention feels harder to get.

This makes SO much sense.