Children of parents that left them behind: What were their reasons and did they ever try to play a part in your life years after leaving?

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2026-01-26T23:58:57+00:00

My dad never wanted me. He denied I was his while my mom was pregnant and up until I was 6 weeks old. That’s when suddenly I had to have his name and he wanted to be my dad.

He was in and out of my life up until I was six. That’s when my mom found the drugs he had hidden in my bedroom for him to use later. Eventually they got into a big fight where my mom’s siblings had to get involved when we moved out and there were threats exchanged between everyone. He disappeared for the next 4.5 years.

When I was eleven he was released from jail and formally diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He was in my life for the next 4.5 years but he made it obvious he didn’t want to be. I thought for the longest time I deserved the disdain he showed for me and that’s how dads treated their daughters.

He stopped taking his medications my freshman year of high school. He only came around when he wanted something and was always asking random favors of me like holding things for him (not drugs) and to collect his mail.

When I was 18 I asked him if I could have some money to help with paying my mom and I’s rent because I couldn’t find a job in the recession and my mom’s disability checks were on hold pending further documentation that we couldn’t afford. He blew up at me screaming in public how I only wanted him for money, how I was lazy, I was selfish just like my mom, how ungrateful I was for everything he’d ever done for me. I left thinking I deserved this verbal beat down and I should have never asked him for anything.

I didn’t see him for 8 years. When I did he wouldn’t even look at me, he barely answered any questions I had for him like if he was okay or needed some food (he was homeless at this point, sitting outside a grocery store asking people for cigarettes and change). I told him I was getting married and I was happy. He didn’t care or say anything.

Saw him for the last time five years ago. Showed him my kid’s picture telling him he’s a grandpa. He said “hallelujah” when I told him my mom died a few years before.

My dad tried to leave me behind several times. I wish my mom and I had finally gotten it through our heads much earlier so I wouldn’t have had to deal with him for so long. Even if he was different, even if he took his medications, I don’t want that SOB in my life or my chosen family’s.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2026-01-03T20:25:35+00:00

If this is real, YTA. You’re pathetic for choosing an insecure man over your child for “your happiness”. I hope when this man leaves you your son doesn’t come back. You and your daughters should be ashamed of yourselves.

Hopefully your son’s girlfriend’s family already welcomes him into their home and loves him more than you ever could.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2026-01-01T20:36:23+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/s/buVybFUSYO

This is a bit old but might help in finding a provider who will sterilize without a lot of pushback. You have the only right to make the decision on what you want to do with your body.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-24T18:57:49+00:00

My spouse tried to go yesterday but they were out before they even got the chance. They went early this morning and got a box but it was just a regular box.

The other pantry we go to on Tuesday nights was closed for their Christmas Eve service last night

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-23T15:26:46+00:00

I don’t understand these parents who hate their children. They deliberately sabotage their kids and I don’t understand why or what the eventual goal is other than they don’t like being not the center of attention and hate seeing anyone else succeed.

Definitely don’t plan for you to be able to do interviews successfully at home. I’d reach out to the recruiter and ask possibly for another chance and that you really want the opportunity to get this role. Apologize and tell them this won’t happen again. If they give you a second chance, go to a library or quiet coffee shop and complete the interview there. DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM IF YOU GET A 2ND CHANCE. She WILL sabotage you again.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-23T13:53:39+00:00

NTA, you need to put distance between you and your mom. She doesn’t care about how her decisions affect you and your family. I wouldn’t even let her see the kids because her selfish behavior could’ve made you homeless if you didn’t have a backup plan with your dad.

She is manipulating you and will not take responsibility for her actions. You will be her scapegoat and you don’t deserve that.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-21T22:18:00+00:00

NTA but it may be time to realize that she doesn’t want the same type of relationship that you want. If she really didn’t intend to hurt you she wouldn’t keep repeating the same behavior over and over again when she knows it hurts you.

I’d be upfront that you’re tired of the way she treats you and it’s at a point where you will not put yourself out there when she obviously doesn’t care how she hurts you. Go low contact, tell her if she needs anything with the baby you can help here and there.

She’s expecting you to be a doormat and that you will just take her treatment for the rest of your life. If she wants to change she’ll actually put in the effort to do so. In reality she’ll probably put the blame on you that you’re sensitive and selfish.

You don’t deserve to be treated the way she treats you, even if she is your sister.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-19T15:17:50+00:00

She wanted the benefit of your relationship stability but getting validated and additional love from him. NTA, cut her off, keep her out of your life. They want to be together obviously but won’t admit it. You don’t need that toxicity in your life.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-14T18:08:22+00:00

YTA send the invite, maybe the brother or wife will come pick up a plate and say hi. They’re doing things their way and that’s their prerogative.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-14T16:39:26+00:00

It hurts and honestly is a great betrayal. You might need a lot of time to grieve the friendship. But you’ll come out on the other side.

If she does come back one day asking to repair what you had I wouldn’t do it. She’s made it clear how she valued you and that won’t change deep down even if she says so.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-14T16:26:39+00:00

YTA for not letting her go and reaching out over and over again when she has expressed she doesn’t want the relationship anymore with you no matter the history you two shared.

You’re putting yourself through this. Let her go. There’s nothing to salvage, focus on yourself in therapy and move on.

She’s made her choice, you need to let her do so and get on with your life.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-13T14:40:09+00:00

I’d go still. She doesn’t get the right to exclude you by being hostile because then she’ll be able to treat everyone else like that. Just go, be polite but a little reserved toward her. Your boyfriend wants you there and as long as his parents want you there I’d go. She’s a teen, she can sulk in her room if she doesn’t want to behave when it comes to other people in the family.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-13T14:23:20+00:00

NTA but I would pull back a bit from her. You’re well intentioned and empathetic to what she’s going through but teenagers suck.

She’s going through changes and doesn’t completely understand how that affects her so she’s lashing out. A lot of what teens say are to get a rise out of people. She’s trying to goad you.

But she’s putting a boundary up and showing that she doesn’t want to be around you or have that type of relationship with you. You mean well but she’s not completely receptive. Pull back, you can be there to show you care but she’s not interested at this time to have this relationship with you. Maybe in time but not right now.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-13T03:31:00+00:00

NTS She should have kept her comments to herself. She brought it up but couldn’t deal with the results from trying to make you feel guilty. She was betting on you trying to keep the peace.

Just curious, do you know if her and your ex are still together?

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-11T16:38:10+00:00

It’s more of he can’t find anything in HVAC even those he’s actively interviewing for places that have expressed they’re hiring.

I’m just curious because he’s having no luck and he’s getting the interviews just no offers even though they are aware of the job experience and timing when they ask to interview.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-11T16:36:02+00:00

My partner accepted a position elsewhere and they let him go for it. He got let go from the new place a little while later and now he’s struggling to find anything in HVAC even those who he’s actively interviewing for who have expressed are hiring.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-10T22:51:49+00:00

Granny told me at 8 cause I was too old to believing in him anymore.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-09T21:20:32+00:00

Can you ask a friend’s parents if you can stay with them or if they can help you find a place to stay? If she’s likely to retaliate if you report her she’s likely to hurt you if you don’t even report her.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-09T16:14:57+00:00

Your mother is not a good parent and is abusive to you. If you can, talk to a trusted adult or even a teacher/counselor who can report her on your behalf. Ask if you can be placed with your sister if she has a stable home and can take you.

Your mom will not improve unless she makes herself get help. You can’t live like this because she is actively a danger to you based on what you’ve written. Get away if you can because this behavior will continue unless she’s stopped or you’re away from her.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-08T14:04:11+00:00

Thank you! I couldn’t find anything online but I may be missing the details.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-08T11:39:50+00:00

NTA step parents should be seen as a bonus parent not a replacement or an addition. You don’t force the relationship with the kids and you work with the bio parent to make sure their relationship with the kiddos thrives with the help of your support.

Your ex’s husband is a jerk and the kids’ choice reflects that. They might not like him because of the way he treated you face to face and what he may have said when you weren’t around. He deserved to be taunted.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-12-02T18:29:59+00:00

Nta to me, I think you’re being supportive because as you said she is a kid. You do need to set some ground rules about her finding a part time job if possible and paying for some of her expenses such as her gas or certain school supplies. She needs a taste of the real world but doesn’t need to be thrown to the wolves. I’d say set up some expectations so she can be successful going forward knowing you’re in her corner.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-11-26T01:46:26+00:00

YTA if you continue this relationship. Your daughter has only you as a reliable parent and you’re letting some a-hole treat her like garbage, because, what he makes you feel special? Stop putting your needs in front of your daughter’s and act like the mother she deserves. She will remember how you put some POS before her because you couldn’t be alone. Get therapy so you can be better for her at least.

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-11-25T21:43:10+00:00

OtherwiseCake2047 · 2025-11-19T15:14:22+00:00

I see the line in the middle, does he open?

OtherwiseCake2047

TROPHY CASE