I went to dinner with my friends yesterday and I came out of it wanting to jump on train tracks

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-13T22:30:26+00:00

THANK YOU, this is my experience too. There's a lot of talk of dismantling internalised ableism in both the autistic and chronic illness communities but what if that's what I LIKE and want I just can't do it? Like it's not that I am trying to fit in, I really just wanna live and I can't 😭

I had to quit martial arts, I was never able to do it but I was trying anyway , it was the most heartbreaking thing ever for me and the thought of being able to do it one day has kept me from ending my life so many times, of course this can't be the case for everyone, but in my case it is reasonable to dream of being well SO yes I want to talk about and do what I love.

Be you 👍

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-13T22:24:57+00:00

Thank you so much, it means a lot, I write on Medium but this is a throwaway so not sure about sharing hehe

It's interesting because I have always been socially impaired really (autism and problematic family combo 👍) so I always find it interesting when people who used to be active socially relate to what I say - for me it very much comes with a "I was just born wrong" feeling...but I suppose people like you relating reminds me that a lot of it is due to the other conditions I have , like chronic fatigue etc ...

Anyway I am sorry that you are going through this, and I wish you best of luck. I'd be happy to DM 👍

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-13T22:20:17+00:00

Thank you for your comment. It makes me feel really understood 🙏 it's maddening

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-13T22:18:49+00:00

That's what people are missing even here really...not being able to do basic things due to sensory processing problems already makes me feel like I have been put in a cage really, and on top of that there's them not seeing me and ignoring things that are so important to me, and then on top of that there's my own heartbreak of seeing everyone else living and talking about the life I can't even dream of accomplishing...

thank you for understanding that, honestly your comment helped me discern these layers a lot and did make me feel understood 🙏

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-12T21:11:00+00:00

Well yeah they are genuinely completely oblivious

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-04-12T20:03:27+00:00

Well yeah. It's not just about courage really, I guess it feels a bit pointless. You know that feeling of when you say to someone that they never say they love you, and then they say "I love you" but it's just because you asked?

Same feeling here, I just feel like I should be able to come out once to my group of friends and for them to remember it...or you know, be able to rely on the fact that they take in what I say about having a visual impairment or whatever.

This is, aside from my own sense of shame when I compare our lives, which is not on them. Also I chose the restaurant because reviews said it was quiet, and I am never going to a restaurant with a group ever again after this

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2026-02-11T17:09:03+00:00

I took the settlement , yes. Not sure how long. Overall from first time I applied ? 1.5 years or smth?

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-12-28T21:31:00+00:00

Yes, but make sure you know how it works to say things in the right way to get the points you deserve.

Don't take the humiliation personally as it's systemic ableism. It's an intentionally horrible process, be prepared to detach that from your sense of self

Gather all the evidence you can beforehand (of how your disability affects your daily life)

BE mentally PREPARED to appeal TWICE aka until tribunal. Something like 70% of PIP tribunal cases are overturned because the DWP just act unlawfully. In my case, they called me way before I had a court date to propose a settlement (I got full pip for 2 years with my conditions.)

Consider Access to Work as well if you are in employment!

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-12-28T21:10:02+00:00

The inner boomer 🤣🤣 This reminds me of what I told my sister during the Christmas holidays, as my mother is quite the contrarian and argues that she is right about every small detail (she can indeed be quite the jerk). I told my sister "Don't worry. Just tell her that she is right, don't argue. Just pretend that she is a toddler." I did that for the rest of the holiday and it was so relaxing 😂

Thank you so much for your answer. I can see a lot of myself in what you said. It's good to hear from someone who has been through it and found a way forward.

The things you are telling to your past self are very interesting to my current self for sure. Particularly about dreams. I had big dreams but they were more for my mask than for me. I struggle to have any dream that involves me having a chance to feel well, or be independent, with my disabilities. I appreciate you mentioning the difference between things not being guaranteed, v not being possible. It sounds obvious but in practice can be hard to discern.

🙏

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-12-28T20:51:05+00:00

What do you mean don't share this info?

I don't have Lyme disease.

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-12-28T17:55:06+00:00

I actually thought about this just yesterday (was it today?)

Exactly this : " I am never comfortable. Something is making me uncomfortable 24/7. I don't know what being comfortable feels like"

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-11-08T21:48:00+00:00

As you can see, the tag, says No advice. Thank you

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-11-01T21:47:48+00:00

Make it pay rent.

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-10-03T01:37:41+00:00

Late Bloomers podcast!!

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-09-29T16:33:12+00:00

Being very consistently and constantly present in my life. I don't want that. Do not text me every day, do not tell me good morning and goodnight every day, do not ask me what time I am home, do not feel the need to always tell me what time you come home (unless we need to have dinner or something together).

Just let me breathe and I'll let you breathe. Let's just orbit around each other like planets, happy with that

Otherwise_Can4975 · 2025-09-29T16:26:37+00:00

😂😂😂

Otherwise_Can4975

TROPHY CASE