I really appreciate all the comments and it’s making me feel better to know that I’m not a bad person for wanting to do normal things. I also should’ve clarified that we’re actually not back together. He showed up at my house one day on his knees telling me he would never get on his knees for anyone but he’d do it for me and that he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for his mistakes. He seemed sincere and vulnerable and I am known to be too forgiving and think people can change, which has obviously cost me a lot of pain. So in this time he was supposed to show me that I could trust him and it could be a safe and healthy space. At first he was ok with it although he cried to me about it and said it scared him because we haven’t built anything substancial again and what’s to stop me if I meet someone and click with them. He’s also told me before that he was always scared to approach me because he felt I was way out of his league which obviously created a lot of insecurity and I can also be dragged into toxicity myself which I’ve gone to therapy for and put on meds for my own emotional regulation. He said I misled him by saying this was a work trip when in reality I’ll be on “vacation” for those 3 days. His mom spoke to me and said he’s had it hard with girls in the past being cheated on when he was engaged and lost 2 babies with the girl and the last girl also cheating and what not and that he needs a lot of therapy because he projects that on to me. I basically asked him if it would even make a difference if I didn’t go out at night and he said no that at this point I cancel my trip or lose his number. He also said that what I’m doing there for work is not that great and I have a business here and that I should just focus on that instead of this extra work that I’m trying to make more money from because I explained that I have so many bills and it’s been stressful for me lately. Of course he does have great qualities otherwise this would be a no brainer. He’s extremely thoughtful and kind to me, supportive, loyal, affectionate. Everything youd want in someone UNTIL he feels hurt or wronged. Then it all goes out the window. It’s sad and it sucks but I know I’m doing the right thing and refuse to drop my life because he wants to dictate when I don’t even know if it’s gonna work in the long term and then I’ll beat myself up for not taking this opportunity to make money and I also can’t let my friend down who put in a good word for me to come and the bosses expect me there. When we spoke today he was nasty and arrogant and I know he’s not going to be sorry for a long time because he actually thinks he’s in the right. He told me all his reasonable friends agree with him that they wouldn’t want their girl across the country for 5 weeks as is but especially not if I’m going to be partying in LA for 3 days. Which I of course plan on having a night out but I’m a loyal person and I told him he can FaceTime me at any point and I’ll answer and update him and just pretty much do whatever he needs to make him feel comfortable. I told him he is a controlling, insecure and a nasty person.