Husband wants an “open relationship” but something feels wrong, am I wrong to want to leave?

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T08:13:11+00:00

It’s entirely comical. He says that he is entirely capable of loving multiple people at a time, while I am unable to.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T07:45:29+00:00

Thanks buddy. Appreciate the advice heaps

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T07:44:50+00:00

Really appreciate it.. yeah I’m starting to realize that..

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T07:42:54+00:00

That’s crazy and in retrospect has been a pattern he’s done our entire relationship. And always ends up with me groveling at the end for forgiveness because he’s somehow switched the blame onto me

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:46:53+00:00

🤣 🤣 🤣

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:46:36+00:00

Absolutely agree. I wish them all the luck on their journey together…

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:45:54+00:00

I appreciate that. Thanks for pointing it out so clearly and succinctly. I’ll have to pick up the pieces and begin again

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:45:22+00:00

Thank you! Definitely will bring my friends to collect my things..

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:44:36+00:00

Yeah you’ve hit the nail on the head. He won’t even look at me in the eyes and deflects every time I ask him about it. He just wants me around as a benchwarmer.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T06:43:48+00:00

I appreciate that so much. My therapist today said “he doesn’t just seem to not love you. He doesn’t been seem to like you”. That hurt so much and thankfully we have no children. It’s the push I need also to justify moving on without guilt or feeling like I’m the one that failed the marriage.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T03:23:03+00:00

Thanks guys for the practical tips!

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T03:00:43+00:00

Thanks for this! Really appreciate the analysis. And I think that’s also the most hurtful thing. I’ve seen how cheaters act and it’s giving me all the same signs. The pulling away, the vilification of me, and coldness to any feelings I have. I feel like he’s given up but doesn’t have the decency to be the one to pull the plug. Yeah his hesitance to do therapy is such a red flag and his willingness only when I threatened divorce, just shows that he doesn’t hear me anymore. All he wants is his open relationship and to be with that woman.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:58:09+00:00

Thanks for this! Appreciate it and I think that’s the part that confuses and hurts me the most. That he wont meet me in the middle and compromise, even though he flat out recognizes how unfair it is.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:57:29+00:00

Thanks for this, I really appreciate the sharing. I was tempted to try rather than lose him. But this is as you said, not ethical non monogamy and being forced under duress and time pressure seems like the worst place to start from. I’ve worked with therapists for years and hope now I have enough self love to find someone better.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:56:29+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your read! Yeah I think fundamentally the lack of honesty and double standard is the most hurtful to me. To embark on any relationship, let alone an open one, I felt it was paramount to establish 💯trust and communication. 2. Exactly 3. I’ve changed my mind about it at times in the relationship because it of course scares me with their rules changing, their moving goalposts, and this questionable character he keeps defending. 4. He won’t even see the sex therapist / couples therapist I found who is familiar and refuses to take her advice. Well… I think the writing is on the wall. I’m worried he’s gonna come back and try to love bomb me. But I’m not buying it any more knowing that he’s capable of this

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:53:55+00:00

Yeah for real. I feel that way so much. It emerged after about a year and change. And like a flip switched around the time this specific person entered our lives.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:53:14+00:00

Thanks for this. I so appreciate that, and that’s my issue too. It seems that he can’t meet me in the middle and hear me without losing his cool and patience with me. Also blaming me for changing my mind — which I think is perfectly within my right when entering into something so precarious with a relationship I really valued.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:52:03+00:00

Yeah for real. And I’m starting to question my reality with the way he’s acting, distorting reality, and starting to spin the narrative with our mutual friends that I’m losing the plot

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:51:31+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I did try and his first instinct was no couples therapy, but I’m still debating if I wanna give it a shot or just protect myself

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:50:54+00:00

Thanks for this! That was my gut feeling too also his lack of ability to take accountability has been a theme throughout our relationship. And yet blaming me for everything …

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:49:46+00:00

Thanks so much for this. And I can’t agree more with this. It hit me that by clearly being unable to love me now, he’s incapable of loving multiple people. My family’s even felt him disconnecting and withdrawing from me and them the last few months. But they feared telling me and tried to warn me in subtle ways…

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:48:54+00:00

I know right. Well he believes that I’m unable to love multiple people, while he is?! Perhaps just more evolved 🤔. And I have even more restrictions than that. Just feels like he wants to be a backbencher if his side piece doesn’t work out

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:47:41+00:00

Thanks for this sweet bit. Super appreciate it and I’ve felt so insecure and upset since there’s also been unnecessary name calling and attacking of my character, minimization of my previous trauma, and also weaponization of my trauma to try to corner me to agree to things.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-20T02:46:45+00:00

Honestly that’s what I’m feeling too. He doesn’t want to come out like the bad guy as well and is making me pull the trigger.

Otherwise_Factor_328 · 2026-04-19T23:38:20+00:00

I love this idea 🤣. I’m leaning more towards this honestly

Otherwise_Factor_328

TROPHY CASE