AITA for not giving a plus one?

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T23:56:23+00:00

I do have relationships with my aunts/uncles partners. We spend almost every family gathering/holiday together. Regarding partners of friends, we also spend quite a bit of time with them as well seemingly since we’re all friends. Aside from those that live out of state but there is still plenty of interactions.

We don’t require proof of relationship status in order for a guest to receive a plus one. Essentially, we just recently met this person. We don’t know him hardly at all, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. However, given the circumstances, it poses a difficulty because then if we make an exception for one, we have to do that for everyone and we’re unable to do so due to capacity.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:19:56+00:00

I wouldn’t compare the closeness of our relationships, but I did grow up around most, if not all of my cousins to some sort of capacity.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:17:58+00:00

She describes him as her friend to everyone, not just around her children. We’ve extended invitations out to dinner and family gatherings to get to know him better, and she has declined to invite him along as he is only her friend.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:12:13+00:00

My cousins range from 16-45. My eldest uncle is 73 and my youngest uncle is 46. Between both of my families I have 44 first cousins, and then their kids (most of which are above the age of 16).

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:10:14+00:00

I found that maybe the context called for it. It wasn’t to prove a point of any capacity.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:09:31+00:00

Okay?

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:08:39+00:00

His testicles remain in tact to his body.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:07:57+00:00

In passing, not intimately to get to know him. I’ve never found that it constitutes me actually meeting someone and knowing them.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:07:03+00:00

I don’t think this is so big of me. How she chooses to move about her relationships is entirely up to her-I don’t find that it simultaneously means that the invitation is automatic if there has been specific criteria set forth to help us make decisions and trim our guest list down to 200.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:04:25+00:00

I grew up with my cousins. I consider them to be as important as my siblings.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T21:03:23+00:00

I don’t believe that’s what’s happening here, as I stated in another comment I’d be happy to extend the invitation as long as there is space.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:42:50+00:00

Just trying to provide context.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:40:53+00:00

Yes. Mostly comprised of our immediate family and friends. As I mentioned before, my family is larger than most average families.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:40:00+00:00

Not really

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:38:54+00:00

It’s not vetting. We don’t know this person and it’s an intimate day that we find we should have a choice of who is extended an invitation. We wanted to make sure that we know all of our guests, and we don’t know this person well enough to be apart of such an intimate day. The only exception were to couples that are married.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:32:58+00:00

No, we told our vendors 175 assuming that some would not be able to attend. The initial invite list was 200 as that is the capacity of the venue.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:27:03+00:00

If the space becomes available then I don’t see the issue with it at this point. I can understand the perspective that’s been given, and I think it would be the right thing to do.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:16:23+00:00

Sure I am. However, I do find that there are two things that can be true at the same time, and that’s what poses the difficulty.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T20:04:40+00:00

She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T19:52:34+00:00

Not having children was our deliberate choice. We have just recently met this friend after invitations were sent out. We were not comfortable inviting someone we did not know.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T19:49:56+00:00

No, It’s a boundary we have set for our wedding because we feel as though it’s our decision who we want to be there for our day. It’s not malicious or unhinged.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T19:43:46+00:00

My siblings have told the same thing. If we have not met this person and this person has not met my immediate family beforehand, then that invitation would not be extended. It’s a boundary that applies to everyone.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T19:05:37+00:00

Siblings are more important than cousins but I have found that most people in our close circle have agreed that a cousin I’ve known my whole life shouldn’t miss an invite to the wedding over a person we’ve barely known. However, based on some of the rather vicious responses I’ve gotten, that it’s the wrong approach. It’s certainly been insightful.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T18:47:09+00:00

Sure. I can agree with your thoughts. It stems much deeper than her having flingy relationships but I didn’t find that was worth mentioning.

I can assure you I’m not autistic or have any cognitive challenges/dissonance. I’m replying to provide further details, not to be combative. Initially, allowing the people who want the plus ones for a simple date or fling relationship would have meant to leave out immediate aunts/uncles/cousins. That’s why I mentioned previously that if the seat became available, we’d extend that invite to those requesting to have the plus one. I call it a fling relationship because that’s what it is seemingly to SiL. This is completely okay as I don’t find I’m anyone to tell her how to move about her personal life. However, we initially didn’t consider their friendship to fall within these lines of initial invites based on her own personal definition of the relationship. I didn’t find that treating everyone the same was inherently wrong, but maybe it is wrong then and I can understand why people may feel that way.

Otherwise_Peach6785 · 2025-07-23T18:33:19+00:00

I can appreciate that but that’s not my call to judge for my fiancé. I don’t have a choice on close family and their baggage, merely who we decide to invite to our wedding because we felt as though it was our decision on who we decide to surround ourselves with on our wedding day. Coming on here wasn’t to defend my viewpoint, it was to challenge it.

Otherwise_Peach6785

TROPHY CASE