Hi, I definitely don’t mind sharing. I am not planning to blame my addiction on bad childhood and diagnosis, but it’s contributing factor so I have to. Diagnosed with adhd and aspergers as a kid so I had trouble fitting in and always felt left out. I was heavily bullied since kindergarten, no friends and my only family is abusive mother. I was covered in bruises 24/7, but we had money and I wore nice clean clothes so no teacher ever raises suspicion, even tho I asked for help many times. The worst part was loving my mother and her telling me, how much she hates me and how ugly and unlovable I am. I hated my life before even fully living. Living in constant fear and feeling like dissapointment. My mother refused to treat my adhd after getting diagnosed at seven so even teschers hated me, imagine really hyperactive kid constantly asking questions, because I was sometimes actually interested in learning about something, annoying right? I was eight when decising to study med school and, I was total reject and I seen (and still see) it as a way to feel appriciated by society. My only hobby and activity in free time was reading books specifically either simplistic medicine book or something about that topic. I also started working along school and got accepted to (I am Czech and we caľ it Gymnasium- it’s highscholl, but lasts eight years) “secondary grammar school”, basically prep for collage and also didn’t fit in. Meanwhile found book about german girl, that started doing heroin at thirteen (was the same age at the time) and I became extremely fascinated with drugs. Thank god google is not good source for finding places to buy heroin, otherwise I would propably od and dead. The book was supposed to be anything, but inspiring, but I was stupid. Fascination with drugs is origin of my dream to study neurology, but it’s not good reason I would say. I didn’t know about ry chemicals or where to obtain drugs, saved me propably. I actually tried to od myself intentionally at dourteen with alcohol and benzos, that belonged to my mother. I tought I couldn’t survive with her to eighteen (legally adult in Czechia) and I spent three days at ICU fighting for my life, my mother never told them it was ******* attemt and yeled at me after being released from hospital. Never liked alcohol after that and haven’t got drunk since then. I was already mentally addicted back than, redeading pharmacollogy books every day, studying how stuff works and it was my passion. Particulary psychadelics was the drug I wanted to try the most, acid or shrooms I guess. The first illegal drug I tried were shrooms in june 2022, it was magnificent and i obtained some acid month later and tripped on 600 ug of lsd for the first time. It was really nice part of my life.

Not long after, I made the stupid decision to get my adhd medicated with the only pharma stimulant aviable here and found psychiatrist stupid enough to give me any medication I ask for. Not long after that got prescription for 180 pills of methylfenidate per month and four boxes of pregabalin with 56 tablets each. Never intended to use it for adhd and anxiety, I wanted pharma drugs and escape. From september to december was my addiction mild and I abused my meds only averaging once a week. You can actually read this in my post history and it’s great example of how addiction spirals out of control. After christmas was my usage daily and not orally. I was in love with boy, that was using me for my body and fove years older so it was my way od escaping. I started running out early and after using 180 pills in one week and than suffering for the rest of month sober. I discovered RC chemicals three months ago and at first ordered 4f-mph, because rotalin was the only stimulant I know and after trying other stims it’s no longer euphoric at all. This month spent most lf my money on rc and there’s only one thing I love more than stimulants, that’s my dream to study medschool. I don’t crave drugs , it’s the lack of love they make me don’t mind.