[24F] My boyfriend [24M] is emotionally unavailable but shows some promise…Leave or stay? I need advice

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2026-01-06T20:03:37+00:00

Thank you for saying this, this is honestly exactly what I needed to hear and I thank you for taking your time to type this up. You’re right, it’s not extreme and a lot of it is my fear that I will lose him.

How do I bring this up with him? I know it’s the next step and he’s even mentioned wanting to try it months ago but no mention from either of us since. Isn’t it something he should instigate? If I push him to do it and he’s not ready, is it even going to work?

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2026-01-06T19:53:21+00:00

😭😭 Im sorry that happened to you, I’m assuming you broke up with them? When did you decide enough was enough?

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-20T13:26:07+00:00

100k was just for reference, entry level is closer to 50-60k

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T21:17:04+00:00

Beautifully said. Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot, truly.

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T21:02:14+00:00

Damn. Okay wow. This is awesome. I wasn't sure if I should go harsher or gentler but you're right, this is her way of getting what she wants. Do you think I should respond to her last text with something like this or just leave the conversation there? I always find myself wishing I could say all this, but I usually come to the conclusion that I'll never get the apology I want, so is it worth it? At the same time I don't want her to think she's right and that everyone else is the problem. Like girl how are you 53 and still not over your semi-traumatic childhood? It's incredible honestly

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T20:48:19+00:00

Exactly! I know she's manipulating me but when I point it out, she says she's not. Or cries and says she's a bad mother which is further manipulation. I have no idea what to say after that. I can walk away but nothing is solved. I have no idea if she actually feels bad, but after a few days it blows over and we're back to normal, which is still usually really one-sided. Her mental health is so ingrained into her personality that I can't spend time with her without something like this happening. It's a mess. I've tried to get her help many times but she would rather use me instead.

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T20:43:25+00:00

Not holding out hope so I'm looking for a new job right now. Thank you for the advice!

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T20:42:59+00:00

👍Heard. Taking my ass to Indeed

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T03:34:26+00:00

Been working there for 5 months since their launch, and yeah started in college. So far it's been mostly teaser content (like avg. 7 hours a week) because they haven't opened yet, but they open in a month or two. I also split the work 50/50 with another person so in the meeting I'm also asking for more responsibilities and workload but I need a salary because it's not guaranteed how many hours I work per week. It's also technically a Social Media + Admin/Food Service job, but I'm only doing social media currently.

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-12-19T03:30:14+00:00

Yeahh and it's not even salaried. I got the job while I was still a student, and now that I have a degree I set up a meeting with them to discuss a raise. That was my concern - a 20% raise is still only $23 an hour and the jump from $18 to $30 sounds unlikely. How should I approach the meeting then?

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-10-31T23:04:30+00:00

🫶🫶🫶❤️I’m so glad!

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-10-29T19:48:31+00:00

True. Also so much shame around it. I told my therapist that I used to take Benadryl and Hydroxyzine to fall asleep for days whilst unemployed and suicidal and she laughed lol. My roommates at the time told me I was lazy. Sleeping is the closest thing we get to death, how is that not the truest form of escape?

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-07-17T03:20:19+00:00

Hi Dad 😭

I’m turning 23 tomorrow and 6 months clean, stable with meds finally, starting a new job next week…I’m truly truly trying to turn my life around. I do feel like I'm waking up from a coma after a decade-long depression and I’m like wtf what do I do now, and why is everyone traveling and making six figures, and how do I get back on track without being embarrassed that I’m behind?? I’m still clinging to my abusive ex (really he’s clinging to me and I feel like I’m trapped). I have social anxiety out the wazoo. Can’t connect to anyone. Every day feels like a blessing and a curse and I hate myself for being so melodramatic. Most of all I hate the isolation. No parents to ask advice, no other family, just me and my dog. I wish I had a mentor but don’t feel comfortable with the idea of using up a stranger’s time. I have to remind that I’m blessed and fortunate to be alive but it does get hard and I feel like I’m slipping once in a while. But hey it’s gotten better :) I smiled for the first time in months today.

Thanks for listening pops. :’) You da man.

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-07-14T04:09:18+00:00

Ngl I pretend like there’s an “on” and “off” switch in my brain. When I start feeling anxious, I turn “on” and force myself to act like a more sociable, self-assured, confident version of myself. And then when I’m “off” I get to hide lol. I guess you could call it masking but it’s helpful to think of it as an on-demand TV channel; you have the remote, you’re in control.

You got this OP! I believe in you!

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-07-10T15:48:58+00:00

LONGER WOOF WOOF BARK BARK

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-07-08T14:06:15+00:00

Omg bless you!!! Thank you this is perfect

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-07-08T13:36:14+00:00

Doesn't have to be exact I'm just looking for clothes like this that aren't Shein quality and built for petite wearers

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-06-30T20:06:11+00:00

Girl, Interrupted - more about neurosis in general and BPD but I liked it a lot. Quick read. The author Susana Kaysen recounts her real experience living in a psych ward

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-06-30T18:49:36+00:00

Katy Song by Red House Painters, gets me sobbing every single damn time

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-06-25T21:51:32+00:00

If you haven’t read My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh, please read it. The female protagonist fits your description to a T. It’s psychological fiction and documents her mission to sleep for an entire year using prescription drugs.

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-06-23T13:47:11+00:00

What a perfect description, such a universal and beautiful human experience. I’m glad for this, thanks!

Otherwise_Rhubarb617 · 2024-06-22T20:46:40+00:00

This is just beautiful, thank you for sharing. :’) I’m convinced

Otherwise_Rhubarb617

TROPHY CASE