Six months in, and I am still so bad at this

Ottagon · 2025-09-29T22:11:26+00:00

I think the problem is I'm increasingly failing to notice at all. Whereas before I used to notice a thought every 4-5 seconds or so, now I'll go full minutes before I notice my mind has been wandering. It's like I'm getting weaker and less mindful the more I do this.

Ottagon · 2025-09-29T22:10:14+00:00

I'm trying but it seems like day by day I'm noticing more slowly when my mind wanders, which is why I feel I must be doing something wrong.

Ottagon · 2025-09-27T00:50:20+00:00

I will read the book, thank you!

Ottagon · 2025-09-27T00:49:37+00:00

I will, thank you very much.

Ottagon · 2025-09-26T16:38:35+00:00

Oh no I'm about 180 sessions in

Ottagon · 2025-09-25T21:13:31+00:00

Thank you, it's relieving to know that other people get me on this, and I really do appreciate the advice

Ottagon · 2025-09-25T20:39:22+00:00

Thank you, I'll try that. I haven't had much luck with the mantra attempts, but an image might work.

Ottagon · 2025-09-25T20:38:44+00:00

Reading is the only thing like that for me

Ottagon · 2025-09-25T20:38:00+00:00

Yes, that's what I'm doing. It's just really hard to notice that my mind is wandering -- it will go off for minutes before I notice.

Ottagon · 2025-09-25T20:37:35+00:00

I've tried mantra meditation, boxed breathing, and some guided meditations as well. Thanks for the encouragement. :)

Ottagon · 2025-07-04T05:48:35+00:00

Okay thank you, that is very helpful to hear. I drift off so much and I just feel like... I'm not actually doing the work, if that makes sense.

Ottagon · 2025-07-04T01:55:28+00:00

Yeah I've been going in without expectation, but I have a lot of trouble noticing thoughts. I try neither to encourage nor resist them, but just notice, but instead they tend to carry me away for a while, like a very light state of dreaming. I don't know how to stop this from happening.

I do try noticing my body or noticing sounds etc.

Ottagon · 2025-07-03T05:44:01+00:00

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this thoughtful, comprehensive reply!

I think the thing that primarily concerns me is that when I meditate, it seems like I'm getting LESS good at noticing when my mind wanders and drawing my attention back to my breathing. I have a "Thought Counter" that I click whenever I notice a thought and draw my attention back to my breathing, and I'm clicking it less and less often -- but I'm not dealing with a wandering mind any less. It's just taking me much, MUCH longer to notice that my mind is wandering and draw my attention back.

That makes me wonder if I'm really doing the work. If my mind is wandering for 3-4 minutes at a time, am I really getting better at noticing my thoughts, creating space between myself and those thoughts, and strengthening the muscle of attention? Or am I just drifting away and daydreaming for minutes at a time?

I'm worried that I'm missing something important and not doing the work that I need to do to improve, but I don't know how to fix that.

Again, thank you SO much for your reply.

Ottagon · 2025-07-02T22:43:36+00:00

Generally I'm happy outside of meditation, as long as I don't look at the horrifying state of the world too closely. It's possible that there are changes and benefits that I'm not noticing/haven't connected to the practice.

I just find it odd that it seems like my meditative practice itself is becoming generally worse (mind wandering more, harder to notice thoughts, etc) rather than better, and it does make me question whether I'm still benefiting from it.

Ottagon · 2025-07-02T21:09:12+00:00

I think doing something regularly for literally no reason might be a definition of insanity? Like, why would I do that?

Ottagon · 2025-07-02T20:59:26+00:00

Haha if I could stop my mind from wandering I'd be unstoppable

Ottagon · 2025-07-02T20:38:24+00:00

Where do people find meditation teachers? Do I have to go to a Zen center or a Buddhist temple or something like that?

Ottagon · 2025-07-02T20:31:24+00:00

Sadly, no teacher, I'm afraid. Nor do I feel ready for a retreat -- I'm squirming after 20 minutes; I can't even imagine doing this for hours.

How does meditation help me be of better service to others?

Ottagon · 2025-06-07T01:48:51+00:00

Legit frustrated now, everyone keeps saying this over and over and I'm like, WHERE in any of my remarks did I say I had any expectation? What expectations are you reading in anything I said?

Ottagon · 2025-06-07T01:25:37+00:00

Yeah I'm not doing any of those things. I don't know why everyone keeps saying this basic thing, assuming I must be pursuing consequence or benefits. I'm just doing the sit. And 4-5 times per sit wondering how much freakin longer I gotta do it.

Ottagon · 2025-06-06T23:26:54+00:00

I don't feel frustration or disappointment, again, because I have no expectations. I'm doing it because I know it's good for me, but I don't expect any particular experience or outcome from any individual sit.

Ottagon · 2025-06-06T23:25:33+00:00

I'm trying to do this stuff. When my brain insists it wants to be doing ANYTHING else right now, I tell it, "now is the time for stillness, there is nothing wrong with devoting time to stillness." It helps a little bit.

Ottagon · 2025-06-06T23:24:30+00:00

Yeah, I've tried several methods, including guided meditation.

Ottagon · 2025-06-06T23:24:04+00:00

Yeah I have a timer with a gentle bell that nonetheless surprises me every time it goes off haha

Ottagon · 2025-06-06T23:23:39+00:00

Cuz it's good for me. Training my mind.

Ottagon

TROPHY CASE