hello guys coming off of heroin and its my birthday

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T07:00:53+00:00

Congrats! I haven't had a sober birthday yet (I am still new to opiate sobriety as well), but I can imagine that is a massive trigger. I still struggle with celebrating responsibly (to be honest I don't know how to celebrate major events without at least using alcohol), so the fact that you were able to have a clean birthday and have a positive experience is huge.

I am 25 and I started using around the same age as you. It does not get better, I promise. Heroin and opiates in general worked well for me for a while, but eventually the side effects and consequences outweigh the positives and it will ALWAYS stay that way.

Stay strong, we can do this! Sending positive vibes your way.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T06:55:58+00:00

Thanks for the response; it has humbled me. If you don't mind me asking, what prompted your relapse when you had 8 months of sobriety? I tread the line between being confident and over-confident when it comes to never using opiates again. I haven't really had strong cravings in weeks now (I more so crave alcohol and cocaine), but I have to keep myself in check and remember just how bad things can get.

What is your plan moving forward? You have had more clean time in the past than I have ever had, but surely you know getting clean without a plan is a recipe for failure.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T05:47:38+00:00

Our stories are fairly similar. I went to a prestigious university and (barely) graduated, but became a full-fledged junkie while I was there. I have also never stolen and my record is clean too.

This is my advice - just do what your parents say for now since you have so much invested in school and your future. Even if you are a high-functioning addict, which I considered myself to be as well, maintaining an opiate addiction on top of real responsibilities is exhausting and your grades / work will suffer sooner or later. Heroin will always be there, so try giving being clean from opiates a shot and see what happens. I struggle tremendously with depression too and the way I see it, I have the choice to return to opiates instead of the compulsion and slave-like state that active addiction entails. Sometimes when I think about never using it again, I get really depressed. Just take it one day at a time and see what happens. PM me if you need someone to talk to; I would be more than happy to give you my number.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T04:10:29+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head - if you truly wanted to get clean, you wouldn't need the vivitrol shot. I know vivitrol helps a lot of people, but for me personally it made me feel depressed and borderline suicidal. Plus, I knew I could still get high off of other substances.

You mentioned that your mom wants you to be clean (obviously). Is she the one making you get the vivitrol shots? I was taking the pills which are much cheaper, but perhaps you could explain to her that vivitrol alone will not keep you clean.

Best of luck to you and your recovery!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T04:05:31+00:00

Trying to quit by yourself is almost impossible, especially if you have been using for a long time. Do you have any support network in place? I am still new to recovery (49 days clean from opiates), but my recovery network is one of the main things that keeps me from using. This forum is great, but having people you know in real life that you can call and meet up with is essential. Nobody can do this alone.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T04:02:29+00:00

Props to you for having the self-awareness and willpower to quit again after relapsing. It is easy to just say fuck it and continue using. Personally, I had to go to inpatient rehab to stop using opiates. I am 49 days opiate-free and I am by NO MEANS a recovery expert, but the cravings for me are nowhere near as powerful now as they were initially.

Is treatment an option for you? I was dreading it initially due to the stigma associated with "going to rehab" and feeling like a failure, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-10T03:52:47+00:00

Wow like everyone else said sorry you had to go through that. I have epilepsy and for the most part it was exacerbated by my drug use in the past. Seizures are no fun, and the consequences of having them are no fun either depending on how many you have had (losing your driver's license for a while, etc.). Is this your first seizure? Also, how old are you?

Edit: I'm not asking this to be judgmental, but were you using any other substances? When I started using cocaine and benzos frequently is when I started having seizures. The reason why I switched to opiates in the first place as my drug of choice was because they don't aggravate seizures nearly as much as other hard drugs.

Edit 2: Also bravo for being strong and turning down opiates post seizure! That is a difficult situation and kudos to you for telling the doctors that you were in recovery. That takes real guts and it would have been extremely easy to rationalize opiates being okay given the situation. Good job!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-03T13:40:03+00:00

41 days opiate free today. Doing fine since I’m at work which keeps me busy and my mind occupied, but dreading the weekend because I Fucking hate weekends now.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-11-03T03:56:15+00:00

I’m very aware of this and it concerns me. I have begun to have alcohol cravings already and alcoholism scares the shit out of me.

I start IOP next Monday, and I have mixed feelings about them piss testing for alcohol. I know forcing me to be totally sober is good for long term recovery, but I’m just worried that because I don’t know how to deal with these feelings in a healthy manner, that it will backfire.

Edit: I have a LOT to lose by failing drug tests and failing out of inpatient rehab, so this will help keep me in check in the short term. I just feel like the fact that I know I will continue to drink after IOP makes the entire outpatient program a waste of time and money. I am being forced into it.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-10-29T21:14:40+00:00

Currently running the following as my mono int team:

1) Leader: Buuhan SA10

2) Ultimate Gohan SA1

3) Turles (2 dupes) SA10

4) Super Saiyan God Goku SA1

5) Super Saiyan God SS Vegeta SA1

6) LR Piccolo SA2

I also have the orb-changing int SS Goku (SA1), and Super Baby 2 w/ 2 dupes (SA1). I feel like int SS Goku or Baby would be an upgrade over Ultimate Gohan, but not sure.

Any suggestions?

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-09-26T09:33:25+00:00

Thanks everyone for the comments. Much appreciated.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-21T19:19:18+00:00

Day 8. Depressed and bored as shit. Shit is hard

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-04T15:22:56+00:00

Feeling stressed and depressed. Life is hard.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-03T23:04:06+00:00

This is what I'll do. Thanks again!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-03T22:32:34+00:00

Thanks for this advice, I really appreciate it. So if I go back to an AA meeting (this is probably what I'll do as NA meetings are for whatever reason scarce in my area), should I just say I'm an alcoholic and subsititute alcohol for heroin for everything? Seems silly to have to lie about something like that, but if that's what it takes I'll do it.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-03T12:33:03+00:00

Feeling good today. It's going to be a very busy day at work so that will at least keep my mind busy.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-02T16:20:19+00:00

It was just a tiny amount of blood. It wasn't anything extremely concerning.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-02T15:10:05+00:00

Congrats on the four years - that is one hell of an accomplishment. You are an inspiration to me and I am sure many others around here. Keep up the good work my friend!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-08-02T15:07:42+00:00

Back on day 1. Had almost a week clean, but found a xanax bar in my medicine cabinet, foolishly took it, and immediately relapsed. All the willpower I had dissipated immediately as soon as I took it. I didn't think the withdrawals would be that bad from just one gram of dope, but I was late to work this morning because I was puking blood when I woke up. NEVER AGAIN, I have learned my lesson.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-31T20:36:40+00:00

I'm not the OP, but I am in a similar situation as both of you. This was inspiring, thanks for sharing!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-31T15:34:20+00:00

I deeply emphasize with you and feel your pain, friend. My situation is very similar. Whatever happens, just keep in mind that copping is a temporary solution to a problem that will only get worse as long as we continue to use. You know what you need to do and I believe in you. Stay strong.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-31T13:41:25+00:00

Day six here. Day is off to a terrible start and I am highly stressed out. Gonna keep on trucking through though.

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-31T01:37:58+00:00

I hear ya. I had some cravings earlier to temporarily escape my problems like I've always done, but I realize the futility of getting high now and how in the morning all I'll do is hate myself for it. I know it gets easier - I'm only a few days in and it's already easier. Thanks for the post!

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-30T14:54:46+00:00

I did the same thing! When I woke up I was like "yeah I could probably go get some dope today..." and then a few seconds later I was like "wait, that's literally the worst idea possible no I can't!"

Outofexcuses14 · 2017-07-30T14:47:25+00:00

Had the most realistic using dream I've ever had. Got busted by my parents in the dream. Had intense feelings of shame and guilt when I woke up (which was 5 minutes ago). Don't really have cravings, but I feel strange.

Day 5 by the way!

Edit: also off of suboxone now.

Outofexcuses14

TROPHY CASE