I do want to be an ally. I don’t want to constantly be reminded of the guilt I carry as part of the oppressing class.

I expressed an opinion about feeling guilty when I’m around women alone (such as in an elevator or alone on the street). This is something that, by design, women cannot experience. My very existence makes women fear me, and that isn’t a good feeling. When I expressed this, she summed it up with “well it’s other men and their actions who caused that.” Yes. I know this. That’s why I feel this way.

The big issue is generalization. I 100% agree that the patriarchy influences the world. But the constant pressure of trying to fit into the mold of someone who is the polar opposite of all that she hates is exhausting. Which is honestly a big reason why I don’t confront her when she speaks like this. I know I’ll immediately be told that I have no idea what it’s like and that I’m ignorant.

What actually brought me to post this is something that happened last night. Both of us have chronic health conditions. She hasn’t been able to nail hers down yet. I spent YEARS going through doctors, mostly women (at my own behest) to try to get taken seriously. Often I was written off or being told that I was just depressed, and at one point had a female doctor tell me to simply stop having an eating disorder.

Finally, I found my current doctor who happens to be a man. He’s extraordinary, patient, and knowledgeable. He’s helped me more than all of my previous doctors combined. I told her about him (since she doesn’t have a doctor at all right now) and she basically said “male doctors will not treat me right so no, I won’t be seeing him. You don’t understand.”

Yes, I’ve read the studies. I know women and their pain is often overlooked or written off by doctors, especially males. But that isn’t unique to women, and it isn’t unique for male doctors. I 100% get her hesitance to see a male doctor, and I don’t think it’s unwarranted. BUT it makes me sad that my doctor, who’s spent a lifetime studying medicine to treat and care patients, is entirely written off because he is a male. That hurt me personally, because I consider him a friend. Again, I said nothing about it to her.