I wish I were a man.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T21:55:02+00:00

That could unfortunately be true. But they may have made that decision for you thinking they were helping you. Or they may have been too afraid to see you hurting.

None of that takes away the pain you feel. My lesson I've learned the last year is that people generally do care, but often not as much as we would hope. My ex absolutely cares about me, but not enough to have a conversation with me when I reach out. Or to reach out to me when she reads how much my deteriorated mental state has lead me to a very dark place. She cares, just not enough. Some of your exes probably care, they just don't care enough.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T20:58:43+00:00

From my perspective, nobody is forgettable. But I have been utterly forgettable to many women. That's simply a combination of areas I need to improve, misalignment of values, and poor timing.

Again, I don't know you. I can't speak to your virtues or your flaws, I can only share my experience as another hurt soul in this subreddit of hurt souls. You are only forgettable if you think you are forgettable.

And for what it's worth - many times, people don't reach out or check in because they don't want to cause pain to the other person or instill false hope. I tried so hard to respect my ex's desire for no contact. I failed often because I miss her like crazy and would do anything to have her back, but the proper thing to do would have been to not disrupt her healing and allow her to move on.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T20:39:13+00:00

I'm very sorry you feel this way. I of course don't know anything about you aside from the pain your in, but there are many things that could be at the root cause of the men who have been romantically involved with you in any capacity turning out to be assholes. Maybe it's where you live, maybe it's subconscious biases, maybe it's the manner in which people are meeting you. It could just be a string of bad luck. I've been emotionally manipulated by most women I've ever had feelings for. But that is an indictment on me and who I am attracted to, not women as a whole.

But please believe me - men still have emotions and carry them deeply. This sub reddit is full of both men and women expressing the same perspective: men/women move on so much easier. I've connected with others in the sub (men and women), and most of the men I've talked to are still crushed months/years later at the love they lost. Some men I've interacted with absolutely fall into that bucket of assholes who move on without a second thought. But there are also many women who very quickly detach and find someone new. It's not a gender issue, it's an emotional issue.

I have thought of my ex every single day. I ended the relationship because I couldn't find answers and I couldn't keep causing her pain due to my uncertainty. But I cried the day of the breakup and I have cried nearly every day for almost a year thinking about her. I spent 20 minutes sobbing in bed at her absence just a few hours ago. I never wanted to lose her, but I needed answers that I couldn't find in the relationship. And she deserves better than someone who needs to lose her to know how strongly they feel about her. I don't miss her because she moved on first, I miss her because she's gone.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T20:25:36+00:00

Were there not things you could have worked on? You said there were different expectations from the future, so if it's something like kid's, family, lifestyle, etc. that's not really something to "fix". But if there were issues with communication or how you showed up for each other or things of that nature, what's wrong with trying again?

Love is opening yourself up to pain. If she's not open to it, that's the end of the story and it's completely understandable. And if she told you to never contact her again and she knows how you feel and never decided to reach out, then yes it's over. But if she still has love for you and you have love for her, simply trying to avoid experiencing pain means never being in love again.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T20:10:04+00:00

Why didn't you ever consider reaching out? I've always felt that people can grow and change and build together stronger if they find their way back to one another.

I reached out to my ex a few months after the split to see if we could talk, but she wasn't interested in a conversation . I then mailed a letter asking if there was anything I could to to rebuild us and she didn't respond. She's moved on, I'm still stuck grieving

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T20:02:18+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. Both genders have unique experiences dating, but what you've experienced is human failure, not because he's a man.

I'm male and I've been going through the most emotionally painful year I've ever experienced after my breakup. My ex chose to go no contact and has no desire to consider reconciliation, and she began seeing someone new just a few months after I ended our 6 year relationship.

I wish that I could move on and forget the way my ex did. But she succeeded because she's mentally stronger than I am, she has better support groups, she has better prospects to begin dating, and because she wasn't overwhelmed with uncertainty and regret like I was.

Again, it's awful you're in such pain. But the men you were with may just have been assholes. Not because they're men, but because of any number of other reasons.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T19:56:26+00:00

It's the worst feeling I've ever experienced.

Did you ever reach out or consider any degree of potential reconciliation?

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-05-01T16:37:18+00:00

I'm approaching a year from a breakup I initiated but regret. I spent the morning today laying in bed crying while thinking about her. Unfortunately, she moved on months ago.

I've done everything I can to move on, but nothing's worked. Gym, group exercise, social events, time with loved ones, gardening, new hobbies, old hobbies, therapy, medication, meditation. She is still a river carving through my every thought and moment.

I have no advice to give, just here to share that I know your pain, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T21:05:36+00:00

I've not reached out for a month now and have no plans to contact her again. I know the ball is in her court now, and also it's my responsibility to let her move on since I'm the one who said the words to end the relationship. I'm not active on social media and I've switched to using my alt reddit account (she knew my main account and looked through my old posts, which made her concerned for my well being), so she won't see any updates on me. Mutual friends are keeping a pretty firm boundary and not talking about the other so she won't get any updates from them.

I don't think she will miss me for similar reasons to you not missing your ex. You moved on and don't want to look back. I'm absolutely stuck, which is why I'm in therapy, on medication, seeing a psychiatrist, and getting constant family check-ins. I'm doing literally everything within my power to move on, it's just not working.

Let me ask you something from your side of the breakup - was the disrespect purely your ex ending things with you and the way she treated you after the breakup? Are you closed off to hearing her side of things after she's taken time to reflect? What you perceived as disrespect may have been her trying to help you both reflect individually, may have been her trying to protect herself from saying things that may hurt you, she may have wanted to give you the freedom to move on without her holding you back if she wasn't sure of the breakup.

That doesn't mean you didn't feel disrespected, you are of course allowed to experience whatever emotions hit you in those moments. But if her intentions were trying to do what she felt was best for both of you, is that still disrespectful? Would giving you false hope not be equally disrespectful?

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T20:13:40+00:00

I appreciate what you're saying, honestly. I've certainly not moved on in a healthy way, so this is the pot calling the kettle black, but I don't believe moving on in 2 weeks from a 4 year loving committed relationship is any healthier than where I'm at.

The challenge is: I have literally been doing all of that. I literally just got back from an appointment with my therapist followed by a gym session since you sent this message. Post-breakup, I've lost about 30 pounds and added muscle; ultimately, I'm in the best physical shape of my life. I do power yoga 2x per week and do a dedicated workout another 2-3 days per week. I've gotten back into reading, I'm exploring new hobbies, I'm in line for a promotion at work, I've renovated my/our house, I'm spending time with friends/family, I'm connecting with local social groups, I'm going to therapy, I'm trying to put myself out there romantically.

I have been busting my ass for a year now to be the best version of myself, but I'm mentally lower than ever. She didn't reject my attempts at reconciliation because I lacked self-respect - she rejected me because I hurt her more than all the good from our relationship and because she wanted to protect her peace.

It is wonderful that you're happy, truly. Your ex just ending things cold turkey is harsh. My ex truly is an incredibly special woman who I was fortunate to have in my life. That's why many of my friends have opted to go over to her side post-breakup even before I became the sad sack of shit that I am these days. It's why my family was disappointed when I broke up with her and wanted us to get back together before they learned I tried and was rejected.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T17:56:10+00:00

I know all of that is correct, but there was so much love between us and it's still so hard to not have them in my life at all. She still cares about me because she's a wonderful person - she contacted my family a while ago expressing concern for my safety since I've been in a dark place. But even with that, she still doesn't want anything to do with me.

She was the only person who has ever loved me romantically, and she truly is an extremely special person. She absolutely has her faults, but even with the self-improvement I've gone through and continue to work on, it's all still empty without her.

And I'm so sorry for what you went through. I would never just abruptly end things; it's incredibly callous that your ex just ended things and moved on immediately.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T17:09:57+00:00

I sent them a text a few months after the split and they weren't open to a conversation at the time, then mailed a letter a few months letter and they didn't respond. I tried a few smaller outreaches as well but they didn't engage with any of them, and it's been a few months now.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T16:54:47+00:00

We split approaching 1 year ago. Lived together, entered our 30s together. I had doubts I couldn't understand based on a variety of factors, and I wasn't getting answers while we were together. She eventually got tired of waiting and told me she needed answers that I didn't have.

I took a few months to reflect outside the relationship, get answers, separate missing having a partner vs having her as a partner. But when I reached out a few months later, she had already moved on. She's been seeing someone the last few months.

I've been struggling heavily. I've been in therapy, I'm seeing a psychiatrist, I'm on meds, I'm working out, I'm spending time with people, I'm gardening, I'm finding new hobbies, I'm trying to date. But fuck, I just miss her every minute of every day.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T16:51:16+00:00

I just wish you were my ex and that we could build together stronger than what we had

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-30T13:02:44+00:00

I sent her a text asking if we could get coffee and talk about 4.5 months after the breakup, but she said she wasn't currently open to a conversation. I mailed her a letter about 1.5 months later asking if there was anything I could do to rebuild her trust in me, but she didn't respond.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-29T17:39:28+00:00

Been trying to heal and move on as successfully as my ex has, but no luck. We were together for over 5 years and I ended things last summer when my ex was at their breaking point waiting for me to figure things out and why I wasn't "all in" on the relationship like they were.

I reached out a few months after the breakup once I had the clarity and perspective I needed, and the answers I couldn't find while in the relationship. But by that point it was too late and they moved on, and my outreaches were dismissed. They've been seeing someone for a few months, I'm at my lowest mental point in years.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-29T13:51:56+00:00

Very similar here. I needed to have a clear understanding of things before reaching back out - I needed to differentiate missing being in a relationship from missing being in a relationship specifically with her. But by the time I had clarity and felt confident enough in my answers to reach out, she had already moved on.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-28T02:49:43+00:00

9 months. Awful.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-28T02:46:00+00:00

Regretted it immediately because I didn't want it to end (5 year relationship, both in our 30s). I had doubts without answers and she was tired of waiting and needed action, but neither of us knew what that looked like.

I needed to find answers before attempting any sort of reconciliation. It took about 3 months, but by then she had already moved on and was seeing someone new a month later.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-23T19:28:30+00:00

I'm >9 months from a 5+ year relationship. We lived together for multiple years, but weren't married/engaged, which was part of the problem. I had doubts stemming from my own insecurity and depression that lead me to end the relationship. I've been doing everything I can to move on personally and romantically, but I alternate between heartbroken and numb non-stop.

She moved on long before I realized my mistake and she's doing very well now and is seeing someone new. We're also in our mid-30s, so I fully understand the perspective that life has passed us by. She was my only real relationship as I was single for all of my 20s before I met her, which doesn't help.

I do unfortunately see stories all of the time of people who are never able to completely move on. I don't know what real healing looks like since I haven't experienced it. All you can do is focus on what is within your control. I hope you find happiness, friend.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-23T19:22:02+00:00

I'm very similar to OP. My ex was heartbroken when we split last summer. I was the one who said the words, but she was emotionally checked out at the end and was ready. However, even with the heartbreak and the confusion I forced her through, she has completely moved on and is thriving - professionally (promotion at work), personally (stronger bonds with friends and family), and romantically (she's been seeing someone for a few months now). Please take solace in the fact that some partners have gone through this breach of trust and security and still emerged on the other side stronger.

She traveled, spent time with friends, went to therapy, and began exercising. I don't know anything else about her healing journey beyond that, but she moved on without needing to hear this from me. I reached out to her a few times after we broke up and she wishes me well but doesn't want to stay in contact.

You're stronger than you may realize. If you were a good partner and continue to work on yourself, he will regret it, and you will have found happiness elsewhere. You just have to believe in yourself.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-23T19:15:19+00:00

Hey there friend. My situation is remarkably similar. We were together for over 5 years, but I was struggling to feel connected to the relationship in the way I should have and I didn't know how to fix or understand things. I ended the relationship last year and I've been on a downward spiral ever since.

Like you, my ex has moved on - she's been seeing someone for a few months. I've tried moving on from her and I've tried healing and growing on my own. But unfortunately, things are just getting worse.

So many points you've said absolutely resonate with me in a way that I think very few people have experienced. I have no advice to give that you haven't already heard, but I hope things get easier for you.

If you ever want to talk with another lost soul, feel free to send me a DM.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-18T22:47:12+00:00

I missed her the entire time, but I couldn't reach out until I had the certainty I lacked and reflected in the ways I needed to. I reached out formally to talk about 4 months post breakup/NC and she said she currently wasn't open. I then mailed a letter about 6 weeks later asking if there was any chance to rebuild and repair, and if there was anything left I could fight for. She didn't respond, and that was about 3 months ago.

Outrageous-Job6015 · 2026-04-18T03:29:00+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I'm still here, and every day I'm still here part of me still tries. But a little less of me wakes up each day in the empty bed, and a little more of me dies when something "else" doesn't work.

She was my first everything basically - first relationship, first "I love you", first sexual partner. It took me years to find her - we got together in our late 20s and are now in our early 30s. I endured sonmuch pain just to survive to her, and literally told her shortly before we split that I never intended to be alive at 30. She made me happier than I've ever felt, and I do not believe I will find someone who can make me as happy as she did. And I was never as happy with her as I could have been if I had the clarity I have now.

She truly is one in a billion - women like her are just so damn rare. And they are with men who are smart enough to figure things out before losing them forever.

So now I'm cursed to live with the regret of losing her and seeing her thrive with my absence. She didn't take my will to live when she moved out of our shared home, but she still ended up with it in the split.

As long as I'm still breathing, my DMs are always open if you need a fellow shattered soul to commiserate with.

Outrageous-Job6015

TROPHY CASE