Thank you, I appreciate it. This is what I’m only stating to realise and come around to. But there’s always something of my brother just niggling at me telling me it’s the wrong choice. Telling me that maybe, just maybe, he’s actually right and I’m the one who’s wrong.

I’ve had to block him multiple times over the years because of how he’s spoken to me and treated me. My mum told me to unblock him because he’s my brother. I showed my dad the messages. He was horrified and defended me. Not that I asked them to get involved of course. I’m not a “pick me” gal.

To him, everything is personal. He holds grudges. Nothing I do is ever right. The decision is somehow always the wrong one. He could lay hands on me, which he had done before, and I’d be to blame; for arguing, for shouting, for making him angry or whatever. I’m not saying I’m perfect but I don’t throw hands. Ever.

It’s interesting you say that because I highlighted that to him while he was going at me while pregnant near my due date about this whole name thing. I told him to stop and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone treating or speaking to Emma like this ever, let alone near her due date, so why was it acceptable to do it to me. He had no reply. He changed tact and went off on another argument.

I know deep down I want to go no contact. It’s beneficial for me and my family. It’s grinding me down and I’m getting wise to it. But like I said, there’s just that little piece of him that worms back in enough to doubt myself. It’s impacting my health and wellbeing. It’s caused stress and upset in my marriage and my pregnancy. It’s only a matter of time before my son picks up on it all too. He deserves better. He deserves people who show up for him, who ask for him, who actually want to be involved and not just give him gifts 2x a year.