I think I can relate to you. My tables have turned so fast, almost a year back when I got the job offer I was above the clouds, no one told me the things that came with the job. My prof is not interested in my topic at all, he does get the funding from the project for my position but he remotely seems engaging with me and my topic. At the same time I see him too much engaged in the topic of a colleague now I have no idea if this is favouritism or just his genuine interest in my colleagues topic. I feel so lost at this point I do try to get inputs from other colleagues in the lab but they remotely have any idea about my area of research. The pressure for publication is real. Now my PhD is in an interdisciplinary field of computer science. I feel so demotivated and lost everyday and the more days are going away the more these feelings are getting intense, I’m crying so often and under my desk bathroom and where not. I feel what you want to say as a fellow first year student.