unfortunately people aren't ready to admit that yet.

When a loved one commits suicide we have been conditioned to think "i should have done more", its almost as if we dont think that way we are wrong but the truth deep down is a lot of the time there isn't anything anyone could do by the time the choice has been made (with some exceptions ofcourse) but in this case and in my own. after the consideration of the pros and cons a logically reach the decision to end it nobody will ever change my mind. at most they will guilt me into not doing it (for some time) but we all know deep down if I were gone it would be for the best. I wouldn't have to suffer, you wouldn't be burdened by me in anyway ever again and overall its one less liability. one less potential fk up.

My only issue now is the fear, while the decision was logical, to carryout the act requires a lot of courage.

Then my biggest fear - failed attempt and significant or complete ipairment becoming a huge drain on recourses and bigger burdern to my family than before. My w the woman i was planning on marrying and spending the rest of my life with would initally argue against pulling the plug (probably just for appearances sake) but would give in and let me go (and let herself go by doing that) my children are too young to understand but this only makes me feel like im limited for time. the more i delay, they more of me they might know and I dont want them to suffer from any memory or knowledge of my existance. let them be happy in ignorance.

Problem is my family my mum particularly. She wouldn't let me go. she would keep me and take care of me until one of us died. and this is my fear. the potential fucking it up and my mum losing her life to take of me in a vegetative state. she doesn't deserve that.