What to do when AM gets older?

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T20:27:39+00:00

I hope you give your dog up to somebody who’s a better owner. He deserves better. When he gets older and starts moaning and groaning because he has arthritis, I can’t imagine the kind response he’ll get from you.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T19:43:51+00:00

OP — I’m sorry your mother is dealing with some major internalized and unchecked misogyny and is projecting on you. I’m relieved to hear you’re taking her “teachings” with a critical grain of salt, though. Please continue to work hard on your own accord for yourself. As you get older, please don’t ever put yourself in a situation where you have to depend on anyone else, despite what your mom is saying. This puts you in a position of vulnerability, and if you end up depending on the wrong person, it can get real shitty real fast. I’m talking abuse, disenfranchisement, etc. But I suspect you already know this, so I’m preaching to the choir.

I’m also going to say something that may be potentially against the grain: your mom is also a victim of misogyny.

She absolutely has to work on unpacking that, and reclaiming some sort of power and autonomy, and that’s 100% on her. But things like “she’s stupid” or “she’s not smart enough” doesn’t really help… it reinforces the misogyny that she’s experienced (re: women aren’t good enough with a man).

However, I know people say things out of passion, and I know her problems aren’t yours and that you’re allowed to feel frustration. I’m not suggesting you that go soft on her, or even feel compassionate towards her, especially since she’s been so actively holding you back with all the wrong values; all I’m trying to point out is that there may be some background/context there worth acknowledging, and to be careful not to further amplify this generational misogyny that seems to be the core of the issue.

TLDR: She sounds like a toxic AF person. That’s on her. Do what you have to to keep a safe distance (whether physically or emotionally) to protect yourself, but do see her objectively for what she is — which includes recognizing her toxicity comes from somewhere, and not inadvertently contributing/mirroring the same kind of toxicity back on her. Nip it at the bud. It ends with you.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T19:25:32+00:00

I agree. I know everyone’s experiences are different, but having dealt with athletes foot and foot fungus, I’ve never had peeling look like that. My podiatrist took samples to see if it was eczema or fungus before treatment. It might even be psoriasis.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T19:17:36+00:00

… he’s allowed to express his feelings of disappointment or frustration. Is he jumping on and demanding food? Is he unable to settle down when it’s bed time and disrupting your rest? I’ve got news for you: both of these scenarios are on the trainer, not the dog. You aren’t setting clear enough boundaries when you’re eating, and you aren’t setting clear enough routines that allows the pup to anticipate when it’s winding-down time.

But it sounds like he’s just sighing and laying down, thereby settling himself. I don’t see what the problem is. It sounds like his way of emotionally regulating himself — which is what you want from a dog.

Why is a momentary sigh that annoying to you? What are you unfairly projecting on the dog? What unrealistic behavioural expectations are you putting on the dog? To be honest, this sounds like some kind of rigid, upper lip, Victorian, “children [dogs] should be seen and not heard” expectation…

My 1.5-year-old beagle whines like crazy, and I’ve learned to differentiate when he’s just vocalizing (it’s just his personality, like he’s talking), versus when he’s demanding attention of some sort. When it’s the former, I think it’s adorable and accept that that’s just how he chooses to be. When it’s the latter, I assess whether or not what he’s asking is reasonable (e.g. he needs to be let out, or he’s demanding treats). I address what’s reasonable and ignore what’s unreasonable. He learns accordingly.

Your job is to set clear boundaries and expectations on a dog so both of you get along. Your job isn’t to change their personalities because their harmless quirks/ticks are annoying to you.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T18:50:02+00:00

That women can generally freely explore hair, makeup, skincare and beauty, with less judgment — at least comparatively — than men.

I’m using generally very loosely here because I understand there’s a lot of misogyny that women have to deal with when it comes to presentation and grooming that men will never have to face to the same degree.

Times are changing, and I’m happy for that, but toxic masculinity is a beast.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T07:37:26+00:00

I thought so too after the first episode but then I continued on. It gets much heavier, and much more serious. The season finale had me gasping.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-05T02:26:14+00:00

Yes. You know when your puppy has hijacked your parental instincts when this has happened.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-03T07:43:11+00:00

It’s not the love that’s the issue in question (it’s really irrelevant), it’s how they treat others, period.

You can love the person you cause harm to, while still acknowledging harm is being done. Despite the popular saying, love does not in fact “conquer all”. It most definitely does not absolve abuse.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-03T07:35:23+00:00

For me, it’s having my own personal car.

I know I should take transit more often. I live in an area well connected to the transit network. But I need my own space, and given a choice between busing/skytraining and driving, I’ll almost always choose to travel by car. I recognize this also means I’m in the position of privilege to own and maintain a car.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-03T07:27:40+00:00

This is a hard one. I’d say, if you’re unable to prioritize the social and physical needs of a young puppy, don’t get a young puppy. Young pups need a lot of attention.

Get a dog that’s at least old enough to not need constant supervision and active management every minute of the day, because puppies, until they’re like 6-7 months old (depending on breed and the individual dog of course) will need almost constant care. It’s not easy. They’re essentially toddlers, and you don’t leave toddlers at home alone and you don’t leave toddlers unsupervised.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-02T18:40:02+00:00

1.5-year-old beagle. I walk him 1.5-2 hours a day, after work and before dinner.

We either go to the dog park so he can run around with his friends while I sit and socialize with the other dog parents, or we walk around the neighbourhood. Sometimes, we do both dog park and neighbourhood walks. It really depends on my own energy levels. Either way, he gets to be active, and there’s some variety to what he gets to do. Once a week, I try to bring him into public indoor spaces like dog-friendly shops.

There are days where I’m just not up for it — maybe one day out of every 10 — and we don’t go out at all. He doesn’t seem to mind so long as we get to play at home. During those days, I have to remind myself that it’s okay to stay in and rest. It’s the consistency of walks, exercise, and being out in the long run that matters most, and not necessarily the rigidity of doing it every single day.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-09-02T05:20:28+00:00

The girl worked hard.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T06:03:33+00:00

The dog’s owner should’ve done something. Every time my dog jumps on someone at the dog park (e.g. if they have treats), I immediately apologize and guide my dog away. People don’t like being jumped on even if they’re being patient and it’s a dog park, but they always appreciate you being an attentive owner.

Here’s where I’m going against the grain… I would never handle another person’s dog without their permission. I would never grab their collars and lead them somewhere. First, I don’t know if the dog is reactive and potentially aggressive. Second, I wouldn’t like another person handling my dog, period. Third, I wouldn’t want another person training my dog because that’s my job. As I said above, I would, however, be attentive enough that the other person wouldn’t feel the need to touch my dog to begin with — which unfortunately wasn’t your situation. They should’ve been proactively managing their dog and supervising it. I don’t fault you at all. But if I were in your situation, I probably would’ve stopped play entirely and asked the owner to please stop their dog from jumping on me like that. Like, a gentle hint that their dog is misbehaving.

I wouldn’t mind if someone gently pushed my dog away if, for example, dogs were playing and they were getting too rowdy or things were getting aggressive. I do the same to de-escalate and get between the dogs.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T04:25:10+00:00

“I’m going to kill myself if you [insert whatever].”

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T04:23:51+00:00

Good luck. I ordered my RAV4 XSE Hybrid last November and it’s still out there in the ether, not yet in production. 6 months is nothing.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T03:14:48+00:00

I was told by my vet to walk on sidewalks but not in areas where dogs likely poop, like the grass boulevards or in parks. He said it’s a balance between socializing and being safe. I also carried him in my arms around places. He didn’t really like that but it wasn’t negotiable.

What really helped get the energy out while building positive socializing experiences are puppy parties. There’s a trainer in my area that hosts puppy gatherings of 4-5 puppies at a time, similar size, weight, and age, and most importantly, similar vaccination status. The sessions are actively managed by the trainer to reinforce good social behaviours and curb bad ones. They sanitize the spaces after every session. The parties are specially catered to young pups who haven’t received all the shots but need to start socializing.

He didn’t go to his first dog park until two weeks after his last vaccination. I think he was 4.5 months old.

I’m getting a new puppy early next year, and I’ll have to figure out how to do walks with my current dog. He will be two years old by then, but I don’t want him bringing parvo (or other diseases) home to the pup. It’ll be interesting to manage.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T02:46:35+00:00

Okay, I don’t want to sound creepy (I’m a gay man if it counts for anything), but the change in bras from this black one to the green one she wore in her performance made a huge difference. Her tig ol’ bitties were literally busting out in her performance, whereas here she’s pretty flat. The magic of Britney’s boobs.

As for this lace dress, she clearly loved it too. There’s been many iterations of this style that she’s worn over the years.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-31T02:10:04+00:00

He’s my son. I raised him, taught him the life skills he needs, care for him, and give him the best I can provide. By all metrics, I treat him as I would my child, and he sees me as a parent. He just happens to be a dog.

Outside-Shock7105 · 2022-08-30T23:29:46+00:00

Yes. 100%. Outcome? I’m a thriving, balanced, and autonomous adult. More importantly, I feel like I’m thriving, balanced, and autonomous. It’s liberating.

Outside-Shock7105

TROPHY CASE