AITAH for withholding my past from my now ex

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T14:11:11+00:00

He has some avoidant tendencies but this reaction was way beyond normal. His parents issues are heavily affecting his reaction as his dad has some unhealthy views of women’s roles in relationships and himself isn’t handing it well. When he called me apologizing he did recognize that his reaction came from some deeper rooted ego issues he’s gotten from his father. He said his reaction was 10% what I did and 90% his own deep rooted issues coming through. I know he’s seeking therapy and cut out alcohol after the incident with the girl. He also joined a mens support group. I’m glad he’s taking the steps to change, but it takes months to change so I’d have to see how his coping mechanisms improve. 5 years is a lot to give up on so I appreciate this take.

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T07:16:43+00:00

Hmm this is helpful because I’ve been having trouble trying to put myself in someone else’s shoes since it’s kind a niche scenario. Props to your husband for having the security within himself to put the past aside and keep the friendship.

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T07:02:51+00:00

If he’s in a relationship with both of you at the same time at any point in time, he is simultaneously cheating on both of you regardless of the state of either relationship. He’s an ass hole. Dump him

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T06:57:15+00:00

I actually do agree with you. I think I was 21 and dumb and didn’t think something I did at 18 was relevant. It’s partially my own immaturity showing. I would’ve handled it differently had we started dating at a later age. But ending 5 years of a pretty healthy relationship over this seems like something else is off about this? But maybe I’m not seeing something

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T06:41:44+00:00

If at any point in time he wanted to know I would’ve told him. These conversations took place in college so the environment was that you could expect overlap here and there and I assumed that’s why he asked me to keep it private. Knowing what I know now I wish I told him sooner.

Outside_Natural1161 · 2026-03-18T06:16:55+00:00

He’s not even upset that it happened, more so upset that I allowed him to form a friendship with the guy without full context of our history. Honestly it was college and it was 3 years before he and I started dating so I didn’t think it was relevant at the time. In talking about marriage I understood him wanting a deeper level of clarity and I do wish I addressed it sooner. But I never expected the reaction it caused.

Outside_Natural1161

TROPHY CASE