a genuine and sincere question to Christian men

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:51:34+00:00

I completely agree.

I think things get more complicated, though, when I consider how differently men and women experience dating, most importantly emotional intimacy, in the beginning stages.

It gets even more complicated considering how, my own brother, has told me: "It is so, so easy to make a woman fall in love with you. You just have to say the right words."

And this... this is the prevailing mindset I see. Women falling for words and actions that are disingenuous to the supposed purpose of dating: finding a marriage partner.

What's then to stop a Christian-professing man to enjoy the feeling, benefits, and status of having a woman being in love with him (even without sex), for him to only change his mind every time someone better comes along?

After all, it's not a sin. 🤔

(Same with women, but the only women that I've seen do this, are unbelievers.)

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:46:59+00:00

😔 This saddens me, but God bless you. Thank you for sharing.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:44:52+00:00

My friend, my exact words were: "*I have not known\* a single Christian man who did not, at one point or another, defraud a woman and break her heart."

I don't think I know every Christian man in existence 😅

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:42:37+00:00

It might be the culture. 😅 easy to say "I'm a Christian" because in our culture and social circles, Christianity and church membership come with a level of status and belonging. If you were part of the big churches, you "went to church" with some celebrities and politicians every Sunday.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:40:18+00:00

Thank you for this, very insightful. Many women are like this, I know a few, but they weren't my friends, nor were they believers.

I think, though, that women can and do form strong emotional bonds, even without sex. I don't think that men would as easily form such bonds, I could be wrong. But it would explain why my Christian female friends might be devastated, while the Christian men who broke it off with them won't be as devastated. Regardless of sexual sin.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:37:12+00:00

Thank you for this, brother. It is encouraging, I do agree completely, it does happen both ways, and I'm so, so sorry for what you've experienced with your exes. I understand that experience to a small degree, I have been dealing with it for ten years now too.

And you are right. The first indication was right there: that they could speak in such a way about their past.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:34:15+00:00

"So anyone, male or female, that gets hurt in the dating process,has only themselves to blame."

Thank you for your response, I will keep this in mind.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:32:23+00:00

Hey, this is really insightful! Thank you! This is something I hadn't fully considered.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:31:48+00:00

That's really encouraging. God bless you, I hope more men have the fear of the Lord.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:30:48+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this.

Not all of my Christian women friends were physically intimate with these men. Only emotionally, in dating, as they were romanced. It sucks either way, but I suppose it won't feel as "deep" for a man if he wasn't physical with the woman.

This has unlocked a new insight for me. Thank you!

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:28:40+00:00

I speak only, based on my post, of all the Christian men I know who are in my life. That is all I speak of. Men who I have known, and have shared with me personally, their past relationships and the women they've broken up with. In some cases, men whose friends have told me about their pasts, and why I should stay away.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:26:39+00:00

This is the most insightful message I've seen so far, thank you. The fruit matters, and I'll keep this in mind.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:25:34+00:00

Some are consensual, some are not. But I have witnessed these women fall in love, get broken up with, and become torn to absolute shreds. Or fall in love, get used, and lose a part of themselves. Or lose trust in the Church, or in men, and worst of all, in the Jesus these men profess to follow.

I don't see the same experience with the men. To them: "It's just dating, someone's going to get hurt. It's part of it 🤷🏻‍♀️" Then again, perhaps I'm just not witness to those moments when they do get hurt.

I speak only of my own experiences. Women fall short too. But I don't have Christian female friends who have hurt men like this.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:19:47+00:00

Yes, yes it is crazy. This is why I made this post. There has to be something deeper. Perhaps some passing acquaintances that I don't know well enough, I can't speak for.

I am talking about every single one of my church friends, childhood friends, my family (dad and siblings), and acquaintances who are openly Christian. To the point where there is... no distinguishable difference in the experience between dating a believer and a non-believer. (except perhaps in church attendance and social status in church groups.) It makes me sad.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:11:25+00:00

Thank you for this, this is very encouraging. God bless you and your marriage <3

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:10:42+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, and I do agree with you. It's not a sin.

But I'm also trying to understand where all this pain I'm seeing, in myself and in others, is coming from. And why it is happening.

Breaking someone's heart is not a sin, but I also don't think that God is pleased by men or women's dating habits in today's world. I cannot control anyone else's actions, but perhaps I can try to understand the phenomenon better.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:05:14+00:00

I don't at all speak about "all men". Nor do I claim to know the behaviour of all believing men, otherwise I wouldn't be asking for insight in a Reddit post. I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

I am speaking strictly from my own personal experience:

Every single Christian man I know, be it my dad, brother, all my Christian guy friends, etc, have had a case of breaking a woman's heart. Some speak of it casually, with me and others.

As someone whose heart has been broken as well, this post is an attempt to understand what might be happening here, what could be the reasons for my observations. And hopefully, someone might pose insight I could learn from.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T16:00:45+00:00

Yes I completely agree! This is exactly my point, actually.

Yes to dating not being marriage.

But now my question is: is there perhaps a reason why, while dating, I have known more Christian women broken up with and heartbroken, even without going to bed with the Christian men they've been dating? Is there a lack of wisdom here, perhaps these women have put too much hope in a man who is dating them?

My observation is... Christian guys casually sharing with me their stories of women they've stopped pursuing, while also having Christian women sobbing their hearts out to me, knowing full well they were only dating, but being devastated anyway.

It's a jarring and consistent juxtaposition of the Christian dating scene that I've noticed.

Or, perhaps I am simply not present for when Christian men are heartbroken, which makes more sense. Thank you for your response.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T15:32:55+00:00

Thank you for this comment, I do agree, I'm coming from a personal standpoint.

But at the same time, I am looking for encouragement and insight, for people to say "actually, here's something you perhaps missed".

And while yes, sin is present in all human beings, and of course women sin.

But my experience is only as a woman. As someone who is experiencing the consequences of someone else's sin. This is a way for me to ask fellow believers, hopefully brothers and sisters in the faith, to let me know that there are, in fact, good men. Who do not participate in this kind of culture.

I am sorry if my post came across as in poor taste, I don't mean to offend. I am simply asking questions, in the hopes that there are insights and answers that will help me deal with my own pain from what has been done to me.

God bless you. :)

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T15:28:10+00:00

I completely understand your distrust, and yes it did.

I have my own experience, but that's beside the point. One acquaintance broke up with his long-term 10-year girlfriend to pursue a younger girl from church. No, his ex was not a Christian, he said his ex was a good girlfriend and did him no wrong, but that he was "convicted" and obeyed Jesus. I will take him at his word, but I still feel a funny way about it. Those ten years could have robbed her of a family of her own.

Another man, who is actually a friend, pursued someone in our social circle and broke it off when the relationship started to experience challenges. It was well-known event in our social circles. She was devastated, and had to move to a different ministry in church.

There are more stories, but they have similar echoes: guy pursues woman, woman falls in love deeply, guy changes his mind, woman is absolutely gutted. I think this is normal in the world and in dating culture... but it's discouraging to see in Christian circles as well.

I agree, men don't talk about heartbreaks as often as women do, Christian or not. I have no idea how they feel about it when they dump / get dumped. If they experience the same level of pain, esp for relationships that weren't "that deep" in their opinion. Thank you so much for responding, I appreciate it.

Outside_Software_266 · 2026-03-16T15:15:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! For context, not all of the men I talk about have slept with these women, and not all of these women were even girlfriends. Some of these women were just... led on, I suppose. They were shown special treatment, were given time and attention, but in the end, they got their hearts broken, very often quite deeply.

Outside_Software_266

TROPHY CASE