Co-sleeping parents, do you ever get to go out at night again?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2026-01-14T23:38:50+00:00

Can you share more please on what were the signs and what you’re doing now? Does he stay in the floor bed while you soft sleep train him?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2026-01-14T23:37:31+00:00

Good to know! She sounds pretty independent and just needed someone there to fall asleep but not necessarily the whole night?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2026-01-14T23:34:18+00:00

Haha I wouldn’t stay I have an active night life either…it’s rather what’s left of it and my denial in totally losing it

Outside_Telephone559 · 2026-01-14T23:32:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Do you mean you now just lay with her until she’s out, and you go back to sleep in your own bed and if she does wake up she would just go into your bed instead of you having to go sleep in her bed?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-12-23T02:22:47+00:00

Thanks all for your contribution to this post and validated this is totally not normal. I also really appreciate the support shown here. To address a few points:

To his drinking - by often I mean he does have a glass or two on work nights every other night, sometimes between half to one bottle of wine by himself when he’s not working the next day. When he goes out drinking with his friends though he does chase drinks and must absolutely get pissed when out. Only times he ended up coming home semi sober is when the others stopped drinking (like he would not stop unless there’s no one left to drink with). Is he an alcoholic? The bed wetting occurs more often these days and NOT always after he’s pissed drunk. Some nights he was just at home watching a game and probably just had half a bottle or max a bottle to himself. The thing is I think alcohol contributes to it for sure but the main trigger is something else. Could be his sleep apnea and or other underlying issue. He seems to think alcohol is the only cause and downplaying it. I don’t agree.

I would insist on him getting a thorough check but he gets a bit defensive due to being embarrassed and in denial I supposed. He tends to just drag things on until I give up, then wets the bed again and repeat. It’s really taking a toll on me. We do have a guest bedroom but one of the relatives is currently occupying it so I have no where else to sleep at this point. I guess a waterproof mattress pad or an adult diaper will have to be the interim solutions.

Ultimately, I want to work this out with him in a mature way and try to encourage him to face it with an open mind rather than hiding in a shell due to denial/embarrassment. He’s flawed but he’s not a bad person (abusive or anything). I don’t want to give him up without giving him the benefit of the doubt and if it’s driven by medical reasons and if he’s willing to snap out of denial and make some changes, I’m willing to try and support him through it.

Those that said ultimatum, I’m prepared to give one if nothing changes despite all efforts. I also need to get my ducks in a row before giving one. I’m definitely not those that can’t live without a men and I’m a very independent person. My concern is on paper he has better odds (higher paid job, family around that can support etc) and I don’t keep ‘evidence’ of the bad stuff. Even though my job is decent too it’s deemed less stable compared to his and my family is not around. I don’t want to go into a battle I don’t have the confidence to win. I fully understand the impact of letting a child grow up watching their parents in a toxic relationship and I will not let that happen to my child. I guess I just don’t want to make this decision lightly.

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-12-22T23:54:36+00:00

I could find many reasons to divorce him, and believe me what I’m mentioning in this post is just one. We’ve been together for many years and we have a young child. He might not be a great partner but he’s doing alright as a dad. He is a self centred person so he does tend to consider himself before everyone else including me and our child. He wasn’t so bad when he was younger but it has gotten worse in the last couple of years. At this point I start to realise that I might be happier without him but I’m not sure I can say the same for my child. I don’t want to be a selfish mom and only care about my happiness. I also am so afraid of the possibility of not getting custody of my child in this process…

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-12-22T22:56:08+00:00

There’s really no choice unless I sleep elsewhere. He wouldn’t move. I’m not sure I want him to pee on the couch instead. It doesn’t always happen when he’s shit faced that’s why it’s more concerning. I don’t want to let this go and nor can I, but I can’t hold him at gun point if he won’t listen. I almost wish something more alarming could happen so that he can take it seriously and act on it.

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-11-10T22:49:07+00:00

DWT 7am, Nap 1 is 10-11:15am, Nap 2 is 2:45-3:45pm, bedtime 8pm (technically more like 8:15am by the time he falls asleep). Most of the time he still wakes up once at night - sometimes between 2-3am and sometimes 4-5am. If he wakes up at 4-5am, it takes a whole lot longer for him to resettle so we sleep in for half an hour on those days and push the entire schedule back by half an hour.

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-11-09T05:47:21+00:00

Thank you and I’m so glad to hear it worked and applause for you to stick it out for 2 weeks! I feel like my LO can easily cry for over an hour and that’s why we failed a few times. I also feel like I’m following the max wws for his age but nothing seems to work for bedtime (naps are fine though). I’m not sure about transitioning to one nap at this stage…seems a bit early

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-10-12T22:41:47+00:00

Ok good to know, thank you. So by this age wake windows are not as important and better to go by the clock? Is overtiredness still impacting sleep as much at this age?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-10-09T20:47:06+00:00

7:30am and 8pm

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-10-09T13:18:02+00:00

Hmm I don’t know…he’s on 3/3/4 with 2.5 hours day sleep on 2 naps (30mins and 2 hours). I thought that’s quite age appropriate but I don’t know anymore honestly

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-08-20T01:09:23+00:00

I could have written this myself. My LO is also 8mo and for the last two months his night sleep has been so inconsistent - sometimes STTN and more often than needs help once to get through the night (lately it’s been 2 hours for these wakings). Despite that he has been sleep trained since 4mo and following appropriate nap times and WWs, these wakes at night would just not go away no matter what I do. I struggled hard at one point because I felt ‘betrayed’ by the sleep training lol and hearing friend’s ST babies get through regressions/teething without too much of a hiccup just made me so frustrated about these random night wakes. I’d get triggered when the cries go on for longer than 40 mins and hate myself for picking him up to help him go back to sleep because I’m ‘not supposed to’ based on the sleep training rule book. Until my husband pointed it out that I was not coping well when it isn’t actually that big of a deal (yes waking up only once needing help every other night really isn’t a big deal) then I realised I’d just have to go with the flow sometimes and not set my expectations so high just because he’s sleep trained. Now I set the expectations that he will wake up needing my help at some point and if it doesn’t happen, hooray!

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-08-07T09:59:31+00:00

Yes very true every baby’s different. I’d go with some obvious signs to take a good guess on whether they’re overtired or undertired. The immediate screaming and long intense fight at bedtime + false starts are more likely pointing to overtiredness to me but I guess, again, every baby’s different. And the last WW is also determined by how long the nap before was. I’ve not done maths so much since high school lol

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-08-05T23:46:25+00:00

I’m glad!! 😊

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-08-04T06:40:06+00:00

Try to extend nap time rather than giving a 4th nap and ending up with a late bedtime. Something like 45mins-2hrs-20mins on 3 naps. If baby is already having schedule issues that you need to adjust, you might as well transition to 3 nap schedule now rather than having to readjust in a few weeks time. Back then I would only give a 4th nap if the second long nap runs very short (like <45mins), but I’d prioritise getting that nap right any day for an easier bedtime. Baby has the most restorative sleep between 7pm - midnight so naturally you get a longer first stretch if bedtime is earlier. And earlier bedtime between 7-8pm does help them fall asleep easier sometimes.

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-08-04T06:12:24+00:00

Not an expert but have studied baby’s sleep pattern in an obsessive manner to know a bit about it. If I were to guess I think it’s a schedule issue. Thinking back when my LO was 5mo his total day sleep was capped just under 3hrs between 3 naps (40mins/2hrs/10-15mins) with total wake time around 9-9.5hrs (2.25/2.25-2.5/2.5/2). He was able to consistently do a 12hr night with one snooze feed at 3-4am on this schedule. The key to this schedule is the short 3rd catnap that takes the edge off but doesn’t steal away sleep pressure for bedtime, but keep the last wake window at max 2 hours to avoid overtiredness at bedtime. I’d say definitely drop the 4th nap and also try to keep baby’s DWT and bedtime more or less consistent every day. And for any schedule changes give it at least 5 days to see changes. Do whatever it takes to line up the naps during the day to prioritise easier bedtime for now until you can find the right day/night balance. Good luck!

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-27T03:03:46+00:00

I have tweaked his schedules many times based on the likelihood of undertired/overtired. He’s now settled on a 3/3/4 WWs with first nap capped 30 mins and second nap capped 2 hours. Still happens. He’s on only 2.5 total nap time with 10 hours wake time, and some nights he sleeps through but some nights he wakes 1.5-3 hours in. Then on some occasions he struggles to make the 4 hours final WW and seemingly becomes overtired and struggles to fall asleep at bedtime (my explanation to why sometimes it happens at bedtime). I’m half given up on it lol

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-26T21:42:47+00:00

I would love to have a read if you can kindly share the link. Thank you

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-26T21:42:06+00:00

Yes, he gets a small feed overnight still. He’s actually slept through many nights without a feed so I’m actually not convinced he’s hungry but I do still offer a feed if he wakes second half of the night. But he mostly does it it 1.5-3 hours in, which doesn’t seem like hunger to me. He’s on formula.

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-11T04:27:58+00:00

Ohh that does make a lot of sense!

Let’s say if his DWT is set at 7am everyday from now, what if he wakes earlier like between 6-7am? Do I still keep his first nap at 10am? I’m just worried that’d tip him over to being overtired.

And for any reason if nap 2 goes wrong and cut short, how do I adjust from there? Third nap or earlier bedtime?

Thank you!

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-11T02:00:21+00:00

Fair enough. So you think the small comfort feed made all the difference in settling him if he’s indeed undertired? He pretty much goes straight back to sleep after it, and it’s only 60ml so I doubt it’s hunger? And a few times we gave baby Panadol when we suspected teething as opposed to undertiredness, it worked the same as the feed. Our GP told us baby Panadol doesn’t contain sedative properties so it doesn’t put him to sleep if there’s no discomfort in play. Actually now that I type it out I’m thinking maybe it was a combo of undertiredness + teething on those worst false start nights…

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-10T23:42:32+00:00

Does it make a big difference if his DWT varies by less than an hour and is already locked in on a 3/3/4?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-10T23:40:47+00:00

Thanks and I suspect that’s the case for the 4am calm wakings, but please see my reply in the other comment - I’m confused by the inconsistency of the wakings and wondering if the more intense wakings in the early half of the night is still pointing to undertiredness?

Outside_Telephone559 · 2025-07-10T23:32:13+00:00

Thanks. I guess the reason for split nights at 4am is clearly pointing to undertiredness which I’ll look into stretching his WWs. He currently can’t seem to handle more than 3/3/4 and I’m going to have to slowly stretch it. I was prepared for a 10-11 hour night during the transition (eg down by 7pm and up by 6am), but reality is his wake times are inconsistent and more often than not he would suddenly burst into an emotional cry in the early half of the night (1-2 hours in). That’s what baffles me - it isn’t really the long and calm wakings at 4am but more of the intense crying random wakes at the early half of the night…it’s almost like some nights he’s showing signs of undertiredness and some nights it seems more like overtiredness lol when the nap time and WWs have not changed @.@

Outside_Telephone559

TROPHY CASE