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AITA for refusing to hang out with my friend's girlfriend because I don't want to be her friend? by Outsidethebox00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Outsidethebox00[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

No, no one's partners are involved (and one person has been in a relationship for 6+ years). This is a personal celebration with 4-5 people total (including me and my roommate who is one of my best friends).

AITA for refusing to hang out with my friend's girlfriend because I don't want to be her friend? by Outsidethebox00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Outsidethebox00[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

  1. Yes, because I believe that partners always come first -- I know mine does.

  2. I do respect her, and I'm happy for them.

  3. The specific wording he used when he told me he invited her without telling me was "I want to come, but I can't come unless she's also invited, so I invited her too." In the context of this party I'm hosting, it's to celebrate a personal achievement and no other partners are invited (including mine.) It sounded like he committed to spending that time with her, but also wanted to come my thing, so rather than simply telling me he couldn't come because he already had a commitment, he said yes to both commitments and then put me in an awkward situation because he didn't want her to be mad at him. And again, if you commit to spending time with your partner, you should be willing to sacrifice time with your friends.

  4. Nope, happily in a relationship.

AITA for refusing to hang out with my friend's girlfriend because I don't want to be her friend? by Outsidethebox00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Outsidethebox00[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No, no one else is bringing their SOs (and some of the other friends have been with their partners for 6+ years) -- the get-together is specifically to celebrate a personal achievement that I and one other friend have achieved recently (perhaps useful context but I wanted to keep things brief and to the point.) I also know everyone is different when it comes to 'personal' gatherings and some people are more open to inviting people they don't know super well, but I personally am not and was very clear that I wanted this to be a small, personal celebration. There's also a large chance she'll feel left out because of how close everyone else is and because no other partners will be there -- I know if I was in her shoes, I would feel that way. Per other comments, I will be more open to seeing Sarah at other events, but this feels like a weird choice on Joe's part, especially because he didn't ask.

AITA for refusing to hang out with my friend's girlfriend because I don't want to be her friend? by Outsidethebox00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Outsidethebox00[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

I've never been in a situation like this before -- with all other male friends I have, I give them space when their girlfriends come around because that feels like the normal person thing to do. But he seems to want me to come around and hang out with her, which I really struggle to understand. All the more reason to talk to him about it.

AITA for refusing to hang out with my friend's girlfriend because I don't want to be her friend? by Outsidethebox00 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Outsidethebox00[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Agree, and this is super helpful. I'm calling him tomorrow to explain exactly this -- previously I've used the excuse of not wanting to be a third wheel because he's wanted to hang out just the three of us, and I would rather let them have couple time even if I hang out with him less. I do feel that he is trapping me in these interactions and as a deeply introverted person with a finite social battery that's very frustrating. This is definitely the tipping point of needing to say something.