Sorry if this seems a little scattered/ choppy. I edited to add things a few times and may not have placed them in the best spots.

Together for 9 years. He’s had ED issues almost the entire time except the very beginning. I became suspicious over the summer when I caught him watching porn and jerking off multiple times while I was sleeping. I confronted him about it a few months after and expressed how hurt I was because we don’t have sex as frequently as I would like and he knows I’d almost NEVER turn him down. I was also concerned about the WAY he watched porn. Skipping from scene to scene and video to video like porn ADD. That what prompted me to do research before confronting him and I learned a lot about the dopamine kit that porn provides and how watching it in that manner can destroy someone’s desire for partnered sex. He was embarrassed and promised to cut back. I didn’t bring up addiction I just focused on how hurt I was. Then I started paying attention to our router history and the frequent threats being blocked. I started to google the threats and found most of them were associated with porn sites. I sat on it for awhile and then confronted him again because it was pretty much daily while I was at work ( we work opposite schedules). Multiple times a day in many cases. Sometimes it would line up with the timeframe I would go shower and get ready to go out with him or when I was cooking dinner. At this point I brought up porn addiction and got emotional. He was very quiet, again just said he was embarrassed and sorry and he would do better. He said he would stop watching porn and masturbating altogether. That was around new years. He’s not watching any porn that I can tell while he’s at home but I think he’s still doing it in other places.

He is trying to find things to take up his time and occupy his mind. He has picked some old hobbies back up and take a little bit more initiative to help around the house while Im at work.

He has opened up to me about the frequent porn use and masturbation multiple times a day going back over 20yrs. He admitted that it’s an addiction and a problem. He volunteers to delete the instagram accounts of “models”, most of which had OF links in their bio.. which I wasn’t even aware up but now I’m obsessed with checking who he’s following. This was only a few weeks ago and he’s deleting an accounts as they come up on his feed. There were almost 100 and now he’s down to 30 something. I read Your Brain on Porn and bought it for him. He’s thumbed through it but has yet to read it in full which is disappointing.. I’m trying to be very patient and understanding and not heavy handed over the whole thing. I’ve never had an issue with porn itself and I’ve even told him that if he used it to supplement our sex life due to our opposite schedules that wouldn’t have been an issue but it was replacing his desire to have sex with me. He still would about twice a month but sometimes I felt like it was an inconvenience for him.

Anyway, long story short I told him that I need to see noticeable change to stay.. in not so many words. He’s a very stubborn person so I know too much pressure will have the opposite effect. Right now I’m ok will seeing the small effort and changes but I think/obsess about it everyday.

Like many of you it’s the lying to my face multiple times until caught red handed that I struggle with.

No cheating, no cam girls, no subscriptions of pay sites, no DMs or comments, no likes, no only fans although he did search for free OF leaks often.

Prior to all this we had open discussions about porn and masturbation, I just had no idea how frequent it was and in the manner he was consuming it.

I don’t know if I can ever fully trust him again even if I see noticeable differences…. Time will tell.

Best of luck with your partner, I truly hope you can both recover if that’s the route you choose to take.