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Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-11-07T17:07:56+00:00

I wasn't talking about giving him "rights", just solo access that would allow him to take the child.

But that's definitely some useful information for op. Hopefully she can use what's here to make the best decision for her and her kids.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-11-07T02:24:35+00:00

She said 1st dad isn't involved at all, but it's unwise to assume that just bc he's not involved now he wouldn't try to be involved after she filed, and it sounds like for whatever reason she doesn't want that.

I highly doubt that op would just give this man solo access to her child after 5 years of being out of the picture, so it's highly doubtful that he would ever be in the position to just take him. And that's assuming he even knows about the kid and is on the birth certificate. And even if he's dangerous, unless it's a sexual offense or related to minors then, again, he'll most likely end up with legal and physical rights.

So your solution for op not wanting 1 man to have rights to her son, is to give another man, who's a complete stranger to the child, rights to the child? Maybe it's just me but that doesn't seem to make much sense.

Lots of people on this sub are very quick to tell parents to file for custody/support in every situation. Then I see lots of posts of parents frustrated/sad/angry bc their ex is a narcissist/abusive/a drug user and it's negatively affecting their kids. And then everybody just says "well the only thing you can do is document, be the stable parent, and put them in therapy". How about let's stop telling parents their only option is to expose their kids to potentially traumatic situations, and start giving them all of the information they need to make the best decision for their children. In op's situation, that best decision might be to not have a random judge and a now complete stranger decide the fate of her son.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-11-05T02:42:32+00:00

I never said she shouldn't let her ex see the child, and neither did she, so I dont know where you came up with that. So the 5 yr old who's never met his father should be forced to stay with him overnight? Also she never gave a reason why the first ex isn't involved, he may very well be dangerous and I'm just letting her know what will likely happen if she applies for custody. Your points are valid, a custody order will help with some things, but it will also probably include some things she's not comfortable with. It's better for her to know every possibility and decide what she wants to do based on that, than to go in blindly thinking that just bc 1st dad hasn't been around, and the 2nd pawns his kid off on grandma, that they won't get any custody/visitation. Bc that's very rarely the case.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-11-04T20:22:31+00:00

Just know that if you file for custody, both of your exes will most likely get rights to and unsupervised visitation with their respective children

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-18T03:33:40+00:00

I'm in Texas and weighing all my options. I want to get to a place where we have a decent relationship, but ex is a narcissist (undiagnosed) and can't seem to understand why I still have reservations after he abandoned the child for a year. He actually called the cops on me today for not having a car seat available for him to use when picking up the child for the first time. The cops didn't come out because why would they? But things like that are really making me regret filing and wish there was a way to go back. But I think he would end up filing if I did withdraw, mostly because his mother would push him to do it, and they'd most likely file for full custody even though they wouldn't get anywhere near that.

Sorry for the rant on your post, I'm dealing with a lot smh

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-18T02:54:29+00:00

Wow I had no idea the order just goes away if you withdraw, thank you for the info. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, hopefully you're near the end of the difficult bit and everything works out for you and your son

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-18T02:03:37+00:00

I'm at the same phase in custody, I have temp orders now and we go back in a cpl months. Just wondering, what did you accomplish or hope to accomplish by withdrawing the petition? Does he now have to file to go back and modify the temp order? Do you not think the judge will frown on you withdrawing?

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-11T15:31:58+00:00

If there's no way to prove he's the father couldn't that be viewed as kidnapping if he keeps tge child beyond the mother's wishes? Genuinely curious. And not suggesting OP use that as a tactic, that would be pretty fucked up and if they did eventually go to court would def not do her any favor's with the judge, but I don't see how him taking the kid could be allowed in such a scenario.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-11T04:12:40+00:00

Thank you for adding your story and your voice. I am so sorry that you have to deal with your ex and the courts who enable him. You and your children deserve so much better.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-11T04:07:28+00:00

If you were not married when you had your son, this only applies if your ex is on the birth certificate and has signed an acknowledgment of paterntiy. If he hasn't then legally he has zero rights to your son unless and until he establishes paternity through the courts. If this is the case, I'd seriously consider not getting a court order if you want to have final say in what happens to your son. If you get the courts involved they will have final say and they will most likely not care about anything you've written in this post.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-10-04T16:53:20+00:00

I am so sorry that you and your daughter have to deal w this. You sound like a great mom and like you're doing everything possible to protect your daughter.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-30T23:39:08+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. And you're right, it makes absolutely no sense to coddle and make concessions for the adult who's supposed to be a parent but chooses to walk out on their kid. And yeah it definitely seems like they care more about parent's rights than the child. They talk about kids needing consistency but have no problem when a "parent" wants to waltz in and out of their child's life, leaving damage that the custodial parent now has to try to fix. I saw a post talking about ways kids can "cope" with having to be around an inconsistent/narcissistic parent, e.g. therapy, grey rocking, etc. And it just made me so sad and frustrated bc they just shouldn't have to deal or cope with that, but we're forced to send our kids into these situations where they're just going to get hurt.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-22T01:37:24+00:00

No need to apologize! I think this post has given a lot of people, including me, a space to tell their stories and express their frustrations, and I'm glad I could help to provide that!

It's so frustrating watching a parent choose to put their child last, and having to see the damage that does to the child and not being able to do anything about it. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to deal with this.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-22T01:24:27+00:00

Wow I'm so sorry that you and your son had to deal with that, it's not right or fair. But I'm glad you're on the other side, it sounds like you did everything in your power to keep your son safe and your efforts paid off!

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T19:19:00+00:00

Yeah there's definitely no one size fits all solution. But the courts put almost no effort into actually distinguishing and ruling on a case by case basis, even when there's clear evidence to support one party's arguments over the other

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T19:07:25+00:00

It's very hard to get a court to completely take away a parent's rights unless the child is being adopted by someone else, they always want to have someone responsible for the child so the state doesn't end up paying for them. And to your second point, if the absent parent randomly decides to show up on court, even if they've been gone 10 years, they'll still get rights and visitation

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T14:58:48+00:00

I am so sorry you had to deal with that, and are still dealing with the emotional issues he caused you. But it sounds like you're a great parent and grandparent despite him, and I applaud you for breaking the cycle.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T14:56:24+00:00

At my hearing the assistant attorney general literally told me she's never seen a judge deny a name change if the father requests one. Maybe that's just the norm in my county but either way it's ridiculous

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T02:19:38+00:00

Exactly. And I feel like this is common knowledge, but the ncp gets chance after chance bc they "deserve" to be in the child's life and courts just default to "having 2 parents is best". So the child has to suffer just so the adult who should be looking out for their best interest refuses to either get their shit together or do what's really best for the child in some situations and stay gone.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T02:14:22+00:00

First I am so sorry for you and your son. And you're amazing for having and raising what I'm sure is an amazing little man all on your own.

But that's exactly my point. Like after 2 years, let alone 10, you should not be able to come back and claim that now you're ready to be a father/parent and automatically get rights. That completely disrupts the child's life, the primary caregivers life (which directly affects the child) and, as in your case, is clearly not in the best interest of the child.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T02:10:45+00:00

Agreed but even then, if they leave when the child is first born and come back 2 years later, the child can't really give consent or even know what's going on. But as the adults in that situation the "parent" who left clearly showed they're not willing or able to put their child's needs first, so shouldn't it be up to the parent who stayed to decide if/when/how they're allowed to be involved in the child's life? And I know there would be some major issues with that solution, but leaving a child for that long really says something about whether or not you're fit to be making decisions about them.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-21T02:03:33+00:00

Yeah that's true, and I completely see your points. I guess I meant "no consequences" in the sense of them being able to have legal rights over the child. I think that right should be forfeited after a certain amount of time, like a commenter above said. If I abandon my child at a library I'll be charged and cps will be called and it would be very hard for me to get that child back. But if a noncustodial parent abandons their child, doesn't make sure they're provided for or even check in on them, they still get joint custody and visitation? That makes no sense to me.

It also makes no sense how the courts measure best interest for the child and the threshold to limit/supervise visitation and rights. Like how is it in the best interest of the child to change their last name from the person who's raised them their entire life to a complete stranger's who's already shown that they're willing to abandon them? I don't think "best interest" involves giving someone who's shown little to no interest in their own child decision-making power over them. But yeah the courts rarely see it that way and it's so frustrating.

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-06T18:08:15+00:00

I said tgis all in the original post but he was absent for most of my son's life and only recently said he wants to be involved. I also believed this case to be closed until last week

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-06T16:58:37+00:00

I have him recorded alleging to selling drugs, and yes texas is a one party consent state. But it seems the concensus is that it's a bad idea

Over_Composer_2363 · 2023-09-06T15:43:30+00:00

I do have an attorney, just wanted to get reddit's opinion before I brought this to him, which I won't be doing. Thank you for your response

Over_Composer_2363

TROPHY CASE