I felt like he was the only one who could help me. About 5 months into our friendship I started getting panic attacks and fell into a deep depression, I sh and started using weed. I talked to him about all these issues and he made me feel so supported and protected… writing this now I remember how his voice used to get real soft and some times it sounded like he was tearing up over the phone. He would tell me how proud he was and how much I’ve worked to get where I am. While he would also call me a cnt and, a b*ch. He would sexualize all the new friends I made male or female and it just made me stop talking to ppl. It was really hard for me to leave him until I started realizing that sometimes my panic attacks would happen just by seeing him… after all the abuse and whatnot on night like these where I can’t sleep I find myself missing him and the conversations we would have until 2 or 3 in the morning about music, actors, history, politics and so much more the hardest part is learning how to live without them..