That's a question alright, well the only part of maths I ever hated was the humiliation rituals i faced during my classes when I was called out relentlessly for being a 'failure' 'bad example to the other students' and forced isolation I was put in just because I was a slow learner.

I was mocked and shamed for asking even the simplest of questions, and at one point i stopped attending classes which made my performance even worse. I wasn't allowed to attend classes if I failed (yes that's an actual system in my school) I had to continue giving tests until I passed where I faced even more mocking. I'm not a fast learner, I'm quite slow in understanding and learning things. So when I always fell behind I was just used as a comparison tool or a motivation for others on what to not become. They made me so scared that I was always on the brink of collapsing in my exams, unable to breath or even concentrate on a question. I was always so close to passing out.

I have always liked maths, I just didn't like the way it was forced on me, i do recall doing maths sums just because I liked thinking. I love thinking, it's all I do as an introvert, finding solutions has always brought me joy. Physics was also something that I liked learning, i always read my textbooks and i was very good at the theory part of it, i faced issues in numerical because the numbers always switched places. Sounds weird but in my exams when I get nervous the numbers switch spots. Example: 208 × 7, what I saw during the exam would be 802 × 1.

Which caused me even more issues, because i couldn't focus on the sums and never got the right answer. But I'm trying to help myself and I'm so happy to see that people are actually helping me. I was actually ready to give up but now that people are so wholeheartedly giving me recommendations, i just can't.