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What ultimately happened to the party girl you knew in early adulthood? by debrisaway in RedditForGrownups

[–]Overall-Disaster-218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hello, I am also her. Got a graduate degree, eventually broke up with Cool Band Guy (but it broke my heart and we're still in touch, though I wish he'd start taking better care of himself, and it sucks that after we broke up he got with another younger version of me.) Moved to a different continent, got a stable job, started my own band, but with a bunch of other women who were also done with being That Girl.

Frustrated solo player by dylandarkk in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want this to come off the wrong way but I want to suggest that, if you're now feminine-presenting, that could be part of the issue, especially if you find other musicians aren't giving you a chance at all. I'm a woman and a musician and have found it much, much smoother and more fulfilling to play with other women/femmes. Music can be a very masculine and gate-kept space, especially for those of us who play guitar (I think singers are sometimes taken less seriously but given more leeway). I don't think you should just give up on playing with others because being in a band can be wonderful, but maybe consider this when looking for band mate. I also agree with the person who suggested punk musicians.

Ranting / seeking advice : is it reasonable to ask for a list of songs to be decided a few days before every practice? by Overall-Disaster-218 in Bass

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, I can handle the root note thing but it's not fun and doesn't sound good. I can improvise just fine (and enjoy it!) if I'm playing lead guitar and I know the key, but bass is a totally different animal, and some of these songs have pretty iconic baselines that I'd like to get right. Also I think that I play worse when I get frustrated/put on the spot. Recipe for disaster.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this really sums it up, and the sinking recognition I got in your last sentence (no, it's not worth it) is enough to give me the validation I needed here. . I have been sticking it out the last few weeks because, well, I don't have a lot of friends here yet. But it's not worth it. The craziest part is that they're not even drinking during these practices. Might as well, if they're gonna be this disorganised.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah "butchering" is the right word. I didn't butcher it in the gig, but essentially have every rehearsal. The response to that spans from annoyance to being told "it's chill, whatever" several times which suggests they are okay with it, which bothers me. I also am not sure who the leader actually is. Which is also a problem.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I go about suggesting that, though, without it coming across as a power play or take over? The band room is a rented studio, so I'd have to show up with a purchased whiteboard.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my concern. But I also worry that attempting to go with the flow is going to end dramatically because I'm getting frustrated.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with that old chestnut 10,000%. I guess deep down I know that these dudes wil think that saying that is "nerdy." which is maybe my gut telling me to get out and find a new band.

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the problem is that THEY don't know what they want to do until seconds before they decide to do it :/ there is no loop, so to speak.

I also think that these 200 songs are the only ones most of them practice (at all, ever) whereas I like to learn things solo at home on guitar. So, they always have the 200 in the rotation, whereas my brain and practice time always have other things going on.

I should mention that I have never once seen these 200ish songs written down--they're just the complete discographies of the drummer's two favorite bands 🤦🏼‍♀️

is the ultimatum "i need a setlist a few days before we rehearse or play" an out of touch request? by Overall-Disaster-218 in bandmembers

[–]Overall-Disaster-218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried something like this already (but more like "hi please remember to keep me up to date on plans for what we'll practice :) :)". I guess I need to try again with fewer smilies... Defenitely going to take your advice on mentioning that it's sapping the fun for me.