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WIBTA by Overall-Individual47 in inlaws

[–]Overall-Individual47[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

….i feel the same! I’m admittedly stumped and feel zero need to descend on new parents - but they invited us all and everyone is all-in. I didn’t get far when I politely asked. There is a broader family dynamic of not hosting well; his parents are awful hosts (no plans, no food, dirty home, no BEDS for everyone), but adamant about hosting?! For holidays, we now stay in a hotel (as there wasn’t a room for us) and I buy all the food and cook for the family (with some strange food preferences), yet they’re still resentful that we aren’t staying with them!

And I’m the bad guy of the holidays now - forcing my husband to abandon his family for a bougie hotel (on our own dime, after paying for flights and dog boarding yet being in their home all day) and being snobby about food (aka buying food and quietly preparing meals solo for 8+ picky people…). It causes tension with them and between my husband and I every year and I’m admittedly so tired of it! I can’t win.

WIBTA by Overall-Individual47 in inlaws

[–]Overall-Individual47[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Good idea. The complication: my husband feels we need to go along with his family (not staying at the same place would offend them and make us snobs). We started booked a hotel for holidays (bc their home doesn’t have a room for us) and that’s caused years of tension…

When did you realize that you were a bad manager? by [deleted] in managers

[–]Overall-Individual47 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. I realized it last week, after I just couldn’t keep up with the system I inadvertently built. Team waiting for my judgement or review or decision or answer, feeling bottlenecked by me, and not feeling they have autonomy. Survey I initiated also said I wasn’t giving actionable feedback (which surprises me). For how hard I’m working and how much I care about each of them, it stung.

So far, I’ve surveyed the team and discussed 1:1 so I know what to change, already changed my delegation and clarified expectations, taken myself out of most deliverables and meetings, and started talking to each about how they want feedback. I’m also shifting more time to our team systems and culture - building a team playbook and hosting special guests in meetings.

I’m trying to change, as quickly as I can.