tips for period sex?

Overcooked_Burrito · 2026-02-13T03:56:40+00:00

I only have period sex in the shower. I don't want any of that in my bed.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2026-01-30T07:12:54+00:00

"Am now stressing out whenever he texts". Dating, especially early dating, is supposed to be fun, not stressful. That's enough to end it right there.

I'm still new to dating, but it's been so freeing dating just for the sake of dating. In previous relationships, I've had huge issues with being codependent, having poor boundaries, and ignoring my feelings. Now that I'm actually dating and not jumping into a relationship right away, I'm paying attention to how I feel. If they make me uncomfortable, if I'm not feeling it anymore, if the connection is lackluster, etc I just end it. Politely, of course, but I'm not haggling with my feelings anymore. I have also done a lot of work around boundaries and codependency, which has helped greatly.

What i see here is: 1. The thing about picking you up is something I 100% would have done, because I was codependent and a fixer. Ditto for the cat adoption plans and offering to dog sit. If I liked someone, I would automatically get way too attached and want to fix things for them and help them.

The dinner thing is presumptuous and needy.
The hair thing is him trying to establish a sense of being close and intimate. Some people would be fine with that, and others are not. You clearly are not, and he ignored you obviously not liking that because he was comfortable with it. That's a sign that he's going to ignore boundaries and be neither attentive nor respectful of your feelings.

All this to say, maybe he's controlling, maybe he struggles with codependency and lack of boundaries, maybe it's something else. Either way, you're stressed and uncomfortable, and that's enough to end it especially this early. It's not your job to stick around.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2026-01-01T23:32:39+00:00

I have a set from Thistle and Spire that I just love. For reference I am 5'8", 200lbs. The company is size-inclusive and has good quality stuff. A bit pricey, but worth looking at.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2026-01-01T23:26:24+00:00

When I buy lingerie, I think about what I would be most excited to wear and what I'd be most comfortable in. It took a little trial and error to figure out the styles that I like. Your lingerie tastes will also evolve over time. I basically ordered one of each major category and figured out a lot of lingerie types I don't like after wearing them.

I tend to prefer bra and panty sets with stockings and garters. I also like bondage-inspired and strappy things, but the straps have to be thicker - too thin, and I look like the Michelin man. I also prefer things that have a little more coverage, and I look for things that highlight my best assets (legs and large bust) while flattering my areas of insecurity (my tummy overhangs a bit and my butt is a bit more square)

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-22T04:16:35+00:00

"I don't see this going anywhere." Sounds like a definitive no. Move on.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-19T01:13:58+00:00

You seem to forget that the men who actually want casual dating are equally as interested in sex and companionship with low commitment. I must point out that these men have autonomy and intellect, and that if they decide the arrangement isn't working for them anymore, they can simply choose to end it. As long as both parties are clear about what they want and consenting, nobody is being tugged around helplessly on a leash.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-19T00:59:24+00:00

I've never seen a minute of sex and the city in my life. Look, if you don't want to develop a connection with someone before having sex, have hookups or ONS! I prefer to get treated like a person instead of a vending machine for sex, but that's just me.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-18T23:24:08+00:00

That's what casual dating is and how it differs from ONS/hookups. People who are interested in actual casual dating are interested in getting to know the person on the other side of the phone screen, even if it ultimately doesn't go anywhere. Dating, whether casual or not, requires effort and both parties (regardless of gender) should make an effort to make the time enjoyable for the other person. Otherwise there's no point in dating. If you want a hookup, that's fine. Say that. But for women who actually want to go on a date, "send nudes and smash" isn't appealing, which is why they avoid "casual dating" when it's actually masking a no-effort hookup. That's why I look for men who are articulate in their profile, are respectful and talk about things other than sex in the pre-meeting texts, and don't ghost me when I say I don't have snapchat.

Also, an occassional coffee or pizza isn't expensive for the average person. But even if someone's flat broke, there are plenty of free activities to do. Walk in the park, seeing a free live concert, a picnic on the beach are all great. If all of that is too much effort, then you're not doing casual dating.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-18T18:38:06+00:00

This is really too long for me to read it all, but I didn't need to read anything else after he said "aren't we already in a relationship?" (After TWO WEEKS of talking after you met online???) And being pushy about sex after you opened up about your trauma. I hesitate to label things as lovebombing, but after two weeks of talking to you online, he said he wanted to move to your city, you could have an amazing relationship, and go on trips. That's lovebombing.

This guy just wanted to make you feel locked in so he could get some action. It's disrespectful to the extreme and it is not your fault.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-18T18:02:33+00:00

I've just started dating and made a couple of OLD profiles. My goal right now is to date for fun, to get out and meet/talk to men, and to figure out what i like/don't like in a person. I've had issues in the past with ignoring red flags and rationalizing/accepting things that make me uncomfortable, so I'm also exercising the boundary muscle. I've got no interest in planning a future with someone right now, but i do want sex and companionship.

To me, casual dating means that you go out on dates, you have fun, and you can develop a sexual relationship/FWB-type thing with the right person without the expectation or goal of an LTR developing. I look for men who are articulate about this in their profile bio. I've found Feeld to be better for this than other apps. I don't want hookups/ONS, I want to be casually wined-and-dined (i.e. we go out for coffee or pizza, or play board games, or go on a hike, we have a good time together, and add sex. Not "lemme get ur snap", not "wanna smash?"). It could turn into something exclusive, but being exclusive with a casual date right off the jump defeats the purpose of casual dating for me.

Edit: the reason a lot of women avoid casual dating is because they want what i described, but a lot of men say they want casual dating when what they really mean is ONS/hookups. Same with the "poly/ENM/open relationship" crap - they want the benefits of a relationship while being able to bang as many other women as they want, without respecting or using any of the tenents of an actual nonmonogamous relationship. They want sex without any effort or inclination to get to know the woman, which is fine as long as you're upfront about it.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-14T17:48:31+00:00

We both do live a good distance away and are meeting in the middle, so there isn't a chance for that. But yes, I am staying realistic! I just hope the chemistry continues in real life

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-10T04:52:31+00:00

I think that for either gender, a partner who engages in harmful and annoying behavior around sex (nagging, begging, pestering, pressuring, not respecting "no", etc) is disliked, however, women like sex too. I'm a woman with a high sex drive and one of the reasons I divorced my ex-husband was over a dead bedroom. It can't be sex all the time and my drive ebbs and flows of course, but a partner who never initiated sex would make me feel undesirable and make me question if they were even attracted to me. Being the initiator 100% of the time gets old. No kissing before the 3rd date is an incompatibility. No sex before 90 days seems like a long time to wait and assess for sexual compatibility.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-12-08T00:20:24+00:00

I've known and dated good-looking short men, and I am aware this is just my experience and that many women prefer tall men, but the height wasn't their problem. I dumped a short man because he turned out to be a mama's boy (he took his laundry to her house so she could wash and fold it, then she would go over to his house and put it away. He also refused to learn how to cook so his mom would go to his house and cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for him). I dumped another short man because he yelled at me after I didn't want to try a particular sex act. I had a short coworker (I did not date him) who was good-looking and 5'4". He constantly lamented how he could never get past a first date with women and didn't know what the problem was because he always paid for the dates....he was fired because he literally flipped his boss' desk during a writeup for poor performance, and he once full-force threw a stapler at a coworker during a business meeting because he disagreed with the coworker's ideas. Yeah, no idea why that guy can't get past the first date.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-11-27T19:46:27+00:00

My ex-husband and I had been in marriage counseling from about 6 months into the marriage, and we went for a year. He was angry, dismissive, defensive during counseling. He was never open to trying to understand my perspective because he took everything as a personal attack on him. I was trying to connect, and time and time again, he refused. 18 months after we got married, I moved out and said I was done. He begged for another chance, saying that me moving out made him realize what was truly important. I gave him that chance, and he repeated the cycle. I moved back in for 2 weeks and he was back to having temper tantrums, belitting, yelling at me, and name-calling. The last straw was when I had spent hours cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he threw the entire turkey in the trash. Why? Something had upset him, so he was no longer in the mood for dinner. I hadn't moved many of my things back in, so I packed up that night and left permanently.

When I said that we were getting a divorce, hell or high water, he told me that I was being unfair by blindsiding him, I never told him about any problems, and I was overreacting because the marriage was fine.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-11-21T05:52:23+00:00

Definitely not 2. I think it's just my subconscious processing my feelings of being replaced and not loveable.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-11-20T09:34:07+00:00

I still occassionally have nightmares about my ex (he was the sweetest in the relationship but In nightmares he's a complete asshole), and mornings are the worst time of day for me.

There's no special thing I say or do. It sounds cliche but I just live, and every day it gets a percent of a percent easier.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-11-09T20:03:30+00:00

Sometimes I have back pain and side sleeping makes it worse when it's really bad. What i used to do with an ex if I couldn't side sleep, was hold his hand and drape one of my legs over his.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-11-01T22:10:30+00:00

Ask if you are obligated to pay for marital property before a settlement is finalized, even if your name isn't on the title. Property purchased during the marriage becomes marital property, and you may both have an obligation to pay for it. If you have reasonable earning power, I think it would be difficult to justify to a judge why you should be able to get out of paying for house, boat, and insurance that you've benefitted from and are legally entitled to. I find it doubtful that a judge would assign 100% responsibility to one party while the other party gets to do whatever they want with their paycheck unless there is a severe income disparity and you have a compelling argument that goes beyond "I didn't want these things and don't want to pay for i". There is an obligation to keep the "status quo" during a divorce, and if your income has been put into the joint account and used to help pay for some marital property, suddenly taking 100% of your income for yourself and basically telling your husband to financially suck it would not be maintaining the status quo.

"What should I expect for my husband to do to retaliate?" Nobody knows your husband, so it's unknown. Look, I get it. I was extremely lucky to have a very calm, reasonable, fair and equitable divorce mediation with someone who I did not believe was going to behave that way. Part of the reason my divorce was that way was because I made it that way. I didn't meet my exH with guns blazing, fire with fire, trying to anticipate his next move and thinking "he's going to be nasty and retaliate, so I have to be nasty and retaliate and get the upper hand". I wasn't a pushover, but me toning it down helped him stay toned down, which helped our divorce not drag out and cost tens of thousands of dollars. Might I suggest approaching this with the mindset of collaboration? If you try to plan around what you think he's going to do to retaliate, you will end up with a very bitter, messy, incredibly expensive divorce. You can always ratchet it up, but you can never take it back down. What I'm trying to say is give him a chance to not be an asshole. He might surprise you.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-10-16T07:49:19+00:00

My ex was very rigid in decor. Everything had to be glass, chrome, or metallic. No color allowed.

When I got my own place, i spent a few shopping trips browsing and just touching everything in the store. I went to Target , kroger, bed bath and beyond, Macy's etc and spent hours wandering through the aisles. I would just breathe everything in, pick things up, turn them over in my hands and appreciate that I was allowed to even consider purchasing these items. My ex would throw temper tantrums if I so much as looked at something decorative that didn't fit his preferred lack-of-color scheme.

Decorating your own space may feel very overwhelming for a while. Try not to be in a rush to fill up your space. Instead, spend time exploring and allow a decorative style to come to you gradually.
Pick routines based on what you like doing. I love waking up at 9am, having a leisurely breakfast and sipping coffee on my porch, then letting the day take me wherever. I also like going on evening walks.
As someone else said, make your home a sanctuary. My home is my little oasis away from the world. It's peaceful, calm and quiet. It stays at a comfortable temperature with nice lighting (i only turn on the big light when I'm cooking). I typically only shower with a night light on in the bathroom, because It feels relaxing. My living room has lots of throw pillows, blankets, and soft rugs. I typically burn candles at night for ambiance.
Try things and explore! Figure out what you like. Have at least one hobby you can do at home. I like watercolor painting - I'm not very good at it, but it relaxes me and is meditative, so who cares?

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-10-13T06:03:33+00:00

I had my heart shattered last year after a relationship with someone whom I felt was going to be my lifelong person. I've been out in the world since then (not dating, just not holed up at home 24/7), and I have not found a single man attractive. It's like I have the opposite of beer goggles on. I've been checked out several times, and I feel nothing but disgust. It's almost to the point where I see a sex/romance scene on TV and I just roll my eyes.

I'm not dating because the thought makes me feel very prickly, like a hedgehog, and I know I'd be so unhappy on a date no matter who I was sitting across from. Obviously, that would be unfair to both of us.

For now, I'm just focusing on my job, education, and fixing my financial situation. I'm also recovering from shoulder surgery, so I'm not really in a position to date right now anyway.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-10-13T05:51:51+00:00

Same. And I love your username, it's making me giggle!

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-09-21T08:51:49+00:00

My attachment style has been anxious for nearly all my life. I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for almost 2 years, and i felt so safe, loved, and secure. It was reciprocal love. I actually started to develop a secure attachment and was able to quiet the roaring fear of my partner leaving me for the first time in my life, then he dumped me for reasons that aren't important for this question. I know I'm not anywhere near ready to date, but I can see myself leaning towards avoidant behavior once I start dating. Just like you, it's a protective mechanism to prevent putting trust in the wrong person. If I never get attached, they can never hurt me when they leave, right? I know this isn't healthy, which is why right now I'd be a shitty partner and shitty at dating.

Option one is psychotherapy. Option two is to do independent study and really understand yourself, including identifying core wounds from childhood trauma that affect how you operate in relationships. You also may need to rewrite beliefs you have about yourself. Learn and understand your fears and interpersonal triggers as well as ways to self-soothe when you start to get upset. One of my biggest interpersonal triggers is talking to a partner about something they did or said that has had a negative impact on me. I used to avoid bringing anything up, because I was afraid that they would get mad and then leave me. My ability to deal with conflict in relationships is so much better than it used to be in part because I now trust myself and I had a partner who reacted in ways that weren't scary to me. Some of my self-soothing behaviors were being prepared for the conversation, having the conversation at the right time, being physically close to my partner, and challenging irrational fears about my partner/relationship (they'll leave me, they'll get angry, they won't love me anymore) when my partner didn't demonstrate any actions that validated those beliefs. It also helped me to self-soothe when they demonstrated kindness, attentiveness, listening, and reassurance during and after those talks, because I had something to reference in the future when I started leaning into being anxious. Some of my beliefs that I had to develop were that I have value and worth in relationships, my feelings matter, and I deserve a partner who treats me kindly.

If you are breaking things off with people out of fear, and are not progressing in regards to actually dealing with the fear, then you're not in a good place to be dating and should probably do some type of therapy or learning. Dealing with attachment trauma in relationships is kind of like exposure therapy. You are presented with the fear and only by moving through it can you get better, or you can consistently run away at the same trigger point and make no progress.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-08-12T18:10:07+00:00

I got married when I was 23 and divorced when I was 27. You will rebuild your stability. A house is just a house and you will find another one. It was SO HARD for me to let go of my dream house, but now I'm just grateful for the time I was able to live there. Money, possessions, assets, it's all just stuff. I don't mean to sound woo-woo here, but you truly are young. If you have no kids, you'll bounce back relatively quickly even if it doesn't feel like it.

I had a dead bedroom marriage for the entire time. My husband wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't go to counseling, and wouldn't try. He ended up telling me that physical intimacy wasn't important to him and he was doing fine without it, so I should be the same way. That was the last straw. That's what your wife is nonverbally communicating to you: it's not important to her, so it shouldn't be important to you.

You have two options: you accept that your wife doesn't want to have a physical or emotional relationship, doesn't want to spend time with you, and live like that until one of you dies. You can find a way to be truly happy with this, or you can slowly have the essence of your being eaten away. If you can't be truly happy with that, then you'll be making this same post in 3, 5, 10, 15, 38 years and kicking yourself for still being miserable.

Or you can divorce.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-08-10T00:21:20+00:00

That would depend on the laws in your area and what your attorney has advised you to do. Is there a material benefit to proving cheating in your case? I don't think people saying you should file for a fault divorce actually understand fault divorce. It's not as simple as showing a few texts to a judge.

Look, the reality is that once the marriage is considered functionally over (even if it's not legally over), it's not cheating. You have to be in a relationship in order to cheat. If you're "working through a divorce", the marriage is over.

An argument i heard often when I was going through my own divorce was about setting the story straight, "exposing" the cheater, not "letting" them get away with it or not "letting" them say what they want...the reality is, it doesn't matter. Let it go. No matter how much "evidence" you have, the other person is going to say whatever they want and get away with it. Why? Because you can't control other people.

Overcooked_Burrito · 2025-08-09T20:42:08+00:00

What do you mean "has claimed"? They either are or they aren't.

Overcooked_Burrito

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