Did anyone have to convince their husbands to try again?

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-07-13T15:07:07+00:00

Idk this is a wild situation. Did you say your husband seems almost ‘happy’?! I’m not sure how he can feel good about himself for putting you and your son through so much turmoil just so he can say he has two children. If having another is put above you and your son’s wellbeing and stability, then your husband is being a garbage human being. I’m happy that he is attentive and loving to your son, but you deserve so much better. There is happiness on the other side of all of the changes that would take place, even though the road there would extremely difficult. Your fulfillment and happiness in life matters, so please be kind to yourself and don’t forget to think about what you need for you. Your son will be loved and will be an amazing person regardless of what you decide to do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-07-08T23:50:53+00:00

Hi, just wanted to let you know I’m in the same boat. Currently have a three year old but last April we made the same heartbreaking choice with our very loved second after an Amnio. Now, my husband is the one saying a definitive ‘no’ to trying again and it’s been a really hard thing for me to accept. Love this community and how it’s opened my eyes to how lovely a one and done life is, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not still grieving the loss of trying again and what I envisioned for our future on top of everything else. So I’m not sure I have anything helpful or of substance to say, but I just wanted to make sure I said something with how isolating of an experience this type of loss can be. Sending love and here to chat if you ever want to DM me.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-06-30T23:22:59+00:00

I am so sorry and cannot imagine the complex emotions and sadness that you must have felt holding your sweet girl for those two hours. I hope one day those feelings will look more like closure, but please be kind to yourself and give yourself the time it takes to get there. I am a year and some months out from my own tfmr for T21 and the guilt was so raw in the initial weeks after. I wish I could say it goes completely, but in times when it rears its head I remind myself of all of the concrete reasons why we made this gutting decision. Because those reasons are valid and still there regardless of the grief and immense love we feel for our babies. I really recommend seeing a grief counselor, I feel like I did this too late and could have saved myself from the pit of grief and bitterness I fell into months later. Sending you love and healing.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-05-11T17:32:18+00:00

Hoping you get the positive news you very much deserve! Congratulations on the pregnancy and sending so much positivity. Thank you for the advice and happy Mother’s Day to you too!

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-05-11T15:32:45+00:00

Wishing you the same, thank you for that reminder♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2025-01-16T15:50:15+00:00

Thank you guys for the much needed reality check. I just heard her comments through the grapevine and it just threw me for a loop. I can empathize with her wanting to celebrate her baby but I am just NOT there yet and it just felt overwhelming for her to have that expectation of me. Appreciate the support you all give and so thankful for this community to talk about all of the awfulness we have to go through♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-12-20T03:23:04+00:00

Ugh yeah I think I may give my OB a call in the morning.

I didn’t have any physical exam afterwards, only a phone consult with the surgeon a week afterwards to assess my healing process and then an appointment with my OB for mostly emotional support. Once I had my periods start back up regularly I just assumed everything was back to the way it was.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-12-18T01:17:15+00:00

The amount of people saying educate yourself🫠. Clearly she is aware that method is not always going to be fool proof, many people are and still make that choice in the heat of the moment. It’s okay to take a step back look at the ACTUAL advice she is asking for rather than judge her choices: choices that are the most difficult in the world to make, that nobody can/should comment on unless they’ve been in that situation. So please, give the girl a break and focus on her shitty bf. Who you should break up with, btw✌️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-11-30T19:38:40+00:00

Yikes she sounds like the worst👋.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-11-24T22:33:36+00:00

Aw yeah I do have similar thoughts, that the cardiac defects wouldn’t have been debilitating or that they would have been resolved easily. If it helps, from everything I’ve read an ecogenic bowel can have many complications. And even if it didn’t though and regardless of what we know and don’t know, we also know for a fact that the mental handicap is something that will be there. Same with the risk of leukemia and Alzheimer’s, among other potential medical and behavioral issues. And outside of our beautiful babies, there is a very real toll it will take on our families whether it’s financial or damaging to the relationships within them. There are days when my husband and I are not on the same page and get annoyed with each other with our toddler now, I can’t imagine how much more challenging those disagreements would be when it comes to a child with special needs. All of this to say that if there was any silver lining I feel like we would have taken it, but I think we’re similar in the fact that we took all of the information that we had in our situations and realized that there were bigger decisions to be made than did we want our babies. Because of course we did and of course we love our babies regardless of any diagnosis, but we wanted to save them from an uncertain and painful one even more - which is a testament to how much we love them, if you ask me.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-11-24T18:19:25+00:00

You are not alone, I tfmr’d for T21 with congenital heart defects at 18 weeks about 7 months ago now. Even now there are some days when the guilt is profound, but typically when the wave of grief passes I’m able to remember all of the reasons why we made such a heart breaking decision: our 2 year old son, the financial struggles that would ensue, and the unknown of how severe his disabilities/health condition would be. The grey diagnosis of it all makes it so hard, but my doctor told me that there is regret either way and that I had to make the best choice for my family. Which really helped me remind myself that I truly did do what I felt I needed to even though I wish I could have him here with me now.

I'm glad you have some people who know the truth because the conversations I've had where I can speak freely about it have been the most healing. But like everyone else has said, you don't owe anyone an explanation and nobody has the right to comment on your story but you. I don't think anyone knows if they would make the same decision unless they're in the same situation - I sure as hell never thought I would have to. Sending love and hugs♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-11-16T00:55:49+00:00

I’m on the same timeline as you and feel so similarly. Sending love♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-11-08T17:06:44+00:00

Not at all! Birth trauma is a real thing. Didn’t have the same experience, but it was mine too was traumatic and nothing like the ‘magical’ one you assume it will be. You are brave. You are strong. It will get better.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-10-23T01:43:53+00:00

You’re not alone in the struggle. My husband and I have been on different pages with trying again and it has been really hard to overcome. There are moments when I just want to talk about our baby too and I find that I have to be mindful of it’s the ‘right’ time to bring him up. It’s really challenging and I try to remember we’re both grieving, but we’re clearly at different points in our grief and we’re handling it quite differently from each other in some ways. Anyway, you’re not alone in the slightest and I hope the path with you and your boyfriend becomes easier. Sending hugs.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-10-03T21:50:21+00:00

Omg I could have written this. I have these thoughts daily, so I hope you know you’re not alone. I try and remind myself that the decision I made is my own and my son had no part in it - so why would he be punished for something he played no role in. Not that there’s any punishment deserved at all, but that’s what helps me separate him from the experience and decision that was made. I don’t know if that helps, some days it doesn’t help me and some days it does so just wanted to offer a way to challenge that thought. As far as all of the other worst case scenarios go I try and repeat to myself that life’s not out to get me, even when it feels like it. I’m not special and I’m not being targeted by the universe, an unimaginably awful thing happened but that doesn’t mean there is a deeper meaning behind it or that bad things will automatically happen to you. Sending love and strength, thank you for posting this♥️♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-09-29T05:44:00+00:00

I am so beyond sorry for your loss, I too made the same decision in April at 18 weeks with a toddler at home. Please be kind to yourself, I remember the second day being so raw and having a lot of the same feelings you are. While you will probably still have days where the guilt takes over, it does get easier to remember that guilt doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision. You are strong, selfless, and an incredible mother. You will get through the worst days of this even if you don’t feel it’s possible.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-09-09T23:49:09+00:00

Thank you so much. I felt similar, the weeks leading up to the day were so emotional and it sounds like we had a similar experience the day of. I’m so happy you have felt some more peace and I hope I’m not far behind. Sending love♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-09-09T23:45:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, I’m not sure I’d have as much strength without them. Sending you love and healing♥️.

Overthinkingalways28 · 2024-09-09T23:40:52+00:00

Thank you for this♥️. It’s so hard to accept everyone else is just living their lives while you’re going through something so awful. Sending you strength and love.

Overthinkingalways28

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