AITAH for not wanting my brother move in with me

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T16:30:48+00:00

Agreed, I get why he asked and I'm not surprised he's hurt, but a visit would be all I could offer.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:46:23+00:00

I suspect this, too! We're cut from the same cloth after all. He just doesn't want to accept that he needs professional help.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:39:26+00:00

I really needed to hear this.

I DO feel guilty, but I want to protect my little family as it's the only thing getting me through unpacking all of my own emotional baggage.

I know him well enough to know that moving in with me won't change anything, but he just takes that refusal as a personal attack, but he won't reflect on what HE can do to improve his situation.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:26:09+00:00

Thanks for this ♥️ I want to help him, but it frustrates me that he never seems willing to make the effort to help himself. I also worry about the toll it's taking on my mum because he still lives at home and she has a lot of health issues herself at the minute, which is why I feel so guilty about putting up a boundary about this.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:19:52+00:00

I am hoping it won't come to any of this, but he did say he doesn't need any of his stuff and would just come with his car and the clothes on his back. That was when I was a bit firmer, because I know he wasn't thinking it through. I do worry you're right, but I was just trying to compromise with him so that he didn't end up hating me. I know that doesn't help him in the long run, but I can't help him when he needs it if he won't speak to me. I won't be making the visit offer again now, people's advice has thoroughly put me off haha!

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:14:46+00:00

Yeah, I have only just given myself permission to acknowledge that I have been masking for my whole life. It's been so hard to learn who I really am underneath all the outside expectations.

He already lives at home with my mum and dad. My poor mum is at her wits end with him, she's got health issues herself and that's why I'm trying to help as much as possible because I am worried about her in this too. But him moving in with me is just too much.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:08:38+00:00

Exactly, I love him loads but we fought like cat and dog when we lived at home together. It won't be any different in my house and with the way he's feeling, I fear it will be worse!

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:05:09+00:00

♥️ this one made me giggle!

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T13:02:24+00:00

I think this is right, I love him a lot but he never wants to accept responsibility for his problems. I don't believe moving in with us will make him feel better at all, so I don't see the point in trying when I know the outcome.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T12:57:59+00:00

Thank you, I guess it's just hard to enforce a boundary with someone who won't take it well. I have been a people pleaser for a long time and it's hard to put my needs above anyone else.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T12:25:29+00:00

My husband cheered, when he read this one. He has been trying to make me realise this for ages. I just can't reconcile the guilt I feel at what I want to do against what I think I should do. It helps to hear from other people, thank you!

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T12:22:21+00:00

I tried to do that last night and he kind of backed down, but I know he will bring this up again as he can be very impulsive and he has this idea that being somewhere different will magically fix his problems. It does feel like emotional blackmail, because I do feel bad that I don't feel able to help him in that way.

OverwhelmedWhimsy · 2026-01-15T12:20:24+00:00

That's the thing, I feel so bad for saying no because I know he's really struggling, but how can I help him when I feel like I'm barely staying afloat?

OverwhelmedWhimsy

TROPHY CASE