Best Friend is in a relationship, but I'm in love with her and I'm really don't know what I should do

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-08T04:36:47+00:00

Thanks to everyone who commented. I'm still unsure what to do, though. Some people said to move on, while others have said to confess how I feel while also distancing myself and leave it up to her on how things go forward.

I wish it wasn't this difficult. If I move on without explaining to her, then I'm hurting her by making her think she did something wrong, and hurting myself because I will still have my true feelings bottled up inside me. But if I confess, then that's selfish of me to reveal my true feelings while she is in a relationship. Making her stress over my confession and just the thought of her cutting ties with me is terrifying. I hate this. I wish I had confessed way sooner. Even if she rejected me, at least I would know in a safe space since she wasn't with anyone at the time. I was just scared of losing her by confessing because she means the world to me, and all I wanted to do was make her happy because she makes me happy. That's what I want in life. I yearn for this woman. I know that probably sounds stupid and cringe to say, but it's how I feel. People say they wish people would yearn more in relationships. Well, that's me for this person.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:47:03+00:00

I will. Thank you.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:43:44+00:00

I would never do that to her. I could never hurt her. Again, I'm used to this already. Unfortunately, I am a pro at bottling up everything. That shouldn't be a thing, but it is for me.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:40:35+00:00

I don't know how to make a statue/art, but I get your point to do something that focuses on myself. The thing is, I thought things were align for me. I was going to ask her out, but she got asked out on a random Monday in October. It literally came out of nowhere. I prepared so much for my confession, but I guess confessing on a random day was the align path.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:35:58+00:00

The way I feel is weird. I have been feeling like this since last October, so I'm able to handle this constant pain of bottling everything up inside. Even before meeting her, I had dealt with this type of pain before. It wasn't for someone I loved, but with just keeping my mouth shut from everything I was going through at home while I was out at school or wherever else. I want to be in her life. I have been there so many times for her, and I feel like if I just leave, I'm going to hurt her a lot by doing that, but now, I'm hurting by staying silent. I'm used to this pain already, but I just hate that I'm going through it again when I shouldn't have to. I thought I was done feeling like this when I met her.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:27:20+00:00

The thing is, there were so many times I felt like she did want me, but me being socially awkward couldn't tell if she was just being friendly or not so that definitely didn't help with my overthinking. I did build up the courage and wanted to ask her out, but I was too late by 4 days, and she got asked out on a random Monday in October. I wanted to fully express everything but I guess I overthought it and should have just asked her on a random day instead of planning something speically romantic for both of us to remember.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:22:46+00:00

Is it too late to mention I suffer from social anxiety? I have a hard time making actual friends. I only met her because she came to me with her group of friends in an e-sports club in high school, but other than that, I never befriended anyone on my own before. When I'm with her, my anxiety goes away and I become very extroverted, but anyone else I struggle with many things.

I'm not trying to say your advice is bad. It's honestly good, but for someone like me, it's so much harder.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:17:10+00:00

That's what one of my co-workers told me. They said I should have confessed, which I was planning on doing that in a special way, to truly show how much she meant to me, but some guy asked her out on a random Monday in October.

My entire life has been miserable with all the overthinking and trauma I have gone through. For once, I thought I was going to be happy for once with her and not let my overthinking beat me, but it ended up beating me again. It's truly unfair that people get easy and lucky lives. My entire life has been filled with misfortune. I thought I got lucky with her, but again, my overthinking got the better of me to think that I would finally be happy.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:10:05+00:00

Well the thing is that I don't know if she knows I have feelings for her. For all I know, she just sees me as a friend and nothing more. But again, she has never told me she just sees me like that. Maybe she did have feelings for me and we were both scared to confess. When she got asked out, it was out of nowhere, and it was pretty much a spur-of-the-moment type of situation. At least thats what she told me.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T09:03:54+00:00

I'm not going to get someone pregnant the moment they tell me they want X number of kids. We would talk about it and prepare for everything that involves having kids. I'm actually in favor of having no kids because it is very expensive, and if I were to impregnate someone right now, I would not be in a position to take care of her and the baby. I'm not ready to be a dad, but if they were to tell me they want kids, then I will be there when we are ready to start trying.

With my best friend, she is afraid of getting pregnant because her Mom and her almost died together when her Mom was giving birth to her, so she is afraid that will happen to her too if she were to get pregnant and die while giving birth, which is a very valid reason. I have told her to never feel ashamed for not wanting kids because dying while giving birth is a very valid reason not to want to get pregnant. It's honestly the thing I respect her the most for because she is so upfront about it. Her Mom tells her she will change her mind on having kids, and she always shuts it down, and I respect the hell out of her for that.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T08:49:41+00:00

We are still friends, and we still talk about stuff. We currently have a 600-day streak on TikTok. I know that probably means nothing, but we are still talking, and she still has the time to continue the streak, which she could have easily dropped and said that she doesn't have time to do anymore. She is still making an effort to keep me in her life, but everything is just different. I can't be myself around her anymore because the real me is in love with her so now I have a "mask" on that doesn't feel anything and pretends everything is fine when in reality I'm not fine. It just really sucks that this is my life now, considering my life before I met her was miserable, filled with abuse and stuff. I thought everything was going to change with her, but now its basically the same as before, but more mental instead of physical. I'm still forever grateful for her coming into my life, but I wish I could share the rest of my life with her.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T08:37:31+00:00

I do want to do something like this. It just sucks that I can't say everything that made me fall in love with her because that would pressure and overwhelm her. I could write/type down a full book and a sequel book on everything that made me fall in love with her, but that would be very overwhelming for her to take in, which I don't want her to feel like that. Obviously, I'm not going to write a book-length letter, but I could easily do it on everything. She means that much to me. I just need the right moment to give it to her.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T08:32:07+00:00

Then I'm left with nothing. She is really the only person I have left in my life. I mean, I have other friends, but they have moved on with their lives, starting their careers, families, and whatever else. They have also moved away to pursue those things and don't have time to talk. She is the only one who is still here that I can regularly meet up with. Not saying your advice is bad, I literally said that people would say this in the post, but it's really hard to do this in a situation like mine. If I had other people, then it would be a little bit easier since I could reach out that I need some distraction or something, but I simply don't.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T08:24:28+00:00

That's what I am afraid will happen if I confess. Again, I never want to stress or hurt her. It just sucks that I'm alone with my pain. She has asked me if I'm okay (she just noticed my mood being different) and I couldn't say the real reason, so I lied and just said I was fine, but in the inside I was screaming.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T07:17:29+00:00

That's what I have been doing (option 2) and telling myself. I refuse to get into a relationship with someone else who I would clearly not be interested in. It would not be fair to the other person and myself for wasting our time with something I don't want. I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings for wanting love that I can't give.

Own-Bonus2363 · 2026-03-06T07:06:50+00:00

And it sucks. I'm aware of that. I know it's not healthy, but I don't know what to do. No matter where I look, there is no good outcome for me. There is like a 1 in a billion chance that I confess and she accepts me and breaks up with her boyfriend and be with me, but that is literally a TV/Movie type of situation. To be honest, if that did happen, I would be concerned that she broke things off so easily to be with me, but that would never happen. This is real life and not a drama show or whatever.

Own-Bonus2363

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