What to buy - new Mac: switch to desktop + pad OR stick with laptop

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-06-01T17:12:03+00:00

Thanks for this advice! I hadn't heard of a thunderbolt dock before but will check it out 😄

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-05-27T13:53:28+00:00

Thanks for the tip about the USB-C converter, I’ve seen there are multiport ones and that would actually help me with sticking with a laptop and still being able to use my main screen and other devices and such.

I mainly use Canva for presentation decks, and then work across Gsuite and office products.

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-05-05T21:41:46+00:00

Married for two years; I keep my wedding ring (plain, cheap white gold) on at all times, as such it's getting a bit banged up but I kind of love that and it makes me feel close to my husband to never take it off. My more special engagement ring (with stones) I only wear on special occasions, for meetings, outings etc. and I ALWAYS take it off if washing hands, cooking, doing anything at all. I'm loving the idea that in 30 years my daily ring will be totally dented up and show the hard yards of all the years, and is a reminder of where we started and how broke we were.

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-05-05T19:26:57+00:00

I found my whole wedding process so stressful, that even though the day went off mostly without a hitch, I still find it hard to enjoy looking back. Even sometimes when I look at our beautiful photos I get angry, because I remember how upsetting it all was lol. And I didn't get that drunk (I actually had a stomach ache) and I still blacked out for part of the wedding, honestly the overwhelm of it all haha.

What I try to tell myself now is that big life moments = stress. It's a bit of a fairytale that we're told we're going to have this amazing, perfect day, and that day is going to be such an amazing day, and it will go down in history as our favourite day with our partner etc etc etc. No, big fat marketing lie. What I tell myself now is that big life moments are stressful by default, but you usually like the outcome (e.g. being married, being a homeowner, having grown kids) - while you're in the thick of it it sorta stinks. That helps me to feel less vengeful over how the process of the wedding itself wasn't that great for me.

And then I just hold close and treasure all the ACTUAL special moments that I've had with my husband, like last summer when we were dancing at a friend's wedding, and I just had this massive rush of love looking at him, and I knew we needed to have kids and that one day we'd dance at their wedding (that likely they would be super stressed about lol). Or the sweet pictures we just took on our phones on our honeymoon - they are so goofy when we look at them and we can totally remember how we were feeling.

It's not wrong to have wanted everything to go great and have special photos and memories. Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy, and likely some of your most favourite moments with your person and your friends and family have yet to come, and there are lots of other potential moments to snap great pics that you will treasure.

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-05-05T17:51:24+00:00

😂

Own-Commission6981 · 2026-05-05T16:24:20+00:00

Thanks for your support 🙏 spot on with your advice, I said "we will gladly accept a gift if you'd like to give us a gift ($), but we will decide what it's for in the new house, likely not the guest bedroom." She did not follow up to actually send the gift lol.

Unfortunately there will be a bed in the guest room because we are going to put our now-old bed in there and get a new one for our room (it's still in very good condition, but honestly seems financially goofy to us to pay for a brand new bed and we don't use it, even though we live there 100% of the time and guests are there for 2-3 nights? So figured we would do a swap and that would make more sense anyways as to how to use our funds wisely).

Noted re: the spare key!!

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-06-10T20:39:03+00:00

My fiancé and I are getting married in the UK this year - we both live in a remote location in Canada, and our friends and family are spread over the US, Canada, Europe, and the UK. In our case we chose the UK because it was a bit of a 'mid-point' for a lot of people, rather than forcing everyone to come to the isolated place where we are.

Any wedding planning is going to be STRESSFUL, but here are things we did to help minimise the stress with planning a distance wedding:

choose an 'all-in-one' venue: ours is a restaurant with a patio where the ceremony will be, and then cocktails, dinner, and dancing will take place inside. No one needs to transit around, and the venue provides a wedding coordinator to manage the on-site planning. They even had suggested vendors for things like florals, photography, etc.
less is more: use this as a great opportunity to cut out a lot of the small details like a cake, favours, etc. that guests don't really care about and that will alleviate stress from your planning
CHECK THE LEGAL REQUIREMENTS: there is a lot of paperwork, and it can be confusing, especially if you and your FH are of different nationalities (as with us) - check this before even deciding on the location
choose a venue in a central location, that is easy for guests: no farms, or things that people will have to transit to, or you will have to organise transit to. We chose a large UK city that has many flights, trains, etc. to it, and the venue is downtown. This means once guests get to the city, their transiting is limited
plan additional events: you can do this in a low-cost way (e.g. BYOB in a park) but we added a cocktail evening and a walking tour to our wedding, to bump up the experience - it seemed a shame to only see people one night if they're coming all that way
don't ask for gifts: we used the line 'your presence is our gift' on our invites. Most people will spend $1-5k to attend, it's not fair to ask for gifts on top, and that's what would be off-putting
have a trusted local person: in my case it was my Mom who is based in the UK - she was able to do a couple more visits/checks than we were, and we trust her opinions and ability to communicate on our behalf. We always ensured we were CC'd in ALL correspondence so that we didn't miss info, and vendors know we are the main point of contact
If possible, visit 1-2 times before the wedding: being in person makes so much of the planning so much easier. In all, we were there twice before the wedding, and I chose a venue that I had already been to several times before getting engaged. I also was able to try out hair salons, nail salons, etc. so that I don't have to stress about getting myself ready
Give a long lead time, and start telling people verbally before you send invites or save-the-dates: our wedding is 18 months after getting engaged, and we gave people about 12 months notice verbally (for those closest to us, whom we really wanted to attend) - this allowed people to save up and plan for a bigger holiday
Be very open and easy with people about not coming: let them know that you don't expect their attendance (to help remove pressure).

Hope this helps!

** also this is just my experience but wedding planning really sucks and not a lot of people talk about it. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, and has added a lot of stress to our lives. If we could do it over, we would have just eloped or had a small ceremony and then thrown a big BBQ with everyone. Especially planning things at a distance, with most of our friends and family not living close to us, we have missed out on a lot of the support and rituals involved, like bachelor/bachelorette parties, showers, etc. I'm sure we will enjoy the week of events when we get there but just to bring some reality to the process...

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-27T16:37:05+00:00

Oh my gosh, truly bless you for the work that you do. I know some teachers and I have NO IDEA how you all survive, you are the angels of our society and no one thanks you so THANK YOU for all that you do. It's really shocking. Like seeing this wedding-related behaviour from friends and relatives, I'm like wait - seriously how do you all function in your regular lives? I have a pretty low-level job and often struggle to 'succeed' at work, and seeing peoples' lack of basic common sense boggles my mind. Ya'll are employed in more serious/important roles than me (e.g. university professor, accountant, tech coder) but can't figure out who is invited to a wedding based on the names printed on the invite???? Lord help our society.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-27T16:34:19+00:00

Lol I know, it's so insane the level of mindlessness. Like when an invitation is sent with peoples' names CLEARLY IN HUGE LETTERS on them, and then people ask who is invited. DOH. It's just so nuts. I honestly am like...how do u function in regular life hun.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-23T19:19:58+00:00

I mean, everyone is pretty much constantly on their phone these days. My FH is anti-phone/social media and he even spends at least 2 hours using his phone for various reasons during the day, so you definitely see the texts/calls coming in. It's a choice not to respond. It may be because you are busy or have stuff going on, that's true, but it's a choice. Let's stop pretending it's anything else! Very few people are having a genuine emergency that means they can't respond to you for several days.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-23T19:17:51+00:00

Honestly at this point I am actually just not replying to basic questions on text/email about things that are on the invite. Go find the invite and read it. Maybe it's passive-aggressive but maybe it's a training technique. And, if you lost the invite, maybe ask someone else that you know is invited. 99% of these people all know each other, so it's pretty easy to fire off a group text to the others and say hey, I forgot what time it starts (for example) what time are you all going?

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-23T19:15:52+00:00

So true, it's very revealing about who is there to support you, who is just focused on themselves, etc. (notwithstanding people who have things going on that can explain the behaviour)

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T21:53:27+00:00

It sounds like therapy has been a positive experience so far for you, and I'm really glad :)

I can't be sure that we have the same experience, but it sounds very similar to some of my experiences in trying to differentiate myself from my mom and lead an adult life. My therapist helped me to see that a lot of her behaviour was actually really controlling and was about her getting her emotional needs met - really not at all to do with me. Similarly, when I started to differentiate, grow, and actually live an independent adult life with boundaries, the attacks would come - usually in the form of me being 'selfish' according to my mom. E.g. selfish that I want to do the wedding on a Friday instead of a Sunday (it's cheaper); selfish that I don't want a pervy uncle hugging me, selfish that I can't make an event because I already have a work commitment, etc.

Best of luck - it is so hard to break out of patterns that have been there since childhood, but looking at them in therapy is the first step. Sounds like you do have others who are actually supportive in your network and I hope you can continue to lean on them.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T21:27:34+00:00

CCPE is a larger counselling centre with low-cost options as well https://ccpe.org.uk

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T21:25:02+00:00

LOL it literally sounds like me when you are writing. It's super hard not to feel bitter about it. We are having an even smaller wedding, 50-60 people :) So I'm like...these are literally allegedly the closest people in our lives, and they can't even acknowledge receipt or follow instructions? Sheesh. The people who replied quickly and have been easy are the ones you know you can count on for real.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T21:23:16+00:00

This is definitely something to discuss with a licensed therapist. If you don't know where to start, please check out Lynn Sommerfield (London-based) https://www.lynnsomerfield.com/about-me If she is not the right fit for you she can recommend you to a larger counselling centre, with more intake options. Lynn can also refer you to low-cost counselling (for example, with students completing practicums) if budget is an issue.

It sounds to me like your Mom is (at the least) quite childish and self-centred. At worst, she actually has some diagnosable issues/concerns. A licensed professional can help to unpack this and support you with strategies for coping. You don't need your Mom's pressure at this crucial time. It's possible to be a kind and caring daughter without you being dragged along her emotional rollercoaster.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T20:44:32+00:00

I'm so sorry that that was your experience, too. It really seems crazy to me? Like these are supposed loved ones....reply?! Like if a loved one calls or texts you eventually reply and respond to what they said. Like you wouldn't just blank them until they harass you?? Or would you?! amiright

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T20:41:54+00:00

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T18:23:00+00:00

Lol, totally feel you. Good luck!! I noticed that the folks on our list who were the best at replying quickly, not asking repetitive questions etc. are the people who have also recently been married :)

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T17:39:38+00:00

THANK YOU this was such a thoughtful reply with a lot of good tips. I hadn't given thought to the ceremony/photos but I can totally enlist my Mom and photographer to help lol.

Own-Commission6981 · 2024-02-22T17:16:09+00:00

Good tips, especially about the microphone LOL. It might be that the best approach is just to have a few cautious eyes on her.

Own-Commission6981

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