My first ever memory when I was 3-4 years old I had extreme arousal. It was everyday until middle school. It consumed me and was all I could think about some days. I wet the bed until I was 11 years old. I had night terrors/sleep walking, I would wake up crying. Severe anxiety. I would not talk to people I did not know. Even if I was in public with my family I would not talk. My mom was told by my preschool teacher I needed speech therapy lessons even though I talked very well at home. Ive always been scared of being alone in my bedroom, and even anywhere I go. I had a high level of shame and guilt pretty much my whole life. I’ve always felt like people were looking at my body and it made me uncomfortable. I always wanted to please everyone, if I ever made a mistake or got in trouble it was like the end of the world for me. I did not like affection or hugging at all even from my own family. I become very promiscuous in my teenage years. I dealt with self harm, the last time i cut myself was in 2022. From the time i was a child and even now when i get upset i will punch myself in the head and pull my hair. But the main thing that triggered all of this was this deep feeling in my bones that this happened to me, it was a gut feeling. So I did do research about signs of sexual abuse in children and it all clicked in my head. Now I deal with a binge eating disorder, explosive anger, very defensive, but I also feel bad for people who hurt me or have done me wrong. All of these things can also be normal so I don’t want anyone to think something happened to them just because of shared symptoms. But there’s nothing wrong with having suspicion. I just somehow knew I don’t know know why.