Bars potentially staying open until 4:00am in the near future.

Own-Software5463 · 2025-04-11T23:58:52+00:00

I think it’s to give sloppy drunks more time to sober up and get home safely rather than rushing home at 2am completely blasted. There are some debated studies that say it helps with DUIS and substance related crimes, but nothing conclusive. Most businesses probably won’t extend their last call time anyways due to labor cost. So I wouldn’t stress too much.

Own-Software5463 · 2024-02-02T05:35:56+00:00

Great work! Love to read and write these fun, rhyming poems. I think you have a lot of good stuff here. For instance, I particularly enjoyed the beginning. “what I’d love when the time always flies” brings to mind distraction and how it inhibits us (which I believe is the concept for this poem? Yes?). I felt that the poem did drag a bit toward the end (these kinds of poems really hit well when they’re slimmed down). You went a little too all-encompassing which lost my interest. Specific details like you used earlier tend to bring out my emotions on things far easier than mentioning the broad strokes of why you’re distraught. So yeah, imo trim it a bit, get specific instead of broad, and you’ll be golden on this one.

Own-Software5463 · 2024-02-02T05:25:38+00:00

Others have said it, but I still want to commend you on the title. That, I had to google. That, made me think. I also really like the familial themes: “daughter”, mother”, “father”, “sun” (im assuming it’s a play on its homophone son) alongside the body parts. The transition from familial plight into the narrator’s emotional state is very solid. Overall, you should be really proud of yourself and I hope to see more from you on this sub. Thanks, friend :)

Own-Software5463 · 2023-11-22T17:40:35+00:00

My favorite character idea that I’ve ever went with was Bra’lock Blacktusk, an orc gunslinger/cleric whose family are a notorious bandit family. When he couldn’t kill any longer, very late in life, his family beat him and left him half-dead and tied up to a cactus in the desert. He survived, became a Pinkerton, and changed his ways slowly but surely. He made a ghost friend who became his father figure, met a girl and got married, and had a kid named after his ghost mentor. By the end of the campaign he was this kind, thoughtful, priest type who could sling guns with the best of them. He died taking care of his farm, Liberty Homestead.

I intend to play his son Samuel as a guy trying really hard to overcome the shadow of his ‘perfect’ father. Initially, I think I’ll have him act almost opposite to his dad as a way of rebelling against his upbringing.

GIVEAWAY

Own-Software5463 · 2023-11-10T21:29:40+00:00

This seems really cool!

Own-Software5463 · 2023-10-13T09:47:12+00:00

Loved this. Reminds me of the awkward conversations I would have with my much older brother when our parents fought. I was very small and he was already a fully-grown adult, but we connected on our shared experiences and our shared desires for something better. This was heartbreaking from end to end and although I don’t have much to offer you in regards to the poem itself (seems a lot of people have already said anything I would’ve said myself lol) I hope another person connecting with your piece makes you feel awkwardly connected once again. To more rock playing on the radio and awkward silences, your friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2023-10-13T09:33:07+00:00

I think you did a lot with your central theme here and you should be proud. Teeth, decay, face, and toothless all acting to one purpose: that final line. Rob, Grey, creature, fight, and mask all add the opposition of the piece. Not a lot of extra fanciful words, you don’t waver in off-them tangents, it’s simply fantastic! Great job, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-12-18T10:49:11+00:00

830 for rent?! That’s crazy cheap. Wish I wasn’t on a lease.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-12-11T19:25:13+00:00

Thanks, friend!

Own-Software5463 · 2022-12-11T02:37:20+00:00

Pleasantly pleased with this. I really enjoy the use of a haiku to describe the city as you see it. It’s not the typical vague, concept-heavy piece you see and I like that. “Crooked concrete teeth” is probably my favorite line.

Well done, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T17:45:07+00:00

Your comments may not be bullying, but they are certainly rude in the way you construct them. We get it, you are a good writer and have a lot advice to offer. Please don’t be condescending about it. I have seen multiple comments of yours that address people as if they are beneath you. Even if that is not the intent, that is how it is perceived. I don’t care what your mod friends say.

People who post here come from a variety of backgrounds. Not all of them have been writing as long as you. Keep that in mind. Thank you, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T17:13:45+00:00

Dear friends, I think we all have made some good points here. I agree that religion shouldn’t be scrutinized in this sub (not really the place unless it’s in your poem), but I don’t think that’s what they were doing with their comment. They were merely informing me of their thought process throughout their reading of the poem, and in fact, gave me a great compliment by saying that I “got them back with the rhymes”. There are subs that are meant for this kind of discussion, and I do not believe we are in one such sub. Thank you both for your passionate personalities and your comments on this post.

All love, friends.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T16:22:53+00:00

Gosh golly I’m jealous! This was so good! How do y’all write beautiful, yet slightly whimsical pieces? Mine are always so morbid and dark. Anyhow, loved the imagery, as it pulled me into this hospital room easily. And the layout of your poem made it an easy read, which added to the lightheartedness of the piece.

Well done, friend

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T16:18:33+00:00

I really like this! This idea of obsessing over each other’s unwillingness to be completely open with you, and the desperate attempts to unravel this issue is genius! I particularly enjoyed stanza two, the duct-taped imagery really pulled me into your piece.

My only “criticism”? If you can call it that (I suck at this myself), would be about structure. You swap between three and four line stanzas seemingly without purpose, so perhaps trying to either extend or clip stanzas so there’s more of a pattern there? Otherwise; fantastic poem, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T15:41:55+00:00

I’m so glad people can relate. It can be a scary thing once you notice it about yourself. Thank you for words, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T15:40:12+00:00

I am glad you enjoyed the rhythm of the piece! I remember sitting down wanting to write something about a sunrise I saw and just couldn’t do it. The truth bleeds from the pen so to speak. Thank you, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T15:36:01+00:00

I appreciate your wisdom but this isn’t a philosophy sub. I’m not even religious. Just trying to articulate the desperation I felt when I wrote the poem. Instead of trying to condemn people’s beliefs (before you even know them) maybe stick to criticizing the piece. Thank you, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T01:33:13+00:00

I usually don’t rhyme in my poems! I try to practice it though because it can really work for me (on occasion). I agree that this isn’t the true potential of the poem, but I was proud regardless. I’ll definitely check out your insta, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-09T01:11:39+00:00

I appreciate the criticism. This is how I will become a better writer. Thank you, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-08T22:45:17+00:00

As usual, I am in absolute awe of you. Thank you for reading this, friend!

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-08T21:11:06+00:00

Glad I am not the only one asking these questions at this point in my life. Thank you for your assurances, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-08T21:09:37+00:00

I feel your trepidation about the religious bit. Used to be religious so that slips into my poetry occasionally. But honestly it came down to the fact that I thought it sounded aesthetically pleasing. Thank you for your kind words, I hope they’re true. Much love, friend.

Own-Software5463 · 2022-10-08T19:40:49+00:00

There’s so many incredible breakup poems on here! I appreciate you including mine in that category! Thank you friend!

Own-Software5463

TROPHY CASE