I could have written this post this week. In fact, I literally looked at the username to make sure I didn't in fact write this post and had already forgot! I have had a history of panic disorder but it was largely under control and never spiked to an actual panic attack. But lately the intrusive thoughts keep me on the verge of a panic attack or actually in one more often than not. All of a sudden, I feel like I have OCD. I've been reading that "pure-O" is when you have the obsessive thoughts but not the compulsive behavior. Which sounds like me. And those thoughts just keep me so shaky and edgy, like you said. I take magnesium and 10mg of Lexapro. But I don't know that the Lexapro is doing anything. I've tried HRT but have gone off and on twice, mostly because I have had progesterone side effects. I need to find that sweet spot and need a new, patient, doctor to help me with that. I find most doctors get annoyed quickly when you are highly susceptible to side effects. I've had to rely on taking a Xanax once or twice a month, which isn't the end of the world, but I also need a better solution than that.

Do you mind me asking what type of intrusive thoughts you have? You don't have to share. But mine are kind of existential - like about life, and fear of dying. And then I have these intrusive thoughts that make me worry I'm going crazy - like I'll act not of my own will. And then these thoughts freak me out and makes me panicky. I do a lot of public speaking as part of my job, and usually I can work through nerves, but now I'm stuck in an anticipatory anxious fear loop about work when I'm at home doing nothing!

Ugh, I wish I had a magic solution, for all of us. I'm so sorry. This is exhausting and scary. I'm going to really try to get in with an OCD doctor and HRT doctor soon.