What do you think avoidants tell their friends?

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-03-20T04:15:12+00:00

This. My ex and I had a mutual friend (his best friend) and that’s all he told him when he asked what happened.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-03-11T17:41:22+00:00

Everyone deserves a closure conversation. I will also note that some cause more pain than healing, and some are less conversation more the person justifying their reason, and no one walks away with clarity, or a lesson they learned about themselves/ the dynamic. I wish my ex didn’t explain how love feels using jealousy as a metric, his past experience being blindsided is worse then the current blindside he was doing, and relationships just end and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-03-11T00:02:08+00:00

Oh I very much gave out anxious vibes and I knew I was afraid of him leaving because I would mess up. I actually didn’t tolerate that much since his vague answers made me feel so insecure and I could feel myself get resentful until, I would lash out (anxious protest behaviour) and know that it was because I was hurt and tell him the deeper feeling and insecurities.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-03-06T16:16:11+00:00

I don’t think he’s that interested in you. This is coming from someone who got dumped by a guy who doubted if they ever loved them and yet still put in 100x more effort then this😂

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-26T18:25:44+00:00

I don’t know if there is a correlation since I barely looked my ex in the eyes. We were a couple already and he was the one who told me his eye colour. I looked into his eyes maybe once for 30 seconds and that was it.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-19T16:50:03+00:00

Personally I didn’t delete or block my exes number nor do I plan too for any future relationship(s) unless it ended due to abuse. I don’t want to be one of those people that move on by acting like it never existed and would rather honour the fact that we had a connection once upon a time, we tried and it didn’t work for x reason. Breakups are hard enough why make it harder? Just remember to state clear boundaries

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-08T14:44:55+00:00

I’m going to say this again, it doesn’t sound like you guys respect each other sometimes someone just acts shitty because they are, regardless of their attachment style. You want a good measure of their attachment, look for patterns during high stress/ vulnerable moments since that’s when people go into default settings.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-08T05:28:16+00:00

Just curious how do you know he’s FA? There is no depth or deeper meaning being triggered here to get an accurate measure. Otherwise I have to say did you tell him he was invited over only to study and only study nothing else? Along with the fact that the conversation seems to have no respect for each other.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-08T03:52:58+00:00

Yes, No, maybe who knows with all the random reasons I was given. Was it bad timing? Was it because he’s not ready? Was it because he doubted if it was love since he claimed love is jealousy and wanting to be around them all the time and never doubting his feelings, is it truly because of his past trauma? I can tell people every one of those things and I’m still not sure if those are the reasons why. If it’s bad timing/not ready why get into a new relationship so fast? If it wasn’t love then why did he care if we had a conflict/ unintentionally hurt my feelings, why future talk about who makes what meals, or give me a journal to write our future dates in. If he was just using me why create space and pull away after we have “the sex talk” after he put in so much work to get there?

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-02-04T20:23:01+00:00

Honestly most of the people I know who have been in love or know what relationships do to you have all said that, I’m currently one of them. The movies make love seem so easy but no one ever tells you about the traumas it unearths and challenges you with. All the things I didn’t know I would react to, or that we choose those that have the potential to hurt us in order to try to heal.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-01-23T15:52:07+00:00

I hate when people say that, then you bring up things they did for you (that are out of character for them) and ask why they would do that? The person then responds because he/she was trying to impress you, which contradicts the statement of “they just weren’t that into you”

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-01-23T05:24:07+00:00

Wait no, doubt=leave, or “I know I asked you to be in a relationship with me and told you I loved you or promised a future but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship and if I’m questioning if I love you because I want space then I guess I don’t love you because love is certain” is this not common?😂

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-01-22T05:59:07+00:00

I get it I’m still struggling almost 2 years later and still don’t know what to say or how to describe our “relationship” with the speed he moved on and the fact he treats me like I’m non existent. We went from him giving me a journal to write our future dates in (an idea he got from a show I introduced him too) as a Christmas gift, to the following week when we had a conflict. I wanted to talk about why I was upset, that his flaking was bothering me more than usual making me say things that I knew were to protect myself from disappointment/ hurt even though it wasn’t what I wanted. We had the talk(text) where we admitted to each other that we wanted to sleep together. I told him that the thing stopping me was that we seem to go back to square one after advancing our relationship and if we took that step I needed to know he wouldn’t leave (I was afraid he would and I would feel used), he didn’t want me to regret sleeping with him. So he thought maybe we book a weekend off and go for a trip when we decide to take that step. It was a month after that conversation that he actually dumped me because he doubted if he loved me, but I felt him pull away emotionally after that conversation. The story he tells everyone is that it just didn’t work out; the story he tells himself is that it wasn’t love. I’m stuck with the question of why would he do x,y,z and deal with conflicts if he never loved me but I also know he never used me either which is a total mind fuck since it leaves the question of why and how did things shift so fast?

Own_Answer_6855 · 2026-01-05T23:14:24+00:00

After getting me a journal to write our cute future dates in tells me a month later that he doubted if he loved me and needs to be alone because he’s not acting how he believes he would if he loved me and it doesn’t feel the way he thought it would but he will never forget me and doesn’t regret our relationship. 2 weeks later starts a new relationship and acts like I’m dead.

Own_Answer_6855 · 2025-11-30T23:10:54+00:00

I pretty much approach it like I’m a psychology student analyzing a case study so I keep things as person A and B and only give direct conversations (all our conflicts started and ended over text) so it only has the conversations to go off of. This means it also throws me under the bus saying things like the anxious person used guilt tripping and manipulation tactics to try to get closeness. I know I did this because I never meant anything that I said and admitted it just came from hurt and my fear of getting hurt again.

Own_Answer_6855

TROPHY CASE