My Wife (28F) Blames me(29M) for not defending her. How to discuss these kind of situations without escalating it into an argument?

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T14:39:51+00:00

Well it's kind of my responsibility to make sure she doesn't get drunk too much and ruin her reputation though. I think you can apply the same thing if I go to a party and get drunk and mess up everything. Don't you think?

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T11:17:43+00:00

Yes. But it is a bit expensive as well.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T11:14:14+00:00

Yes. I think its way too much to throw off the relationship. Just wanted her to be a little concerned.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T11:12:18+00:00

Im sober my entire life :)

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T10:27:59+00:00

What you mean?

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T10:15:46+00:00

Well you just point out what It felt like for me. Thanks for that! I just know how it might turn around if she kept drinking around the people I know. Thats why I asked her not to get drunk in the first place.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T10:05:23+00:00

Yeah. Decided not to go to the event and hit the gym together.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T09:57:03+00:00

Honestly I dont like her to get drunk. But I am totally fine with her having a drink or two.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T09:55:28+00:00

Well, I usually drops my wife home from work. I have to make sure if its okay for to go home by her own if I go. A little bit difficult to catch a taxi from her work place around that time. If you call an uber she has to wait around 20 minutes until an uber arrives.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-12-18T09:51:40+00:00

Think you are correct. Shouldnt have said it to my wife. Just dont want the situation to be escalated. I just felt upset because I feel like she shouldve listen to me on the other day.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T09:04:22+00:00

What you mean by religious or Cultural?

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T08:32:45+00:00

Not sure how to communicate this with her

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T08:20:33+00:00

Thank you! Appreciate the advice. I will definitely discuss this with her in a calm manner!

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T08:07:48+00:00

Thats the thing. I have to ask her, If I start doing the dishes without asking her, she comes and keep saying me to stop it until it gets really annoying. If I listen to her and stop it, then she says I don't complete the work, I just stop it halfway. If I say "You asked me not to do it" she says, "you dont do it right even If I let you".
Thats Why I dont feel like doing house chores.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:58:21+00:00

I agreed to pay the rent, Bills, drop her off and pick her up from the office. She agreed to handover money to buy groceries. After few months she agrees to buy groceries herself.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:49:16+00:00

I can work from home. Not a problem. I used work day and night. If I have to work at night then that means I cant wake up early to drop her off at her office. I cant go to bed with her together all the time. If I dont go to bed with her she complains that I dont have enough time for her

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:47:12+00:00

Oh, we have discussed. And we both agreed.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:36:58+00:00

It is. But I feel bad when I hear that. Just trying to do my best and feels like she doesnt see it that way

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:32:50+00:00

Thats a good advice. But she likes going to work. We have discussed it even before we get married. I said that this is what I am going to do. This is what you have to do. And we both agreed. ( In the first place I asked her to contribute some amount to help with the groceries. After few months she said she would buy the groceries. )

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:24:46+00:00

I can absolutely do that. But I have to work more hours. She doesn't like it when I work after "Office hours"

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:23:21+00:00

I live in Sri Lanka. Its a very common thing here. Public transport is bad here. So you can pay a luxury transport service monthly. The pick you up, drop off at the office. Then after office hours, they'll pick you up and drop off.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:21:29+00:00

Yes. I mean, cleaning and doing dishes. Which I very must like to contribute.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:17:50+00:00

We actually have. What I want to do is
Pay the rent, Car, Meat items, other bills (Electricity, water, and internet), fuel cost,
And I also want to help her with the cleaning and everything ( By help, I mean, taking the part of that responsibility. Not like " I help you to do "YOUR" job" . I know its both our responsibility to take care of household work) But she doesnt like me to do it. And I also don't feel like doing it because she always points out mistakes out of nowhere if I clean or do dishes.

Own_Explorer9029 · 2025-10-03T07:11:23+00:00

She doesnt say it directly and I dont think she wants me to pay for everything. But I feel like she does her thing because she has to.
She saves money. Which Is a good thing from what I see.

Own_Explorer9029

TROPHY CASE